This isn't going to be a terribly helpful post (I like to set expectations up front!). It's the same thing you hear time and time again, "You know what's best for your kid." The same stands for getting your child ready for a sibling.
My second child (of unknown gender) was going to be born about 2 years, 8 months after my first boy. My oldest is very easy going...isn't one for tantrums and after years in daycare, was generally well adjusted around loud babies and people in general. I was a lazy pregnant woman. So I did virtually nothing. We talked about a baby in my giant belly, but we couldn't discuss the gender (because we didn't know) or the name (because we didn't have one...see, I told you I was lazy). I got some books from the library, but they didn't have cars in them so he was not interested.
We transitioned daycares a few months before the due date, which is apparently a bad thing. And we moved his bedroom the day of the birth. Another big no-no. However, I did let him keep his pacifier and hadn't attempted to potty train, but those were battles I was not willing to fight at 9 months pregnant. Yet, the transition went off without a hitch.
We connected moving to a "big boy" room with becoming a big brother. The baby and big brother exchanged presents at the hospital. Everyone does it, and it seems to work. However, I think the kitchen in the post-partum ward, stocked with apple juice and graham crackers, was a bigger hit. After my oldest came to visit for the first time, he cried because we couldn't bring the baby home that very moment.
I tried to spend a few hours with my oldest every day. I took over bedtime duty for him and made sure I gave him lost of attention once my husband came home to take over baby duty. We had lots of playdates with other new moms. The moms sat with the babies and bigger boys played amongst each other, not feeling the least bit deprived. Even if you don't need help the second time around, take it so you can spend some extra time with the oldest.
I know there is no groundbreaking advice here. Just take it day by day and do what works for your new family. Easy going kids will have an easy transition. Older kids seem to have an easier transition. But kids will surprise you. I think they're just plotting ways to torture their little siblings in the future.
Showing posts with label Baby #2. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Baby #2. Show all posts
Monday, October 10, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Second Pregnancy Syndrome
I am tired. So tired that last week I fell asleep while watching a Red Sox game-in Fenway Park. I fell asleep standing up in the shower. I felt similarly exhausted during my first trimester, however that was expected. Now I am well into my second trimester-a time of supposed abundant energy and vigor. If I'm this tired now with 13 or so weeks left, how will I ever stay awake through my third trimester? Maybe I'll sleep through the entire end of my pregnancy and wake up when the new baby arrives.
I thought something was wrong with me. Maybe I am dehydrated. Maybe I do not eat enough iron. Maybe ice cream contains tryptophan. I shared my concerns with Midwife Suzy at my 24 week appointment a few weeks prior. While Midwife Suzy said my exhaustion could be due to any number of things, she said most likely I suffer from a very common, yet widely unknown condition called Second Pregnancy Syndrome.
I am not alone. Millions of women, usually after an extra glass of pinot noir or two, willingly, some with great diligence and determination, actually try to get pregnant for a second time. Women like us forget how physically and emotionally challenging pregnancy was the first time around. We actually had time to care for ourselves and not worry about a little tot running around underfoot. When I was pregnant with C, I took a nap almost every day during my first and third trimesters. I slept hard. I drooled. During one afternoon nap, a giant oak tree fell down on my street and landed on my neighbor's car, taking with it a telephone pole and power lines, and knocking out power to the entire neighborhood. My street was illuminated by the flashing lights of emergency vehicles. I slept through the entire thing.
Being pregnant with a toddler, I do not have the luxury of taking drool-inducing three hour afternoon naps. Sure, I could nap when C naps, but when would I do laundry, clean my house, pay bills, watch Bravo, or write infrequent blog posts? And now that C only naps once a day for about two hours, I spend most of my day chasing her from various place to place. She would rather play "Hide from Monster" or visit the playground, than play "Let's Watch the Inside of Mom's Eyelids and See What Happens."
All of this toddler chasing and lack of rest led to my diagnosis of Second Pregnancy Syndrome. The primary symptom of SPS is sheer, utter, mother effing exhaustion. The secondary symptoms of SPS are simultaneous sneezing and pants pissing, as well as borderline precarious caffeine consumption. Midwife Suzy recommends trying to rest as much as possible, knowing that in reality this will probably equal five extra minutes of rest per day. There is no cure.
I'm afraid Second Pregnancy Syndrome prepares second time moms for the chronic condition known as, Second Child Sleep Extinction, which transforms once semi-rested, content mothers of one, into night walking zombie mamas with gaping black holes where their eyes once sparkled. They may or may not eat their young, especially if it will buy them some extra shut eye.
I am also afraid SPS will initiate my downward spiral toward Crappy Parenting. Many days, I feel too exhausted to give parenting all of the energy it deserves. While I want to run in the park with my daughter, my body wants to lay down on the couch and turn on Sesame Street. I fear I am often too tired to put forth my best effort and my child will suffer the consequences of my fatigue.
My diagnosis of Second Pregnancy Syndrome leaves me frustrated and fearful, however whining and complaining will not remedy my situation. The only remedy is to make a concerted effort to get more rest. I began my course of treatment today and enjoyed a delicious afternoon nap. I may even go to bed before 10:00 tonight. If you see me night walking around the Boston suburbs, please send me straight to bed. Good night.
I thought something was wrong with me. Maybe I am dehydrated. Maybe I do not eat enough iron. Maybe ice cream contains tryptophan. I shared my concerns with Midwife Suzy at my 24 week appointment a few weeks prior. While Midwife Suzy said my exhaustion could be due to any number of things, she said most likely I suffer from a very common, yet widely unknown condition called Second Pregnancy Syndrome.
I am not alone. Millions of women, usually after an extra glass of pinot noir or two, willingly, some with great diligence and determination, actually try to get pregnant for a second time. Women like us forget how physically and emotionally challenging pregnancy was the first time around. We actually had time to care for ourselves and not worry about a little tot running around underfoot. When I was pregnant with C, I took a nap almost every day during my first and third trimesters. I slept hard. I drooled. During one afternoon nap, a giant oak tree fell down on my street and landed on my neighbor's car, taking with it a telephone pole and power lines, and knocking out power to the entire neighborhood. My street was illuminated by the flashing lights of emergency vehicles. I slept through the entire thing.
Being pregnant with a toddler, I do not have the luxury of taking drool-inducing three hour afternoon naps. Sure, I could nap when C naps, but when would I do laundry, clean my house, pay bills, watch Bravo, or write infrequent blog posts? And now that C only naps once a day for about two hours, I spend most of my day chasing her from various place to place. She would rather play "Hide from Monster" or visit the playground, than play "Let's Watch the Inside of Mom's Eyelids and See What Happens."
All of this toddler chasing and lack of rest led to my diagnosis of Second Pregnancy Syndrome. The primary symptom of SPS is sheer, utter, mother effing exhaustion. The secondary symptoms of SPS are simultaneous sneezing and pants pissing, as well as borderline precarious caffeine consumption. Midwife Suzy recommends trying to rest as much as possible, knowing that in reality this will probably equal five extra minutes of rest per day. There is no cure.
I'm afraid Second Pregnancy Syndrome prepares second time moms for the chronic condition known as, Second Child Sleep Extinction, which transforms once semi-rested, content mothers of one, into night walking zombie mamas with gaping black holes where their eyes once sparkled. They may or may not eat their young, especially if it will buy them some extra shut eye.
I am also afraid SPS will initiate my downward spiral toward Crappy Parenting. Many days, I feel too exhausted to give parenting all of the energy it deserves. While I want to run in the park with my daughter, my body wants to lay down on the couch and turn on Sesame Street. I fear I am often too tired to put forth my best effort and my child will suffer the consequences of my fatigue.
My diagnosis of Second Pregnancy Syndrome leaves me frustrated and fearful, however whining and complaining will not remedy my situation. The only remedy is to make a concerted effort to get more rest. I began my course of treatment today and enjoyed a delicious afternoon nap. I may even go to bed before 10:00 tonight. If you see me night walking around the Boston suburbs, please send me straight to bed. Good night.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
I'm ready...I think
I had a lovely moment with a pregnant woman at the park this morning. (OK, that sounds totally dirty, but keep reading)
I was at the Arboretum, walking the pooch and pushing M along in her stroller, as we do every morning during the week. Today we were a little later than normal so I didn't see my regulars (the man that runs shirtless no matter how many feet of snow are on the ground), but a new cast of characters (including the woman jogging in linen shorts, a silk shirt and boat shoes). Everyone is always very pleasant and friendly, and says "good morning" as you pass, and all the dogs are the same (replace good morning with a bum sniff).
As I was huffing and puffing up a steep hill an extremely pregnant woman was walking towards me with her dog. She was the type of pregnant that I wish I was - big round belly, perfectly toned arms and legs, not looking like she gained an ounce of weight anywhere other than her stomach. She had a great big smile on her face as she was watching M play with the flowers (weeds) we had just picked and singing her ABCs as loud as she could. And I couldn't help but smile back at her as she looked beautiful. There is something about pregnant women that I just think is so attractive (not in a sexual way) - their strength and power, their glow, the wonder of the whole idea that we can grow life inside us. As a fellow woman, and as someone who has experienced the whole pregnancy thing, I just feel a kinship towards other pregnant women and can't help but smile at them.
So our dogs sniffed each other, we said our good mornings, and off we went, but since we were making the loop in different directions, we actually crossed paths again shortly thereafter. And here she came, smiling her glowing smile and I stopped and said "you know, I just had to tell you, you look so beautiful."
She stopped and looked at me and started to tear up, as she pulled her tank top over her enormous belly and said "that is the nicest thing I could hear right now. I feel so huge and fat. Wow, thank you so much...I needed to hear that."
"Well, you really do look beautiful. Have a great day!"
And I turned as quickly as I could because I then just started to cry. One of those sobbing, gasping cries that comes out of nowhere (and even now as I remember this moment I am crying at my computer while I type this). And I know why...
For those of you that know me personally, or have read the blog since the beginning, you know that I had a terrible time getting pregnant with M. It took us 2 years of fertility drugs, and IUIs and IVF, and I can't tell you how many failed pregnancy tests, and so many tears, and sessions with therapists, but we finally have our little miracle, who has brought us all the joy in the world.
Well a few months ago I (my husband left the timing decision up to me) decided that it was time to start trying for a second child. Because I am unable to get pregnant without assistance from science (thank you science), we decided after a few months of hopelessly trying on our own we would go forward with a cryo IVF cycle. When we had M I also had 5 additional embryos that were frozen in 2009, so we are now in the process of doing a frozen cycle (as opposed to the fresh cycle, where they have to knock me out and retrieve eggs, etc.).
Once again my body looks like a war zone from all the injections, and I am taking three pills in the morning and three pills at night...and I have a basket full of syringes on my kitchen counter, which also contains different types of liquids to be injected later as well as pills I will have to take after the implantation.
Needless to say I am a hormonal mess. One minute I want to plow into the car in front of me for cutting me off, the next minute I am in tears over seeing the Preemie clothing that M had to wear when she was born.
Or crying over seeing a pregnant woman in the park! But I think this minor encounter I had today, that lasted all of 15 seconds, has finally brought me to the conclusion that I am ready to have a second child. I am ready to be pregnant again (I had an easy pregnancy after the 2 years of chaos thankfully), and I am ready for M to be a big sister, and I am ready for those sleepless nights in the beginning, and that newborn cry, and those tiny hands and that new baby smell.
I know my life will be chaos, but I am ready for it. I think of it as my next project in life (current project is M's big girl room - more to come on that soon).
Of course we might not get pregnant this time around which I say I will be able to handle better than I did 2 years ago, but who the hell knows. All I can do is stay positive, take care of myself, keep shooting myself up with hormones and let science take it's course.
I was at the Arboretum, walking the pooch and pushing M along in her stroller, as we do every morning during the week. Today we were a little later than normal so I didn't see my regulars (the man that runs shirtless no matter how many feet of snow are on the ground), but a new cast of characters (including the woman jogging in linen shorts, a silk shirt and boat shoes). Everyone is always very pleasant and friendly, and says "good morning" as you pass, and all the dogs are the same (replace good morning with a bum sniff).
As I was huffing and puffing up a steep hill an extremely pregnant woman was walking towards me with her dog. She was the type of pregnant that I wish I was - big round belly, perfectly toned arms and legs, not looking like she gained an ounce of weight anywhere other than her stomach. She had a great big smile on her face as she was watching M play with the flowers (weeds) we had just picked and singing her ABCs as loud as she could. And I couldn't help but smile back at her as she looked beautiful. There is something about pregnant women that I just think is so attractive (not in a sexual way) - their strength and power, their glow, the wonder of the whole idea that we can grow life inside us. As a fellow woman, and as someone who has experienced the whole pregnancy thing, I just feel a kinship towards other pregnant women and can't help but smile at them.
So our dogs sniffed each other, we said our good mornings, and off we went, but since we were making the loop in different directions, we actually crossed paths again shortly thereafter. And here she came, smiling her glowing smile and I stopped and said "you know, I just had to tell you, you look so beautiful."
She stopped and looked at me and started to tear up, as she pulled her tank top over her enormous belly and said "that is the nicest thing I could hear right now. I feel so huge and fat. Wow, thank you so much...I needed to hear that."
"Well, you really do look beautiful. Have a great day!"
And I turned as quickly as I could because I then just started to cry. One of those sobbing, gasping cries that comes out of nowhere (and even now as I remember this moment I am crying at my computer while I type this). And I know why...
For those of you that know me personally, or have read the blog since the beginning, you know that I had a terrible time getting pregnant with M. It took us 2 years of fertility drugs, and IUIs and IVF, and I can't tell you how many failed pregnancy tests, and so many tears, and sessions with therapists, but we finally have our little miracle, who has brought us all the joy in the world.
Well a few months ago I (my husband left the timing decision up to me) decided that it was time to start trying for a second child. Because I am unable to get pregnant without assistance from science (thank you science), we decided after a few months of hopelessly trying on our own we would go forward with a cryo IVF cycle. When we had M I also had 5 additional embryos that were frozen in 2009, so we are now in the process of doing a frozen cycle (as opposed to the fresh cycle, where they have to knock me out and retrieve eggs, etc.).
Once again my body looks like a war zone from all the injections, and I am taking three pills in the morning and three pills at night...and I have a basket full of syringes on my kitchen counter, which also contains different types of liquids to be injected later as well as pills I will have to take after the implantation.
 |
| My big girl laying next to the Preemie clothing she wore the first day she got home |
Or crying over seeing a pregnant woman in the park! But I think this minor encounter I had today, that lasted all of 15 seconds, has finally brought me to the conclusion that I am ready to have a second child. I am ready to be pregnant again (I had an easy pregnancy after the 2 years of chaos thankfully), and I am ready for M to be a big sister, and I am ready for those sleepless nights in the beginning, and that newborn cry, and those tiny hands and that new baby smell.
I know my life will be chaos, but I am ready for it. I think of it as my next project in life (current project is M's big girl room - more to come on that soon).
Of course we might not get pregnant this time around which I say I will be able to handle better than I did 2 years ago, but who the hell knows. All I can do is stay positive, take care of myself, keep shooting myself up with hormones and let science take it's course.
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