All on her own time

When M was born 4 weeks early, we were told by the doctors that she would most likely be a little behind other kids developmentally. Along with being born early, she was born with terrible reflux so the required "tummy time" lasted a fraction of the time it should have, as she would throw up and choke when on her belly. She wasn't able to hold her head up until a month after all her friends. She was the last person in our class to be able to sit up on her own. The lack of tummy time led to weak arm strength, which led to not crawling...at all, ever. Eventually she learned to scoot around on her bum - something that looked like Gollum from Lord of the Rings, but hell it got her from point A to B. 

M is very tall and skinny like Dada J -
 Mama J is jealous

When she still hadn't started walking on her own by 12 months, we were told to see a pediatric orthopedic specialist. We went to MGH, she had X-Rays of her hips (as her feet are pretty turned out - like a ballerina in second position), and he looked her over in about 2 minutes. He explained that due to her larger than average head (100 percentile to be exact) and her tiny skinny long body (97% height, 50% weight) her center of gravity is way off kilter, so she will take a little longer to walk on her own, but overall everything looks great. At this appointment I was told "she will be off running on her own any day now." That was in January.

While all her friends started walking on their own, she was taking a few steps holding both of my hands. Then we finally went to just one hand in the Spring. While holding onto just one of my fingers (barely holding on) she was able to run around and do what she should be able to do at this age on her own.  It had been 6 months since that last appointment at MGH, so we went back for another check-up. This appointment lasted approximately 60 seconds (after we waited 45 minutes for the doctor, and we were his first appointment!) and we were again told there was nothing to worry about, "she is just stubborn."

Three weeks ago, the day we came home from our Adults Only Puerto Rican Adventure (see previous posts :), M walked for the first time on her own. She took 21 steps the first time she ever walked and looked like she had been doing it for months. We were ecstatic. But little did we know it would be a one time thing - thank God we got it on tape. 

So now it is 3 weeks later and she has yet to walk on her own again. And Mama is frustrated beyond belief. I understand kids do things when they want to, but she turned 19 months yesterday! She should be running around with her friends, not holding my hand or falling on her bum (there is no in-between now). If I try to let go of her hand she starts to whine and will just sit on her bum. If we try to get her to walk from my husband to I, her legs will turn to jelly and she will refuse to even stand up! And it drives me crazy. 

Everyone keeps saying "she will walk when she is ready," but she HAS walked, she CAN walk, so why doesn't she just walk!?! It is like she is terrified to walk on her own again, and I don't understand why. She didn't fall and hurt herself, she actually screamed with delight when she did it that one time. I have even sat her in front of the computer and showed her video of her walking and she will clap and say "yeah baby walk!" and I will say "yes! let's try it again!" and she will just start to moan and sit down and refuse to walk. 

What is going on in her mind-grapes?? How do I get my stubborn child to walk on her own? Any suggestions? 

Back to Reality...and a kid that can walk!?

Where is my pool attendant asking if I want another mojito? Where is my maid to make my bed and clean up my room every day? There was no breakfast buffet with mimosas when I came down to the kitchen this morning...boo.

We are back from vacation. Back to reality. My husband is back to working 16 hour days. I am back to playing the role of Mama, Lady of the Manor, Keeper of the House. There is laundry that needs to be done, dishes that need cleaning, phone calls that need to be made, errands that need to be run, but I just feel like crawling up with a book, or going back to bed. Why am I so tired from a vacation that I spent mostly on my back (by the pool I mean :), reading. eating and drinking?

We had a wonderful time, but the 4 days and three nights we were in Puerto Rico felt like 24 hours. We spoiled ourselves rotten, as we knew it was not going to happen again for a long time, and loved every minute of it. It was the perfect amount of time though, as I was itching to get home to see M. And my heart just leapt as she and my parents were sitting on our front steps as the car pulled up to our house. She was squealing and kicking and flapping her arms with excitement...it was the cutest thing ever.

After hugs and kisses, and more hugs and kisses, I got to looking at her (as she was just in a diaper after getting herself al wet at her water table) and I was shocked to see that she had actually changed so much in 5 days!! She was definitely taller (this kid is growing like a weed on...something that makes it grow faster than normal!), and I felt like her face looked just slightly different too. And she looked at me and said "Hi Mama!" clear as a bell like she was 5 years old. I felt like I had been away for a month.

And an even bigger surprise was when I put her down to "waaak" around the house, she went off on her own!! Yes, she is 18 months, and we have been waiting with bated breath for her to take steps on her own...and she waited for us to come home from vacation to actually do it. It was the best welcome home gift ever. And it wasn't like she was just taking a few steps - it was like 20 at a time, all around the house. I felt such relief, as we have been to specialists about her delayed walking, and talked to our doctor about it many times. I was so worried something was seriously wrong with her, but everyone kept telling us "she is just being stubborn." And know I know they were right!

I think it will take a while for my brain to get out of vacation mode, but I don't have much time because on Friday we are off again. This time not to a luxury resort, but to my in-laws in upstate New York. There won't be a pool and cabana waiting for us, but there will be lots of loved ones, and plenty of delicious terrible-for-you treats.

Well, there is the dryer. Gotta go put another load in...mojitos...mojitos...mojitos...

Looks like an orange on a toothpick!

Heed! Down in front! (anyone know what movie that is from???)

At Marlo's one year appointment I had expressed some concern to our pediatrician about her favoring her right foot over her left, as well as the fact that her left foot seems to be turned out more than her right. She has also been a tad behind when it comes to the walking/cruising/pulling up on things milestones. She was totally happy sitting and scooting, and occasionally tried to pull herself up, but didn't show a ton of interest it in around her one year appointment (unlike now where she is trying to pull up on everything). If we put her in a standing position, she will wobble all around, and isn't able to support herself, but she will walk while holding our hands, but it is more of a march than anything resembling a normal walk (see video). So our doctor told us to make an appointment with the Pediatric Orthopedits at MGH and just get her checked out to see if anything was wrong with her bones in her hip/leg/foot.

We ventured down to MGH last week and met with Dr. Gerkoff and his Nurse Practitioner. Erin, the NP, came into the room to see us first and she immediately said, "So how big is her head? Big right?" to which I replied "99 percentile, so yes big." We come to learn, as we had expected, that because she has such a giant head, and is so thin and narrow that she will have a harder time getting her balance than most babies who have some junk in their trunk. What is funny about this is that my husband and I joke about her being shaped like a lollipop, and that she is so top heavy she can't balance...and it turns out that we were actually right!

After a pretty thorough physical evaluation we had to have x-rays taken of her hip/pelvic area. And then we finally got to see the doctor, who was one of the friendlier, funnier and better looking doctors I have seen in a while (always an added bonus when you are in and out of doctor's offices all the time). He also moved Marlo's legs all about and showed me that she is naturally more turned out from the hips than normal...but bone-wise she is perfectly normal. Dr. Gerkoff explained that due to her turn out she will not have a future as a long-distance runner as they tend to have more turned out feet, but she will have an excellent chance at being a dancer (like her Mama was back in the day).

To which I responded "as long as she can play tennis at Wimbledon, her daddy will be happy." Considering she will be at least 6 feet tall, and will be tall and skinny like him, that is my husband's dream, and he is already working on her grip!

Taking Baby Steps

About a month ago, I arrived at work at the same time as a co-worker, a kindly, yet socially awkward grandmother of two. We walked into the building together, exchanging casual pleasantries about our new school building and the beautiful September weather. As we approached the building, she asked about Caitlin. I told her about some of Caitlin's newest tricks-saying, "uh oh," pretending to read books, and shaking her head yes or no. Despite this impressive array of skills, my indifferent co-worker asked, "Is she walking yet?" Baby C was thirteen months old and yet to take a single unassisted step. "No, not by herself," I replied. "Ohthat'so.k!" my co-worker responded, just a bit too quickly. Do you really think that is o.k., or do you actually think my daughter has a gross motor developmental delay? "Yes, of course it's o.k." I responded, trying to project confidence and annoyance all at once. Thank goodness we finally went through the door and parted ways, ending a potentially obnoxious conversation before it really began.

Truthfully, I worried Caitlin had yet to take independent steps. Isn't thirteen months a little on the late side? Many of my friends' children walked much earlier. My mother often tells me I walked at eleven months (although she probably thinks I could read at eleven months, too). Don't get me wrong, Caitlin walked all over the place while holding furniture, pushing a toy or a small chair, or resting her hand against a wall for support. She could even stand alone, then go from standing to squatting or sitting, and back to standing again. The girl had moves, she just seemed reluctant to show off her moves all by herself. Caitlin approaches most things with caution, therefore I was not surprised by her hesitance to walk independently. I reassured myself that she would walk when she felt ready, however the constant "Is she walking?" line of questioning raised some insecurities. Would Caitlin be content to crawl and cruise forever more?

Sometimes when I feel anxious, I give my anxiety a timeline. I decided not to worry about Caitlin's lack of walking until she turned fourteen months old. In the meantime, I would help my hesitant little one get excited about taking steps. I tried many different tricks-holding out a sippy cup of juice or a snack just out of Caitlin's reach, placing a favorite toy just a few steps ahead, or even letting go of C's hand while we walked around the house. Each time, she stood for a moment, negotiating her next move. And each time, she decided to get down on all fours and crawl. Caitlin is clever: why walk when she could get that piece of cheese or stuffed animal much faster by crawling? As the fourteen month mark approached, I felt my anxiety build slowly.

The week before C's fourteen month "birthday," my husband and I went to Newport for the weekend, leaving C in Nana's care. We returned just in time to witness Caitlin take her first independent steps across Nana's kitchen floor. Her steps were met with huge cheers from all of us lucky enough to witness such a special moment. After three unsteady steps, Caitlin plopped down and crawled away, relieved to find the safety of the nearby floor and get away from us screaming lunatics.

Since that afternoon, Caitlin has taken many more steps, still wobbly, still only three or four at a time. Crawling, or holding the hand of a trusted adult remain her preferred choices. As I watch Caitlin determinedly teeter up our front walkway, I often think back to that early morning conversation at work which led to such anxiety. How could I let somebody raise such feelings of insecurity about my amazing little munchkin? Caitlin does things when she is good and ready. She proceeds with caution. She takes baby steps. As her mother, I know this much is true about my daughter. As her mother, I also know other people's expectations and ideas of "what is normal" are just not very important. Still, this is something I must remind myself of often. Just like my daughter, I'm working on this, taking baby steps.