Friday, August 6, 2010

No Sex in the Champagne Room...or any room for that matter.

Mama J asked me to write a post because she knows I am not afraid to talk about certain sex. My life is an open book, and I would like to share with you an exert from the latest chapter I call "My Sex Drive is in Park."

When my husband and I first met, we did it like rabbits as all young lovers do. We didn't live together and only saw each other a few times a weeks, so naturally we did it ever time we saw each least once. I would make mixed cds of sexy songs so that my roommates couldn't hear the goings on in my thin walled bedroom, we would light candles, drink wine, just like you see in the movies or on tv. When we were together we couldn't keep our hands off each other. This continued through the first couple years of our marriage, until we were trying to get pregnant.

As all people who go through fertility issues know, having sex gets old when you are doing it on a schedule. It took us about a year to get pregnant. A year filled with temperature taking, peeing on ovulation predictor sticks and doing it as often as we could during 4-5 days of the month. And that was about it.

Once I did get pregnant we had it every 2 weeks or so until it became uncomfortable for me. I definitely wasn't one of those people who loved having pregnant sex. I was fat, gassy and my hemorrhoids were in full effect - sex was the furthest thing on my mind. But I took one for the team and gladly made my husband happy.

Then the baby came - and with her those blessed six weeks on lockdown. My husband counted the days until he was back in the game, and on the day of getting the green light, we happily made love. And maybe once more that month, if he was lucky.

It has been 10 months since the birth of our daughter and we are on the once a week schedule, again if he is lucky. Now don't get me wrong, I am very attracted to my husband. He is a very good looking man, at least to me, and I find him sexy. But that doesn't mean I want to have sex with him all the time like we used to. What I look forward to doing at night is a crossword puzzle, not my husband. And for that I feel terrible.

I love this man so much. He is my other half, my better half. Without him I don't know if I could survive, so why don't I want to jump his bones? And it doesn't have anything to do with him, it is all sexual things that are far from my mind. I used to enjoy a little "me time" every once and a while, and now I have no motivation for that either. What gives??

I know that with child comes less sex for most people. Hell, with marriage comes less sex for most people. So now I guess with child comes exponentially less sex. What about with the next child? Will we never do it? Sex was always a big part of our relationship - we used to be adventurous and try all sorts of things you would only read about, and be all sweaty and sexified after an hour (or two) of fun. Now, I would rather lie on the bottom and let him do all the work on top. But the times I do suffer through the beginnings and finally get into things, I enjoy it like I used to. But why can't I be into it from the get go? Why can't I initiate it?

I guess I could do all those things, but my brain and body aren't into it. My heart definitely is, as I love my man and want to please him. But I want to want to do it. At the end of a long day of playing with my little one and taking care of our household, I seriously just want sleep. A nice long night of sleep. Don't touch me, don't wake me. Just let me sleep. Is that normal?

For the last month or two we have been scheduling date nights, which seems to work, so things look like they are possibly headed in the right direction. I know we will never be back to our Bugs Bunny state of bliss, but I feel like I need a sexual slap in the face. I want to want to get into that sexy lingerie and get my man excited. I want to want jump on top of him in the middle of the night and surprise him with a little lovin' like I used to. But that would mean less sleep.

Does anyone else feel like this?

And PS. that is exactly what my after-baby butt looks like :)


  1. Girrrrrl. If your sex life is in "park", mine is in "reverse". Seriously, I could've written this post myself.

    I don't know if you're breastfeeding still or not, but I have found that that *kills* my sex drive. It's the only thing about breastfeeding I've found that I really dislike.

    You're definitely not alone. By the end of the day, when I've spent the day feeding A and changing her diapers and cleaning up after her and working and writing and feeding the animals and cooking dinner I'm so wiped out I have nothing left to give. Another blog I read - - has been addressing this very subject lately, and I've really enjoyed what she's had to say if you want to check out some of the posts :)

  2. Wow, once a week. That's awesome...sometimes I realize when I get my period that we didn't do it that cycle. Sad. True. I hope for more some day, or hope to be okay with what it has become.