A Tale of Two Sisters

I did my best to prepare M for the arrival of Val this past summer. We read books about being an older sister, and preparing for baby. I talked about her "baby sister" in my belly all the time. She would pay attention, but didn't really seem interested in the whole thing to be honest.

When Val arrived in August, and M came to see us in the hospital, it was a disastrous visit. M cried and said "I wanna go home!" over and over, and didn't even give us a chance to introduce her to her baby sister. We tried the second day we were in the hospital, with the same outcome.

We followed everyone's advice...

Don't hold the baby when the older sibling comes in the room.
Try to include the older sibling in everything you do with the new baby.
Give the older sibling gifts "from" the new sibling.
Yada yada yada...it was still a disaster, and broke my heart a little.

I have seen so many photos of older siblings holding their newborn sibling while visiting mom in the hospital. I wanted that photo! I wanted my sweet little girl to be excited that her new best friend was finally here, and be excited to help Mama out with changing diapers and giving her a bath. We were off to a rocky start, but hopefully things were going to quickly get better. Yeah, not so much.

When we brought Val home from the hospital, M was at school. M's excitement over Mommy and Daddy being home abruptly came to an end when she saw Val in the bassinet in the same room. She froze in horror and literally backed out of the room in silence. She wanted absolutely nothing to do with this alien Mommy and Daddy brought home. That thing was going back soon right? No such luck M.

this was the best we could do!

Over the next few days M warmed up to being in the same room with Val, but that was about it. If I was holding her, M would stay on the other side of the room from me. If I tried to get her to sit next to me, while holding Val, drama would ensue and screams of "no thanks Val!" would start. My heart broke when Val was just two weeks old, and we tried to get a photo of the two of them on the couch. M burst into tears and refused to sit next to the little lump that Val was...we tried to distract M and then dump Val on the couch next to her, with no such luck. See the photo on the right for the end result. High comedy, but seriously it broke my heart that M had such feelings toward helpless little Val.

the only other occasion where
I dressed them the same :)

Weeks went by and we finally got M to sit on the couch next to me and Val, and when she was around a month old, we actually got M to touch Val's hand. Of course she recoiled in disgust, but she touched Val's hand nonetheless. It was progress.

It wasn't until Val was about 7 weeks old that M finally took a photo while holding her. One of M's friends had asked to hold Val, and we took a photo of them together, and I guess M realized that Val wasn't so awful after all and actually asked to hold Val. Of course I teared up while I was rapidly firing off shots with my camera of this history making moment - until M let go of Val and almost dropped her.
Since that moment we have had about 3-4 other occasions where M has sat with Val for a photo, and each time I get a little choked up looking at my two babies together.

I will only hold this thing for 10 seconds

M still doesn't show much interest in Val, who is now 3 months old. If Val cries M will cover her ears and say "what's wrong with Val?" If they are sitting on the couch with Daddy, M might look over at Val and quickly touch her foot, and then act like she didn't do anything.

If I am putting M down for the night, I will lay Val in her bed next to her which of course leads to "No thanks Val! Mommy take her out of my bed!" but I will leave her in there and after a few minutes I will catch M looking over at her and smiling while I am reading to the two of them.

The other night I was lucky enough to see M lean over and give Val a kiss on the head while they were in bed together. M then looked up at me and said "Goodnight Mommy...Val stay in my bed?" I scurried out of the room and stood in the hallway peering through the crack of the door watching as M slowly reached out and touched Val's belly. It was the cutest thing I have ever seen. Of course 20 seconds later I hear "Mom! No thanks Val! You can take her now!"

She still won't help me change a diaper, or shows no interest in helping me get Val dressed, and will most times pitch a fit each time I put Val within a two foot radius of wherever she is, but I think she is warming up to her a little more each day.

Parenting Two Kids = NO JOKE

Today marks two weeks since I had my second child, Val. Let me start this post by saying that in these last two weeks I have gained more respect than I ever thought I could for mothers and fathers of two+ children. Holy crap, this job is no joke. I have so much to report that I could separate this one post into many, but I am going to just give you the facts. 

Here is Mama J's two week report: 

- I have a house husband. And I freaking love it - and love him even more than I did before for taking over all of my responsibilities, except breastfeeding baby Val. He has pretty much taken sole responsibility of M, he is taking the dog to the park every day, he lets me sleep all I want, he does the dishes, he does the grocery shopping and any other errands that need running. I rue the day he has to go back to work (next week at some point) but as he explained in order to keep our house, he needs to work, so I guess he needs to go back. Boooooo. 

- My boobs were made for breastfeeding. As I have mentioned a million times, I didn't breastfeed M. I pumped for 14+ weeks. This time with Val I was determined (and scared shitless) to breastfeed. Well, she took to it like a champ and my giant melon jugs are falling right in line with her. I am not in pain (except when milk comes back in), nips are good to go, and she latches like she was born to breastfeed. In the last 2 weeks she has put on one pound 5 ounces! 

- It is nearly impossible to get out of the house with two children. I used to laugh when my friends would talk about how hard it is to get out of the house with two kids, when I should have been giving them the benefit of the doubt. This shit is no joke. Just the sheer packing of the diaper bag for two kids takes 15 minutes. Diapers, wipes, change of clothes, burp cloths, snacks, drinks, tissues, Nose Frida, boogie wipes (M has been sick the past week), my wallet, phone, keys, nursing pads, hooter hider...and guaranteed I go up and down the stairs at least 3 times during the getting ready...and have to go back in the house once we are already out of the garage. And this is with two parents at home! I think when my husband goes to work I am just going to stay home all the time. 

- M loves Val, but does not like her. When M came to visit us in the hospital she was on the brink of tears the entire visit (only 15 minutes) and said repeatedly "I wanna go home." The second visit was even less successful and resulted in tears, for both her and I. When we got home she wouldn't even go in the same room as Val. A few days later we got her to remain in the same room, and a few days after that we got her to give Val a high five...and then a kiss on the head. And that is about as far as we have gotten. I tried to take a photo of the two of them (see right) and this was the best I could do after basically throwing Val down on the couch next to M and her realizing what was happening and trying to bolt (notice my husbands hands holding her down and the look of fear on her face). I am doing my best to include M in all I do for Val, but she has not shown any interest at all as of yet. I keep hearing it gets better - hopefully that will be sooner rather than later. 

- The second child is much easier than the first. When you have your second child in the hospital you are immediately in a different class than people who are there having their first. The nurses check in on you much less often, and basically give you your space as they feel like you have been to this rodeo before so you know what you are doing. For the most part that is true, but you really do forget a lot about living with a newborn. They like to be held, a lot - which I have no problem with of course, but trying to run after a 2.9 year old with newborn on your shoulder is not easy. They sleep a lot, and poop a lot, and like to eat a lot. All of this scared me the first time around, but this time around I feel like it is so much easier in general. I can change her diaper in 5 seconds flat. I find myself basically throwing Val around (not literally of course) where I was so freaking scared to move M when she was little. 

- The hard part isn't the baby, it is the toddler. I have found that since Val has been home M seems to be regressing a little bit. She is constantly asking to be picked up and given hugs and kisses (which I love, but most times it is when I have Val in tow, or we are out and about and I can't pick her up). She has been sick with a chest cold, so I know that has something to do with it, but she has been so much more whiny lately. When Val cries or whines M starts to whine or fake cry and she will say "Val is sad...M is sad too!" We had also began attempting to potty train her, but that has gone out the window and she wants nothing to do with the potty. Hopefully things will regulate soon, otherwise Mama is going to be turning to the bottle herself - the red wine bottle!

- Everyone assumes this is your first child. Whenever I have been out the last two weeks with just Val in tow every person that I talk to assumes (rightfully) that this is my first child. My favorite scenario was when I was at Isis, and a class was released as I was checking out, and a group of young moms with babies who were about 6 months old comes over to me and says "Oh she is so cute! How old!" and I said, "10 days," and they were all "I bet you are tired! Don't worry it gets better...I remember when my daughter was that age and...yada yada yada." I just smiled and acted naive - but I wanted to say "in about a year that sweet child you are holding won't be so sweet anymore!" 

So life is good - crazy and tiring - but good...actually great. I truly feel like our family is complete and love having baby Val in our lives. Stay tuned for many more posts about being a mother of two!