He works hard for the money

I have mentioned a fair amount of times on the blog that I am married to an amazing man. Not every woman can say that about their husband...including not everyone woman I know. Well, my man is the bee's knees (what a weird saying, no?) and one of the hardest working people I know. He sacrifices so much to provide an amazing life for myself and his ladies and today I know he felt it more than ever so I wanted to just give him a shout out (as he is a devout BBM reader of course) by writing my latest piece about him.

To give you a little background on the amazing Papa J...he is a bi-racial man, who was adopted into a white working class family in upstate NY when he was just born. He graduated at the top of his high school class, put himself through an ivy league college, followed by law school at the same ivy league college, and again graduated at the top of his class. He has worked harder than anyone I know to get to where he is in his field - far beyond most people his age. His current job is very rewarding and very demanding, and he loves what he does, unlike most people in the world. On top of all of his work life success, I can honestly say he is the kindest, most gentle hearted man I have ever met. And everyone that meets him can say nothing but great things about him. Yes, he is that awesome. :)

Because of the demands of his job, his work hours are longer than most, but every day he wakes up with M in the morning, gives her breakfast and plays until it is time for him to "make the donuts." If it is a slow day at work we are able to have a very late dinner after he kisses M goodnight. He also unfortunately works at least one day on most weekends. Needless to say, he misses out on much of the fun and adventures, but tries to be with his family whenever he possibly can.

The past two weeks have been out of the ordinary, with him working until the wee hours of the night and sometimes leaving before M even wakes up in the morning. He had also planned to take off time this week, but unfortunately wasn't able too because of things blowing up at work. I know it kills him to miss out on time with M and I, and today I felt it more than ever.

I am down at my parents summer place, where he had hoped to be but couldn't and after a phone conversation with him at lunch time I could tell he was more upset than usual about missing out on the fun. I had mentioned that M has been in the greatest mood, was laughing it up all during our lunch, and was having so much fun with me and her grandparents...as I had diarrhea of the mouth and was gushing over my great day he was stuck in his downtown office with a days worth of work left to do. His response to my daily report was, "man..." followed by a sigh. I could tell he was a little more defeated than normal.

I know he would do anything he possibly could to be with us right now. I know there is nowhere else he would rather be than with us right now. But alas he is stuck, working hard to provide and incredible life for his family. I can't imagine being in his position...here I am lucky enough to be able to stay home every day with my pretty amazing kid, with another little drama queen on the way, and because of his hard work we are able to go on daily adventures full of fun and excitement (ok some days we just go to Whole Foods, but damn I love it there!)

He works his ass off every day so that M and her sister will have everything he didn't have when he was younger, and want for nothing, pretty much ever. And I get to reap the rewards of his success right along with the girls. I couldn't be more grateful for all of his hard work, but there are some days I hate his job - like when it makes him not able to come home before I am asleep in bed, and leave before I even open my eyes in the morning...which has pretty much been most days the past weeks.

I miss my husband right now, more than I have in a long time. I feel like he is away somewhere, when really he is not far away at all. He is actually able to take tomorrow off - yes I know it is a holiday, but I am shocked when he doesn't have to work weekends and holidays - so I will get to see him for a whole 24 hours and I cannot freaking wait.

I love my husband, and really enjoy spending time with him and can honestly say he is my best friend in the world. We have been together for 12 years, married for 7 next month, and I can seriously say I love him as much as I did when we first fell in love. Have I made you all jealous yet? Good. Ha! I just sometimes wish we had a different life where we lived on a farm in rural New Hampshire, and spent our days together growing our own food, and taking care of animals - is that weird? Actually I wouldn't change a thing about our life, and I have my husband to thank for that every day.

I miss you baby!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Intimacy

by OmMama

I read a cool passage in a book a while ago: a woman lies in bed at 3am awake one night, she asks her partner to tell her a story beginning with one word as inspiration; she provides him the word (fish), and he proceeds to tell her a sweet and insightful story about his childhood relationship with his father, and how they used to go on camping & fishing trips together (the only thing they ever did together) once a year. Of course these trips were about more than the catch. The man realized that he watched his Dad’s every move in how he carefully prepared the line, waited with silent patience for the fish, and then with massive strength and courage, would reel it in with all his might sweating and shirtless—until the wriggling fish surrendered to his knife. He said the dinner they ate together on the shores of the river, just the two of them, was the best he ever had.  They spent the weekend without a bath, pitching their tent wherever they wished yet respecting their environment, and each night, devoured a fresh & tasty reward for dinner. They sat for hours by the little but warm fire his Dad built for them the moment the sun began to set. In those hours, his Dad would sometimes take his sweater off himself and place it on him. He loved these hours. And the closeness, the sharing, the undistracted attention two people experience when alone with each other.

Time alone with those we love is not often enough. And when we get it, what do we do with it? Do we make it rich, memorable—a story worth telling when someone asks us to tell one?

The other day while my child was napping my husband and I just sat on the couch talking for 2 hours. We hadn’t done this since before her birth (3 yrs ago.) It was intimate, not just because we held each other, though that was delicious, but we talked about our relationship—some important stuff we needed to discuss, and it was a bit tough going…but we both smiled by the end of our talk.

People don’t talk about, or even think about intimacy often. Maybe we don’t have time for it, maybe we’ve forgotten about it because now we think FaceBook, and all of the other social media interruptions are “enough.”

Try it tonight with a person you love.

Even if it’s just sitting in the rocking chair a bit longer with your child, or giving them a hug and kiss for no reason, looking them in the eyes and saying “I love you!”

Or try the inspirational word idea I read about.

Initiating intimacy takes courage and desire and time. But the rewards last forever for all involved.

When Big Papi is down

Two weeks ago our family sank into a new nadir: my DH fell ill with fever and shaking chills, and took to bed. Two days later, so did our 2 ½ year-old son.  Everything grinded to a halt—I took a week off of work to take care of them, and I feared that my 10 month-old daughter and I were next.  Thankfully our nanny was brave enough to show up for work that week and help us out, even with the specter looming of fever, shaking chills, and bone-crushing fatigue.  Even so, it was a rough week.  Between caring for the kids and nursing a sick DH, I started feeling worn down myself.

When I told my DH that I was thinking about “DH” being down for the count, he asked, “you mean, the designated hitter?”  And I started thinking, that’s not so far from the truth—he is my Big Papi.  Similarities aside (my DH does have a winning smile and personality: congenial, warm, and beloved by everyone in the clubhouse and beyond), he is my DH—the go-to guy when I need a big hit out of the ballpark at the bottom of the ninth—to care for the kids when I need a break at the end of the day. Always delivering the grand slam of dinner, bath, and bedtime when I am barely able to make it to that magical hour of 7pm with my eyes open.  So without him in the line-up, we were at a loose end.

Boy was I glad at the end of the week, when DH perked up in the afternoon after a day of antibiotics and started singing with the kids at dinner.  “DH is back,” I thought to myself.  Everything is going to be OK.

It's OK to have online friends

I admit it, as a SAHM, I get lonely. I crave adult conversation more than I ever thought I would. When I was working as a teacher, I couldn’t wait to stop talking once I got home. Now the opposite is true.

My twins don’t even talk to me that much. They have their own secret language. They can talk to each other for hours, and I honestly feel a bit left out. I don’t know what they are saying, but they do and they are perfectly happy to be in their own world. The specialists tell us they should enjoy this time with their own language. My husband is at work all day, and when he comes home, I bombard him to share the details of his day so I can have an interactive, engaging conversation. He, on the other hand, just wants to quietly decompress.

Enter online friendships. I NEVER thought I would have “online” friends. Friends that I never met in person?!?! This idea was insanity for an overly neurotic person like myself who could just imagine the crazy possibilities. A coworker once told me she was meeting up with her online friends for the day. I looked at her with barely disguised horror. I was wrong and I apologize sincerely to her for my reaction. These days, online forums and chat rooms, consume many websites. I joined one of the most popular websites for parenting when I found out I was pregnant with twins. Lo and behold, they had an online group for parents expecting the same month as me.

The group has dwindled down to twenty or so parents who continually check in. We have daily chats about our days, angst about our families and our latest toddler twin antics, discuss TV shows and headline news, give feedback on the latest open houses one attended, share recipes, and divulge some details about our lives that I probably wouldn’t discuss in person with my “real-life” friends. While we “know” each other after sharing almost 3 years as an online group, there is also that veil of anonymity that lets you be more open and more truthful. They provide a neutral sounding board; more so than the judgments of your more locally involved friends that know the minutia of your everyday lives.

As a result, I’ve learned it’s okay to have online friends, and in fact, I am truly grateful for them. As a SAHM, it’s kept me sane, has engaged my brain with more than toddler speak, and has allowed me to be less overbearing when my crazy busy husband walks through the door. Actually, I think it’s also one of the best choices I’ve made as a SAHM as it’s an outlet for me to BE ME.

-Mama x2

How do you know?

My initial title was “How do you know when it’s time to have a (or another) baby?” But the answer to that is rather obvious- you haven’t been able to see your toes for 5 months, your face has swollen into a perfect sphere, and every 2-3 minutes you’re screaming at pitches only dogs can hear in a desperate attempt to alleviate some of the pain coming from this ‘beautiful’ creature inside your belly. My real question is “How do you know when it’s time to start trying for a/another baby?”

My husband and I had a plan that we’d have our first baby when we were 30. Then suddenly, I get smacked in the head with Baby Fever at 26 and all I can do (think, feel, want, etc) is Baby. Even pregnant women made me gushy. How do you explain this to a guy?

Me: Well yes, honey, I know that was our plan, but you see, now I really want one.

Him: What made you change your mind?

Me: Uhhhhh…

As soon as the pregnancy test was positive, my husband was excited and upon seeing our baby 9 months later, I know he’d never look back. But, as Baby starts to get older, I am noticing signs of an all too familiar illness. The plan all along was to have our kids 2-2.5 years apart, but Baby isn’t even 1 yet and Baby Fever is settling in…hard. It is unfair (not to mention, unproductive) for me to call the shots alone but then how do I make these feelings disappear for another 6 months? I try thinking about all of the inconveniences of pregnancy, but even morning sickness sounds delightful right now. Does this happen to everyone or am I just weak? How did you know it was time? Did your husband agree?