A Thank You Letter to My Boobs

Dear Girls,
Happy Holidays! It's your owner here...the one that you dangle so precariously from.

We go way back, the three of us. I remember when you first arrived, later than all the other girls' boobs. I was so excited to support you in my little "bra" - which was more tank top/sports bra than a real bra. I didn't care, I was just happy you start poking your little heads out of my chest.

You never really had time to shine, as you stayed around a B cup for most of my life, which at 5' 9" with my "athletic" (that is what it could have been called back in the day when I worked out - now I will just call it "svelte" or fat - no quotes needed there as I am just fat these days.) It wasn't until I started taking all those medications to try and get myself pregnant that you really had your day in the sun...soon going from a B to a D, making my husband a very happy camper.

At D you stayed, and so did all that extra "baby weight" which helped your situation, through to this last pregnancy. But then you thought "why stay at D, when we could go all the way to E! And if she keeps eating the way she is while pregnant why don't we just keep on growing!!"

So you got the best of me, and I bought my 36E bras to wear while pregnant...and there you have remained when Val came into the world.

When you were put to the task of breastfeeding Val you both put up and shut up and performed beautifully - producing milk enough for a small village, never allowing the nips to get sore or cracked. We were a dream team the three of us.

But sadly our breastfeeding adventure has come to an end. You have probably wondered where that sweet little baby face that munched on your all day long has gone. "I thought we were doing our job?" Well, boobs, you were, but Mama here needed to change, for her own sanity, and Val seems to be taking to that powdery goodness we call formula. I know, it will never be as delicious as your milky goodness, but if you want us all to survive this next year, you will support me in this decision.

I thank you for fulfilling your purpose in life over the past 4 months. Val thanks you as well.

And now I ask to throw me a bone and don't head too far south for the remainder of my life. I know you will be sad and droopy because your job is done, but perk up (pun intended)! Things aren't that bad - I promise to lose some weight this next year and get you girls back in shape just in time to show you off during the warm summer months.

Work with me girls...otherwise there might have to be a third party coming at you with a knife to put you in your rightful place.

Happy Holidays,
The body you are attached to

PS. Lefty - please tell righty to throw in the towel, as you have kindly done already. I look like a bad boob job gone wrong!! Lopsided is not a good look for any of us involved.

Bottle Bootcamp: Third Time's a Charm

Before I had Val people would always ask me "are you going to breastfeed?" and not like it is any of their business (receptionist at the nail salon) but yes, I had planned to breastfeed. It didn't work with Marlo, because she was so early, and ultimately I ended up just pumping for 14 weeks with her. Val ended up being full cooked, so this time I was determine to get that "perfect latch" and breastfeed my little lady. I was warned early on that if I wanted to exclusively breastfeed, I shouldn't introduce a bottle until 4-6 weeks so as not to cause "nipple confusion."

To my surprise she latched like a champ on her first try (and we have had zero problems every since.) So we followed orders (from doctors and lactation consultants) and didn't introduce the bottle until 5 weeks. And damn were we confused when Val just stuck out her tongue and refused to latch onto that silicone nipple. What is happening here? Why isn't she taking this into her mouth? Parental confusion is more like it.

We bought every kind of bottle out there, and tried again for days on end...and not once did she take the nipple into her mouth and actually drink. I was baffled. I had a few friends that said their kid never took a bottle, but there was no way my kid was going to be one of those! If she didn't take a bottle that would mean I would be her sole source of food for God knows how long and that scared the crap out of me.

At 11 weeks old we were told about "bottle bootcamp." The idea is that mom pumps first thing in the morning and the dad stays at home with bottle-refusing-babe all day long consistently trying to get the baby to take the bottle. Mom leaves the house so that baby does not "smell" milk in mom's boobs. Mom comes back just to pump, but while at the house she does not go in the same room as baby. Mom is not allowed to be within 20 feet of baby for 36 hours (or so I was told). Do not make eye contact with your baby, or else! Dad must persist through screams and sobs and force bottle into babies mouth. Baby might not take bottle for hours, but will ultimately because baby is so hungry they have no choice. As long as they have a wet diaper every 6-8 hours they are fine, says the doctors office, but if it comes to 8 hours with no wet diaper, you need to breastfeed the baby. After 36 hours of torture, be sure to give baby at least one bottle a day to remind them of the silicone goodness.

We did this twice. The first time she didn't eat from 5 AM until 2 PM. My poor husband toughed it out those 36 hours but was able to get her eating from the bottle for 2 days straight...until I started to breastfeed her right at that 36 hour mark. She was back on that sweet boob train and wouldn't look twice at a bottle. We tried every trick in the book, and every position in the book and she refused it. All that work for nothing!

Another month went by and we tried it again when she was 3 months old. This time she didn't go quite so long starving herself at the start, and we had her on the bottle for a full 48 hours. But then I introduced the boob again, and once again, she refused the bottle flat out. She was all boob, all the time.

Around 16 weeks I started to lose my mind a little. Val became a grazer - she was eating every hour practically, but only for about 3-5 minutes each time. This continued at night and the longest stretch of sleep I was getting was 2 hours. I was irritable, I was exhausted and I was attached to my baby for 24 hours a day for the most part. She was either sleeping in my arms (as she would only sleep for 30-45 minutes during the day, but I could get at least an hour if she was sleeping on me) or at the boob fountain. I needed a break, but there was nothing I could do because she couldn't take a bottle. I needed to be able to be away from her for more than an hour at a time, but I couldn't and it was driving me a little insane.

Don't get me wrong, I am head over heels about being a mom for a second time and Val is the bees knees. She is such a pleasant baby and an absolute joy, but every Mama needs a break now and then! Every Mama needs a little Dada time now and then too!

My husband was the one that brought up doing the bootcamp again, and I wasn't for it in the beginning, but I was convinced and gave him the green light: we started round three this past Saturday.

And apparently the stars were aligned because Val gave me the best birthday present I could ask for...she took the bottle like a champ! There was no crying, there was no screaming of any sort - she just opened up and threw it back. I have even been able to breastfeed her in the mornings and she happily goes back to the bottle!! And at night....4-5 hour stretches!!!! I am a new woman.

Now I should mention that I made the decision to start phasing out the boob all together. I breastfed her for four months, which is a huge accomplishment in my eyes, and longer than I was able to give Marlo breast milk. So we actually started introducing some formula in the bottles (with pumped milk for now) and I don't know if that did the trick or what, but I am not analyzing it as I don't want to jinx what we have going.

I feel like I have my life back. I didn't love breastfeeding, but I didn't hate it. I was never sore or had any supply issues, so I have nothing like that to complain about. But now I can enjoy multiple cocktails guilt free, I can go out to dinner with my girlfriends, I can go away for the weekend with my husband (take note husband!!) I know this decision is totally a selfish one, but I was not in a good place emotionally or physically last week and needed to make a change.

Thankfully Val was picking up what I was dropping and took the bottle without a fight.

 Val I promise to get you a pony when you grow up!! (it will be mine and little if you catch my drift :)

For the love of Minnie Mouse, take the bottle! (A letter to my two month old daughter)

Dearest Val,

When you came into this world just two short months ago I knew my life was complete, and so was our wonderful family. You have brought so much joy to our lives in the little time you have been in the outside world. I love that you already have your own unique little personality. I can't wait to watch you and your sister grow up side by side and become the best of friends...but...

For the love of Minnie Mouse and your mother's sanity - TAKE THE DAMN BOTTLE!!

When I first put you to my boob it was love at first site - for you and my ginormous melons. You latched right away and went to town and started gaining weight like a high school wrestler trying to make his weight for a big match. We were told to wait until 3-5 weeks to introduce a bottle to you, as we didn't want to create "nipple confusion." You know what I say about nipple confusion? Eff nipple confusion. Eff it in the A.

We snuck two bottles in there before the 3-5 week mark and you took them unwillingly, but you took them. Then around 4 weeks we left you with your grandmother, for a whole hour and a half, and you refused to latch on to the silicone nipply goodness. Your grandmother actually called us to come home from your sister's school meeting because you were inconsolable and breaking her heart with your cries for boob!

We tried and tried for days to get you to latch onto that bottle with no luck. And in those days Mommy started to feel defeated. Am I to have no time away from your sweet little self? Yes I love you with all my heart, but I need my time away. I need my adult time, I need my alone time...I need to get the old Mommy back.

I even sought out the help of a professional at Isis, and tried all of her tried and true tips for getting a breastfed baby to take a bottle. We have tried 5 different brands of bottles - and you have refused them all.

4 nights ago while trying for the third time that day, I was actually able to get you to take an ounce of freshly squeezed b-milk from the bottle (Momma by Lansinoh brand). I had reached my breaking point and looked down at your little face going to town on the bottle and broke down in tears. I was overwhelmed with joy and thought there was finally a light at the end of the tunnel. No longer would I have to turn down offers for fabulous dinners and nights out on the town with friends! Daddy could finally take some of the feedings at night! Mommy was back baby!!

But you teased me Val. I thought you were on your way to bottle town, but no, you just teased me with your latch on that bottle that night. Since then, nothing. Since then I have wasted many ounces of breast milk trying to get you to take a bottle again. You now gag and cry whenever it comes near you, which in turn leads mommy to tears. I thought it was the beginning of Mommy's freedom, but no it was just a fluke.

I am begging you, sweet baby Val, take the bottle!! I am not asking for  you to give up the boob, not by any means. Your precious mama jugs are here for the taking all day long, but I need a break here and there, and if you want to eat when Mommy isn't around, you need to take that silicone nipple in your mouth and show it who's boss!! I don't know how much longer Mommy can go being attached at the boob to you with no freedom in site.

It is breaking my spirit, and Mommy is losing the happy and fun Mommy she used to be. I don't want to have to give Daddy guilt trips when he is out doing adult things, and going to work dinners and drinks with friends as I stay home with you and your sister. Mommy wants to take a shower and get dressed up (in something that doesn't require me to have direct access to my boobs) and actually put some make-up on and have some adult conversation with friends. And booze! I miss my booze...BLURG.

So if you love your Mommy, Val, you will read this letter (she is a genius at 2 months of course) and cut your Mommy a break and take the damn bottle!! Pretty please?!?! I promise to buy you a pony!!

Mama J's New Mama Must Haves

A few weeks ago Mama Bird posted a great list of her favorite products for traveling with a new baby so I decided to follow suit and post my "must haves" for new and second time moms out there. Lots of these products are breastfeeding related, which was a whole new world to me this time around (as you all have heard me mention 100 times :). So without further ado, where is my list of must-have products for the breastfeeding/new mom:

I don't look this good in it,
but I wear them every day!

1. Glamourmom Nursing Tanks: I wear these most days - either by itself around the house, or under a non-nursing-friendly shirt if I am going out. That way if I have to nurse in public I don't have my jelly roll belly hanging out for all to see. I also sleep in these so I don't have to fumble with another layer when nursing half asleep.

2. Anita Nursing Bras: These are my go-to nursing bras, if not wearing a nursing tank. They are a little pricey but invest in 2 nude colored bras and you will be set. They give amazing support without having any padding. I will definitely wear these after nursing too. I was wearing a size 36D bra before getting pregnant, then I bought 38DD nursing bras without getting fit. I went to a fancy bra shop and found out that I am actually a 36F, and I was amazed at how well these bras fit! Get yourself to a bra fitter before you buy nursing bras that is for sure! And wait until after you have the baby to do so...

3. Mamajama sleep bras: I wear these when I am sick of feeling constricted in a bra, or when my boobs are sore and I want to feel naked but with a little support. So soft and comfy - but definitely not to be worn out in public if you have giant melons like I do!

My Breast Friend Forever!

4. My Breast Friend- Boppy's are baby school when it comes to nursing - and by that I mean a joke. They don't give the baby the support that the My Breast Friend gives them. I love it's firm pillow, with the two contoured areas for baby's head. And the fact that you can strap it to you to keep it raised in places is great. Every nursing mom needs at least one of these.

5. Lansinoh Nursing pads - Every nursing mother knows that if you don't wear nursing pads in your bra you are in for an embarrassing situation. I tried 3 different brands this time around, and found these to be the most absorbent, allowing me to change them fewer times than Johnson & Johnson and Medela brands.

6. Moby Wrap - Val is a baby that spends most of her day in my arms or in the Moby or Ergo carriers. The Moby is my favorite because it holds her so securely right against my body. Sure it takes a couple times to get the actual wrapping down pat, but once you have it down it is second nature and can be done in about 20 seconds.

Julia Roberts uses it, so
should you.

7. Ergo Baby Carrier - I tend to use the Ergo more when I am out and about than when I am at home. I can get it on much easier when standing outside the car (just two clips as opposed to 17 feet of fabric that will most likely touch the ground) than I can the Moby. Now since I first purchased this in 2009, I had the older infant insert (just basically a square piece of quilted fabric). I saw that it had been redesigned so I purchased the newer version (that looks like something an Inuit baby would be wrapped in). It was a total waste of money - in fact I think both are. You can just as easily wrap the baby in a substantial blanket (see #8) and then put her in the Ergo just fine. The idea is to give the baby more neck support and padding, and it isn't necessary to spend an addition $35 on the insert, when you are already spending so much on the carrier itself.

8. Stroller Blanket from PB Kids - I received two of these as gifts when Valerie was born. I never ever thought I would get so much use out of them! And I have yet to actually use them for what they are intended - a stroller blanket. I use them in place of the infant insert in the Ergo, for tummy time, for photo shoots, in the car, at home just as a blanket. They are so amazingly soft and luxurious. Best baby gift we got this time around for sure!

9 .  White Noise App for iPhone: Val hates the car - Hates with a capital H. Earlier this week I wrote a post about how I am like Sandra Bullock in Speed when in the car with her - as soon as I go below 60 she screams... that was until I put on a white noise app with sounds of the ocean the other day! I think at first she was a little scared by it, but she quickly settled and slept the entire 30 minute drive. M loved the white noise when she would sleep when she was first born too...there are a ton to choose from in the app store so check them out before you spend money on a white noise machine!

10. Petunia Picklebottom Diaper Bag: After a rodent got into my Petunia Picklebottom boxy back pack when we were at a music class in Southie last year, I went on a crazy search to find that perfect diaper bag when I found out I was pregnant with Val. I knew I wanted a backpack, as I have a bad back and carrying anything to heavy on one shoulder makes it worse, so I needed even distribution. After reading countless reviews of every backpack (diaper bag and plain old back pack) and trying most out in person, I settled on the same one I had last time. I love the choice of patterns, the size is perfect (but I do find that I fill it to the brim with two kids worth of stuff) and my husband can carry it without feeling like he is carrying a lady-bag (ok, it is pretty feminine, but it isn't one that looks like a ladies purse!).

11. Aden & Anais Muslin Blankets: I purchased these on a whim before I had M as I had to use up money on a gift card, and damn am I glad I got these! We use them for everything and anything - burp cloths, swaddling (when Val was first born, but she doesn't get swaddled now), to keep warm, etc. - one is always in our diaper bag, or on the couch, or in the car. And they wash up really nicely too!

11. A Nap - sleep as much as you can. Sleep when the baby sleeps...no matter if you are tired or not, lay down and try to sleep! I know everyone says that, but it is true, as you won't have any other time to nap during the day in the beginning.

12. A glass of wine - While I would love to polish off a bottle of wine, Val refuses to take a bottle right now so I can't pump and dump. I am stuck having a glass of wine here and there, and boy do I look forward to it and savor every last drop! And every Mama should indulge when they can...

13. An iPad for your toddler - Get one. Load it with educational apps, tv shows, movies. Let your toddler use it sparingly and don't feel guilty about it.

14. Alone time - Being a new mom is draining both emotionally and physically. Recharge yourself by taking some time for yourself, whether it be going for a run (ha - yeah I don't run) or getting a pedicure (more my speed). Don't feel guilty for one second about being away from your kids. You deserve that "you" time. And if you can, get a sitter to watch the kids so you and your husband can have some time to yourselves. We have yet to do this since Val arrived, due to the not taking a bottle fiasco, but I am dying for some adult time with my husband out in the real world!

Bittersweet goodbye

This past Saturday morning, I did the usual pre-nap routine with little miss—I closed the shades to her room, zipped her up in the sleep sack, sang her a lullaby, and sat down with her in the rocking glider.  I cradled little miss in my lap, and offered to nurse.  She hesitated and shook her head no.  I knew that was it: she had decided nursing was no longer for her.  As I put her down in her crib for naptime, she cried a little, and I shed a few tears myself.

I have been lucky: for both my kids, I was able to breastfeed them through their first year of life.  Believe me, it wasn’t always easy. You name it, I weathered it: sore and cracked nipples, breast engorgement, mastitis, plugged ducts, leaky breasts.  I am an old pro when it comes to the associated gear. I have a wardrobe of nursing tanks that provide easy access to the boob while discretely covering that awkward, inevitable postpartum midsection jelly-belly; glamourmom is my personal favorite brand (both for the design and the cool name).   Over the years, I have stocked up other nursing paraphernalia: boppy, breast pads, lanolin (my BFF), softjels and soothies.

For when I was away from my kids and couldn't breasfeed, I bought the Cadillac of breastpumps: the Medela “freestyle”—named such because it is powered by a battery pack rather than an outlet plug.  Admittedly it does allow you to walk around, rather than sit captive in one place...though I don't think it feels so “free”—after all, you are pumping milk from your breasts. (Did I hear, “Moo”?)  With my pump and “hands-free bustier” to hold those pump horns in place, I have pumped everywhere: at home (walking around doing chores), work (sitting at my computer desk between meetings), and even in airport bathrooms (icky). Once a conference, I was so relieved to find a proper (ie, clean, private, and comfortable) mother’s pumping room,  I emailed the organization sponsoring the pump room, thanking them profusely.  

Physical discomforts and logistical challenges aside, breastfeeding has been a joy.  After the initial “how does this process work anyway?” (and to my surprise, I had to re-learn it each time—after all, each child is different), it’s been a mutual admiration club.  My two kids have loved nursing—almost too much—the dude initially refused taking a bottle, and little miss never did.  Eventually, after we got through the discomfort of the early days of nursing and the sleepless newborn nights, I loved it too.  I cherished the physical closeness, the chance to slow down during the day to cradle them, to caress their baby thighs, admire their baby toes, and hold their baby hands. 

And as they grew, I cherished holding them in my arms and marveling about how big they had gotten.  But soon, it felt like time for each to wean.  With the dude, around that one-year mark I started weaning little by little, dropping one feed at a time.  At first it was hard.  But soon he was dropping feeds on his own.  For a few weeks, he held on to that last feed...until one day before nursing, he sat up, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and that was it. A bit anti-climactic, but very sweet.  I still remember that moment vividly.

With little miss, I was very conscious that the end of nursing also meant the end of infant-hood in our household.  This summer, even as I suffered a few cuts on my nipples, I hung on.  With each feed, I experienced excruciating discomfort--I never thought a tiny, 1/2 centimeter cut could be so painful! I slathered on lanolin, used a breast shield between nursing sessions to help the healing process, and took ibuprofen around the clock to mitigate the pain.  Many times, I contemplated quitting cold turkey.  But I gritted my teeth and soldiered on, committed to the slow wean, as I had done with the dude.  In retrospect, I was a little crazy. But I couldn't quite let go—I knew that when it was over, it would really be over.

Little miss never looked back after that day.  She's never asked to nurse again.  So this week, I’ve given away all my nursing gear.  I’ve noticed I’ve also felt a little blue.  I know that will pass—I’m mourning a big change in my baby’s life, and in mine.  In life, every goodbye is also a hello—in this case, to a new exciting phase: toddlerhood.  Many joys await, but for now, I'm still reminiscing about nursing my baby. It is a bittersweet goodbye indeed.

Attached at the boob

Sweet baby Val with a belly full of
boob juice

It has been four weeks since Val, my second daughter, came into this world. Four weeks of very little sleep, learning to do everything with one hand while Val sleeps on my shoulder and four weeks of lots of caffeine. Val is much different than her sister M - she was fully cooked when born, not five weeks early like M, which of course meant she was larger and more developed. Val has better neck control at four weeks than M did at four months! Also, they facially don't look a damn thing alike...which I love as it makes them their own little individual selves.

But the biggest difference, for me at least, is that for the last four weeks I have been exclusively breast feeding Val. I had severe anxiety about attempting to breast feed her before she was born, but just minutes after she was born she was latched and ready to roll. And she has been eating like a champ ever since. She is packing on the pounds, I haven't had any pain and my milk supply could feed a small village.

So what is there to complain about you might ask...

Well it is a strange thing being the sole food source for another human being, and because I am only pumping once every other day (at most) it is all boobs all the time. If Val was my first born it would be different, but on top of her I have a toddler to take care of as well, making life even more exhausting. And in the last ten days she has been cluster feeding like it is her job. Schedule? What is a schedule? Sometimes she eats every three hours, sometimes it is every 45 minutes. Sometimes it is nonstop for an hour.

Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying the bonding time with her when I feed her. That is, when it is quiet, and I am not in a rush to go anywhere, and I am not stressed about what I have to do next. I love looking down at her little tiny self and rubbing her back and knowing how much she relies on me right now to survive.

But try breast feeding a newborn while trying to make dinner for a whiney toddler with one hand, and having your dog bark at you incessantly because you forgot to put her food out for dinner. Or breast feeding standing up, holding your baby in one arm, while trying to fix your daughters curly mess of a head of hair before school with one hand.

See, even after she is fed Val does not like to be put down. She likes to be held in your arms, preferably over your shoulder. She has a bit of reflux (apparently I breed children with reflux - I am waiting for a study to show that eating a excessive amount of American cheese sandwiches while pregnant causes reflux in babies) so we have to do the holding her upright for twenty minutes after feeding thing now, but even after that 20 she is irritable when I put her down. 90% of her life she has spent in my or someone else's arms, the Ergo or Moby Wrap.

Because of this, things have definitely fallen by the wayside. I shower every other day if I am lucky...and forget shaving my legs. M has been watching a lot more television than she used to, and I am fine with it. I hardly ever cook dinner anymore. I have a laundry basket full of clean clothes in my bedroom that has been there for two weeks and I now use it as a remote closet.

A few nights ago I was ready to throw in the towel. It is hard to go from sleeping 8-9 hours at night to sleeping 45 minutes here, an hour there, and most times with a baby on my shoulder. And then to look over and see my husband sleeping so soundly next to me, while my blurry eyes are trying to focus on the latest round of Scramble With Friends on my iPhone so that I stay awake instead of smothering my tiny baby with my giant breast...after having done the same routine just an hour before. I was driven to tears. I longed for the days when M was a baby and my husband and I took turns feeding her at night, instead of me taking sole responsibility for the 3-4 a night feedings. Mama does not function well on no sleep!

During the next feeding that early morning I got out my iPad and did some research on cluster feedings and it turned out that what Val was doing was fairly common in babies at her young age. Everything I read said that there will be some life come the three month mark...though I don't know if I can handle two more months of this insanity.

But then I came across the most touching article, that brought more tears to my eyes. It is a letter "written" from a newborn to her breast feeding mommy that was featured on theleakyboob.com website last year. It is heartfelt and touching, and kind of gave me a slap in the face. What I am doing is so important for her health and well-being right now, that I just need to put my needs to the side and tough it out for a few more months, maybe more.

My husband asked me the other day "so how long are you planning to keep solely breast feeding Val?" and I didn't really have an answer. I had never set a goal for myself (and Val) but I couldn't be happier that I made it to four weeks already. Hopefully the nights will get easier in the next few weeks as she gets bigger and bigger, and hopefully some day in the near future we will actually be able to go more than 45 minutes without being attached, as Mama's back needs a break peanut!!

I would love to hear from other nursing mothers out there about cluster feeding in the first few weeks, as well as if there is any hope for feedings to get shorter and more spread apart any time in the future!!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Breastfeeding Anxiety

It is late Sunday afternoon...all is quiet here at my house...my husband is at work, my dog is resting peacefully and M is in the fourth hour of her nap. I am sitting at my computer, putzing on the internet, looking at my bookmarked sites that I browse daily - and I have 2 weeks left till my due date. I came to the conclusion yesterday that I am actually really excited to meet my new baby girl. I am ready for my life to be even crazier, to be running around after two children, to be sleep deprived and all that comes with having a newborn. The house is ready for her (she has about 4 places to sleep set up around in various rooms), her newborn sized diapers are out and waiting, I have my hospital bag packed and I am ready to do this. Roll tide!

But just now a different feeling of anxiety has overcome me. As I sit here reading all my mommy websites and blogs I am overwhelmed as it is the end of National Breastfeeding Week and everything I am reading has to do with breastfeeding babies. If you have been reading the blog since M was born you will know that I had a great struggle breastfeeding her as she was a month early, she was smaller than my boobs when she was born and unable to latch and suckle, and I ended up pumping and bottle feeding for almost 5 months of her life. Yes I sought out support from 2 lactation consultants and tried all the nipple shields and other tricks that were recommended, but it never happened for us.

When I think back to my pregnancy with her, I don't remember much of anything. When I think back to the birth I remember dribs and drabs of the 18 hour experience of getting her out of me (3 epidurals that never really took are unable to be forgotten!). But it feels like it was just yesterday that I was in our interim room after giving birth (there wasn't a room ready on the actual maternity floor so we were put in a holding room) and they wheeled M in to me for the first time (as she went to the NICU for an hour or so to be checked out because she was so small). My delivery nurse had become my BFF in the long hours we spent together, but this new nurse was the polar opposite - all business and no love. She took M out of the bassinet and gave her to me and said "she needs to be fed." I wanted to throw up.

I had taken a breastfeeding class, read a few books, watched instructional videos, but nothing really prepares you for that moment when you are first handed your child, and all eyes are on you with your giant naked boob just laying there and your new child screaming in hunger in your arms. I remember the nurse saying something like "just shove your breast in her mouth..." and me being like "what? don't I have to do this? How should I hold her?" and just wanting to die of embarrassment.

Is this how every other new mom felt? Did this come totally naturally for every other person delivering at that time? What the hell was I doing wrong? I thought I was supposed to enjoy this?

After a few minutes with no success we ended up giving M formula. I tried and tried to breastfeed her while at the hospital, with the help of a lactation consultant there as well, with no success - and even less hope for when I got home. It all ended up working out fine, and I was happy pumping so that my husband could share the feeding burden with me, and M is now healthy and very happy.

But as I sit her so close to meeting my new baby girl I have agida over attempting to breastfeeding her when she comes into the world! She has already made it 2 weeks past how far M was inside me, so she will be more developed which is great, and I know I could be fretting all for naught, but seriously I can't stop thinking about that moment when they hand her to me to try to feed her in the hospital. Will I be successful this time? Will she be a natural and latch right away? Will I want to throw up like I did last time? Will that same mean nurse be with me during my first try?

I have spent the last hour looking at all these photos of women breastfeeding their babies like it is as easy as breathing, and reading all these stories about how these women were born to breastfeed, and it isn't helping my anxiety at all. There is so much pressure to breastfeed your baby nowadays, all for the right reasons of course, but I am feeling that pressure from all sides right now.

All my friends and family ask me if I plan to breastfeed this new baby, and of course I say yes, but if it doesn't work out, won't they think of me as a failure? Even today when I went shopping for nursing bras and tanks the woman at the store was talking non-stop about the wonders and joys of breastfeeding. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it didn't work out with M, so I just told her that I did breastfeed M so I didn't have to go into the whole story.

When I do tell people the story of how I was unsuccessful with M I always get the comments about how I should have sought out more support and help - or have done anything to make it work. There is so much pressure on new moms to make breastfeeding work...sometimes that pressure makes it all that much harder for it to click in the first place.

I wish I was one of those mothers who was a natural breastfeeder, and who knows, with this next child I might be. For now I just need to go take some Zantac and a few Tums to settle this nauseous feeling I have in my stomach...stay tuned for the boob report once the baby is here! I am sure I will have a lot to say.

not about anything

When I got pregnant I heard all the time how breastfeed would take all those extra pounds, I would loose it and never look back.
Now breast feeding never really worked out for me and the food in America is so yummy I'm still looking like a chubby 9 month pregnant women.
How does anyone do it? I work from 9-6 Monday to Thursday, I leave home at 8.15 and get home usually 6.45 by then I'm so tired and just want to chill plus any classes at gyms are over and done with, on Fridays my hubby works and I have alone time with my bg so we try to get out and do fun things but no gym, no gym ever it feels like.
I used to be really big (well I'm only one size away from that really big) and joined ww, it worked great for me, I had a goal and I had a firm week to week thing, but ww is a lot of involvement, the cooking, the counting, the meetings, and all that took up so much time, it made me think less of those snacks in between coz I had to plan everything. I'd love to get back to that, but I have no time now.

What did you all do? Seriously though, with very little time, no family around to help out and a young baby.
what happened to me?
where did I go?
I have gained pounds and a little wonderful amazing girl, but where did my will power go?

Do you ever feel lost and then ashamed for that feeling?

I always try to be honest with anyone who asks me about who things are at home, with baby and all, If things at the moment are good, I'll say just that, but if they are not so good I'll say that too, no one else seems to though, everything is always peachy.
I have been reading this blog www.motherhoodwtf.com
it's so funny, open and honest and it makes me feel better about life and the world.
I do picture this women as tall, slim and very very pretty coz that's how she sounds, but nice, a little bit scary, but she sounds nice....
I am hoping that my postings on this blog might not be as funny but they are open and honest, I think we need more of that in this world...
lots of love to you all.
xx

The Time Magazine Cover: Everyone else is talking about it so here we go!

Unless you have been living under a rock, you have by now caught a glimpse of the controversial cover of the latest Time Magazine (seen at right) where a woman is pictured breastfeeding her three year old. I figured everyone else is talking about it, so why don't I chime in and give my two cents (or $1.25.) Let me first start by saying that I have not read the article, as I don't subscribe to Time, I am simply commenting on the cover images, the idea of attachment parenting and my feelings when I saw this yesterday.

Let me give you a little background on my "parenting style" before I delve into my opinion on the cover and topic at hand...

As for breastfeeding...M was born 4 weeks early, and was just a tiny 5 pound little peanut. I had full intention of breastfeeding her for an unplanned amount of time, but had major difficulty due to her early birth, her size, the size of my gigantic melons, etc.. After four weeks of trying my hardest, and visiting with Lactation Consultants, I gave up and just exclusively pumped until she was 16 weeks of age. At that point I was exhausted and felt like a cow and just wanted my body back, so we went to formula after my massive frozen supply ran out. I felt like I had done my part as well as I could have, and didn't feel guilty for a second switching her to formula.

As for co-sleeping...there were times when M was first born that she slept between us, propped up on a Boppy (yes I know you aren't supposed to do that, but Mama needed her sleep), but other than that she has always slept on her own, whether it be in the carseat next to our bed for the first couple months (she had terrible reflux) or in her crib next-door to us at 12 weeks. To this day she does not crawl into bed with us in the middle of the night - she is happy where she is, and I am happy that she is happy, as the two times she did sleep with us (due to sickness) I didn't sleep a wink. Plus she tends to end up sideways and forcing us to the edge of the bed with her extra long legs. My husband and I like our bed to ourselves.

As for baby wearing...I was and am all for it. M spent a good deal of the first 6 months of her life attached to me in the Moby. I love having my hands free and she loved being all wrapped up in a baby cocoon against my skin. I did use the Ergo a few times after she outgrew the Moby, but was never a huge fan of it, so soon after I went to a stroller. I cannot imagine M, now 2.5 years old, being worn by either my husband or I though. She is probably about 40 inches tall and weighs 30 pounds and would rather walk on her own for sure.

Ok with that all said, let me get to the subject at hand - the Time cover and other images of women breastfeeding their older children. My first reaction - GASP! My second reaction - I am totally uncomfortable looking at these photos! My third reaction - I cannot look away!

Let me say this, breastfeeding is a beautiful, natural thing. I am totally comfortable with women breastfeeding in front of me. I have seen many a friends boobs go into their babies mouths, and I am fine with it. If I could have done it I would have, and plan to give it the old college try again with baby number two. But there comes a point in time where it gets a little uncomfortable for me personally (and I know people will have problems with this, but again, this is JUST ME)...when your child can walk and talk in full sentences, and has a full set of teeth, then it becomes (dare I say it) a little weird to me. The thought of breastfeeding M right now, who is very tall for her age, seriously gives me the heeby jeebies. And I don't know if that is because I never actually breastfed her to being with? Or the fact that she speaks in complete sentences and is the size of a 4 year old.

Isn't there a time in a child's life where it isn't nutritionally beneficial anymore? And I am asking that in all seriousness, because I do not know. When a child is 5 years old and still breastfeeding is it not just a comfort thing for both the mom and the child? And as I am writing this I think "even if that is the case, what is wrong with comforting your child like this?"

Why does the thought of this make me so uncomfortable? Why do I think it is weird when someone breastfeeds for an extended period time, when it is the way it has been for millions of years with mankind?

My other thought is that I look at my boobs as a sexual part of my body, and to have them exposed to a child that could possibly understand that makes me uncomfortable. How do you have a sexual relationship with your husband if you have your young kids pawing at your chest all day to have a snack? Doesn't that de-sexualize your breasts? Again, I am asking for some clarity on this all, as this is just the way I feel about it.

The co-sleeping, or family bed, thing I understand even less. I love my child more than I can explain, and love giving her hugs and kisses, and holding her in my arms, and sitting with her on the couch, or having her on my lap, but do I need to have her next to me at every waking (or sleeping) hour of the day? No I don't. And what does the co-sleeping thing do for your relationship with your husband or partner?? You have another human being in between you every time you go to sleep - how do you get it on? Or do you not? And what does that do to your relationship?

I am not saying this is all wrong, it is just not right for me, and I would love for someone to explain why it is right for them. I promise not to judge, as I am sure you feel it is as right for you as it isn't right for me.

My problem with these photos is that I feel like they are posed the way they are for shock value - and let me tell you I was a shocked. (Not as much as I was when Prince Robert Aryn (the boy prince from Game of Thrones - son of Lysa) was still at his mom's breast at the age of 9, and they clearly depicted that on the tv show!) I feel like these moms are just depicted as food sources, with the kid on the chair or the little girl staring at the camera. I feel like it should have shown a more nurturing side of the act of breastfeeding - but is there that side when the kid can tie his own shoe and whip out your boob on his own? I feel like the cover image should have a bubble above the kids head saying "yeah that's right, these are my boobs! You gotta problem?"

And I have an even bigger problem with the subject line "Are You Mom Enough?"WTF Time Mag? Am I not a good enough Mom, or "Mom Enough" because I don't still breastfeed my giant child and don't have her create a wedge in between my husband and I in bed? Are mother's that formula feed their babies not good enough moms? If I feel uncomfortable with this whole thing, does that make me a bad Mom?

A friend of mine recently wrote an eye opening article for Isis that you should all read on this subject. Nancy talks about how this type of parenting has been going on for millions of years, so why do we feel the need to dissect and discuss at length all of the sudden? Why do we feel the need to defend our styles of parenting to each other?

When I started writing this post I was totally in defense mode (and I know I seem somewhat defensive still - thanks TIME!) and Nancy made me realize that we all raise our kids as we see fit, whether it is sleeping with them until they are 5, or putting them in a crib at 3 months. It was like a slap in the face when she said "What if we talk more about helping parents to support one another through the challenges of raising children, and less about criticizing those who have different ideas about how to nurture their children? Why is our society so concerned and fascinated with parents who (in society’s opinion) “over” parent (the “helicopter” mom, “hockey-dads”, over-scheduled kids, extended-breastfeeding) , rather than focusing more on those who “under” parent?"


I am totally guilty for judging other parents for the way they nurture and raise their children, and I need to open my eyes and shut my mouth. 


So with that said, please discuss in the comment section...I look forward to hearing what you have to say about all of this!

Do Not Fear La Leche League!

submitted by Mama M

Breastfeeding has been a challenging road for us, and still is to this day, 6 months later. At first it seemed like it would be easy, baby C latched on the first try in the hospital and I thought I had just the normal amount of discomfort. A few weeks later, when the discomfort just continued to get worse I went to see the first lactation consultant (at Isis), she told me that baby C had a high palate and I needed to basically shove as much of my boob in there as I could. This meeting was very stressful and I left feeling rushed and not very supported.

Another few weeks pass and the pain was only getting worse, I went to see the second lactation consultant (at Lactation Care in Newton). I liked this experience much better, and would highly recommend them (even though it didn’t quite solve my problems). This consultant said that we had thrush and recommended treatment, she helped by calling the pediatrician who called in prescriptions for baby C for Nystation oral and for me for APNO. Unfortunately I had a terrible reaction to the APNO (burning sensation), but I persisted with this treatment- twice!

Thrush is a yeast infection, and its symptoms can present in either or both mom and baby. Online I read it described as ‘deep breast pain’, personally I would describe it as feeling like someone wearing a metal glove was periodically throughout the day grabbing my boob and squeezing it- ouch!

Fast forward another month, still having pain, and I had moved halfway across the country due to my husband’s job.  I am currently living far from family and friends, in a small town in southern Illinois (after previously having lived in New York City and Boston), where the closest Starbucks is 80 miles away in another state and the nearest Whole Foods is 3 hours away. Yup, we got Walmart and that’s about it. Actually it is a cute college town, just not the big city I am used to. So, with not much around, I reach out to La Leche League leader and she suggested trying a holistic treatment of Gentian Violet and Vinegar rinses. Within days the pain that I had endured for 3 ½ months subsided. It was like a whole new world.

Now, even though the LLL leader had helped me by email/phone, I was still hesitant to attend a meeting. I expected it would be all hippie-women wearing scarves and talking about how beautiful and natural and easy breastfeeding is. Boy, was I wrong. The women at the meeting are incredibly supportive about breastfeeding and all kinds of parenting issues, many of the leaders had issues with breastfeeding themselves which is why they want to help other mothers. Shame on me for judging them before I even met them.

Being out here in the middle of America, it can be hard to meet other moms and make friends. Well, going to the LLL meetings is one way that I have been able to meet some fabulous women who are very open-minded and supportive, and had some fun playdates.

Pregnant and planning to breastfeed? Get yourself to a La Leche League meeting before the baby comes. Have a newborn baby and having issues? Stop by your local chapter meeting for support or call your local leader, they really do just want to help.

Radio Silence and the Art of Being Present

This weekend, my husband and I took the kids to a retreat with our synagogue. We stayed in a cabin, took walks in the woods, sang with the kids and made some new friends.

I was pretty nervous about going on this trip, since our kids are so young (2 years and 4 months). We weren't sure how they would do sleeping in the same room (they were great) or whether there would be other kids that young (there were) or if it would rain the entire time (it did, it didn't matter). But taking two young kids into the woods to uncertain sleeping and potty conditions was not the scariest thing we did this weekend.

Oh no, in the spirit of really getting away and observing shabbat, we turned off our cellphones. The entire time we were there.

I am a little embarrassed to tell you that this was even a big deal. What do I do on my phone that is so important anyway? Tool around on facebook? Be alerted that crocs are on sale at zulily? Schedule playdates for next week? Really. I am not determining the fate of the free world here. I am just so used to having the phone at all times, whipping it out to take pictures, look up the answer to a question, or read a book or some blogs.

Or check the time. My husband doesn't wear a watch and not having the phone clock totally stumped him.

I am most guilty of being addicted to the phone while nursing. Having the phone makes the time I am tied to the rocking chair a little adult break for me. Of course, when I am having that break, I am not paying attention to my daughter. I'm nursing her, but a good portion of my attention is on the palm of my hand.

It is important to me that my children feel like I am fully engaged with them. But I struggle with activities that honestly don't require my full attention, like nursing my daughter or watching my son take a bath. My mind wanders to the things I could be taking care of, the phone call to the roofer, the mess in the kitchen, the load of laundry that needs to go into the dryer. I like the idea of being fully present and really appreciating the little moments I have with my kids while they are so small. But there is just so much to do - those sippy cups really do have to be washed or my kid can't drink his milk later. And trying to be fully engaged in some of our daily activities is just mind-numbingly boring. Seriously, kid. Just eat the yogurt and let's move on.

The work of mothering is interesting like that - one moment you are bored to tears because FOR GOD'S SAKE GET OFF THE POTTY ALREADY YOU HAVE BEEN SITTING THERE FOR A HALF HOUR AND NO I DON'T WANT TO READ HOP ON POP AGAIN and the next moment you are totally overwhelmed because THERE IS ONLY ONE OF ME I KNOW YOU NEED YOUR MILK RIGHT THIS SECOND JUST HANG ON &*@*&% I AM COVERED IN POOP AGAIN.

ahem.

What I am saying is one second I'm really struggling the stay afloat, and the next I'm struggling to stay awake. What kind of crazy job is this? How am I supposed to be fully present when my day never seems to progress at the right pace for me?

If you have any answers for this, please leave them in the comments. Seriously - how does this work for you guys?

For me, I guess I'm going to practice. I am going to start by really cutting back on the phone. I may have to multitask between answering my 30th "why" question in a row and making dinner because we really do have to eat. I don't have to multitask between tummy time and twitter, because when it comes down to it, twitter just isn't important enough.

Zen and the Art of Breastfeeding Mechanics

I admit it. My child is formula fed.

I clearly have some issues with that – though I know I shouldn’t. My mom fed me and my sisters formula and we all became successful, independent, strong, loving women with our own families, but I still get nervous that someone will notice the bottle containing powder in my diaper bag and judge …Sometimes I feel like I am wearing a scarlet F on my back.

I started off breastfeeding and I didn’t have any of the problems that often accompany those early learning days. Zero discomfort. No cracked nipples. Latch problem? Heck no, Little S was a champ from day one, showing Mama K how it is done. That being said, I wasn’t exactly enjoying the experience. Every day (or, more accurately, every 2 hours) I reminded myself that I was doing something important for my daughter’s health – I was giving her the best of me. But, feedings were still stress city for both Little S and me.

I often stared longingly as some other mamas breastfed their babies at a new mamas’ group. There appeared to be this total Zen relationship that was the exact opposite of the frantic one that Little S and I shared. I would watch as the babies, beautifully wrapped in the perfectly arranged sling (seriously, how do you achieve that?), would look up at their mamas with a sweet, knowing look. Mamas smiled sweetly at the little ones and knew exactly what that “look” meant. The mamas then started immediately feeding their children, without even exposing a centimeter of skin. There was no crying, no wailing, no spit-up – just total contentment and satisfaction. (Sure – there might be some element of exaggeration in this story – but I swear, from where I was sitting, I could hear angels singing.)

While I watched this totally beautiful breastfeeding miracle, I looked down at my sleeping child (in her carseat – not a sling by the way), praying that she wouldn’t wakeup while we were at the group. Because I knew that the second she woke, she would realize she was hungry and start to wail – and I mean really wail. I would then fumble with my wrap, breastfeeding tank, and dripping boobs, while her shrieking continued, undoubtedly exposing my entire boob and a good deal of my belly. (Heck – why not throw in the C-section scar while I am at it?) Then, Little S would attack my boob and start sucking…seriously sucking and gulping. You could hear the gulps from outside but at least I could breathe a sigh of relief for a second. I was breastfeeding.

And, then came the gagging…Little S is now off the boob – struggling for air – I start to burp her and calm her down and the screaming starts again. She wants more food –but she can’t really breathe yet. What’s a girl to do?! Then – wait for it – the spit-up fest. Ok, ladies, I know “spit happens” – I think those bibs and shirts are cute too. Spit-up really doesn’t bother me – but this was no ordinary spit up. We’re talking two burp cloths a feed and I would be drenched along with Little S. There was no Zen anything happening here. By the time it was all over, Little S was so exhausted that she was back to sleep, and I was giving myself a pep talk for the next feed.

I realize some kids eat like Little S, and I was happy that she was growing fast and furiously, but I yearned for the experience of the other mamas (who surely were exhausted and had plenty of complaints of their own, but in my eyes, were totally amazing). I started to think that maybe something was actually wrong when Little S would turn bright red from head to toe while feeding, arch her back, and scream like a hyena. In the end, we discovered that she had acid reflux and a milk allergy. I immediately started pumping and eating a dairy-free diet while she tried the super-duper hypoallergenic formula (nothing average for Little S), but pumping 8x a day to keep up with her feeds, pushed me to my limit, and I said farewell to breastfeeding. Little S was now (and still is) thriving on manmade formula.

Amazingly, the night before we found out about her milk allergy, Little S and I had a beautiful moment. We were playing together and she gave me a look. I had a friend over, so I quickly adjusted my wrap, and Little S began to eat, quietly, gently and beautifully. I was amazed and happy. She was happy. And, surprisingly, when I feed her bottles now, I sometimes wish I could give it another go and that I had pushed through a little longer or found some compromise. But, we’re all doing just fine. (And, no matter what you are doing, you and your kid will be ok too).

Twenty Bucks an Hour for Ringworm

Boston's babies are very active. There are a variety of classes and activities available to keep those under age 2 very busy. However, these classes don't come cheap. It's approximately $20/hour for a class where toddlers play with trucks and moms discuss (read: gripe about) their child's sleep issues. I should open my own Baby School in my living room and charge half that price...it'd be a gold mine. Also, said classes are a breeding ground for germs. Ten children who all "play" with toys by licking them, in the heart of cold and flu season, is guaranteed to result in some shared illnesses. Baby has caught every single sickness introduced in these sessions: colds, tummy troubles, and the grossest one yet - ringworm (my baby has a fungus!). And Baby is still breastfed, I can't even imagine how many more illnesses we'd see if Baby wasn't getting an antibody boost. But what's the alternative? Staying inside our small, quiet apartment day after day? I love Baby (duh) but after a point, I need to talk to someone who doesn't respond in raspberries. There's still months of winter left. How do we strike a balance?

A year of growth

Amazing how the past year has flown. I know every mother/parent says it, but to look at how S has grown truly astounds me. But I've grown too, as a person, a wife and a mother.
This whole weekend I reflected on what I was doing a year ago - not knowing I was heading into labor, giving birth and the time following when we came home from the hospital.

I spent so much of this weekend cooking and cleaning, (which was well needed, as we were having our families over to celebrate S's big day on Sunday) but so much of it felt like I was nesting all over again. The morning I went into labor, at 2am, I made sure to sweep the kitchen floor and straighten up everything before I went to the hospital. I prepped food in the fridge and made sure there was toilet paper in the bathroom.

This weekend's cooking involved making food for S so it would be ready for the week. I start my new job on Tuesday - it'll be the first time I've been back in an office for almost 2 years. I'm excited, nervous and empowered all in the same moment. It's part-time, which hopefully will offer me a good balance of work/brain time and Sophia time. I'm not quite sure what to expect in the world of balance, but I know I will do my best to make it happen.

S is getting closer every day to walking on her own. She has been walking while holding our hands for sometime now. Today, she began to walk with just one of our hands in hers. Soon, I know, she will take her first steps, without holding hands at all. And I am very aware that she may do this with the wonderful woman who is watching her. But I know that when she does it with me, it will be the first time I see her walk and that will be amazing too.

This year has brought me even closer to my husband. We take joy in the little things that S does and in our special time alone with her. I love, respect and appreciate the man who is my husband and my daughter's father. We know each other and what it takes to be a great family. For this, I am lucky and thankful.

I am still breast feeding S, and plan to continue for awhile longer. I am actually not sure, emotionally & physically, how to wean her. I know it will happen when the time is right for both of us. My goal was always to make it to her first birthday. While she is drinking cow's milk in addition to breast milk, I like knowing we still have our time together in the mornings. While my baby is getting so big, she is still my little one.

Happy first birthday S. We have both grown and learned so much this year. Bring on the fun and festivities of the rest of our lives!!

No Bottle for Baby!?! Help!

by Mama G

This is a plea for help!  If it does not work, I may never be able to leave my son for more than 3 hours at a time!  (And the thought of that makes me very stressed – Mama needs some time out with the girls.)

The problem is four and half month old Baby C has stopped taking a bottle.   He’ll take the plastic nipple into his mouth, take 3 or 4 sucks, and then realize it’s not the real thing.   This is when he lets his displeasure be known by writhing, flailing and all-out screaming.

It wasn’t always this way.  Baby C had his first bottle at 3 weeks old, courtesy of his dad.  I had done all sorts of reading about breastfeeding and bottles before Baby C’s big brother was born, and 3 weeks old seemed like the magic number.  Not too early so as to cause any nipple confusion, but not too late, when the baby has become more set in his ways.  It worked like a charm the first time, so we figured why change anything the second time around.  Unlike his big brother, who was somewhat reluctant to take the bottle at first, Baby C took to it right away.  I did some pumping each day, my husband did a bottle each night, and I felt a huge weight off my shoulders.

Then life got in the way.  With a highly active 20-month old and a newborn, there just wasn’t much time for pumping.  It was just easier to breastfeed than bottle feed.  Somehow, one bottle a day became one bottle every other day and then one bottle a week.  Without really noticing, suddenly it had been several weeks since Baby C’s last bottle.

Now I am desperate to re-introduce the bottle.  Any other mom’s out there who’ve had success at this?  Please share your story.  I’m ready to try anything at this point!

The other option is to forgo the bottle altogether and go straight to a cup.  My toddler’s sippy cups just seem so big though, and I am having a hard time imagining how that would work.  If you started your baby on a sippy cup early, do you have any recommendations for brand or type?

I’ve got dinner with the girls on the calendar for December 11th and would like to have peace of mind that Baby C will get some milk, from any source except my boob, if needed!

Shut it Gisele

This morning I saw many articles about a statement that model Gisele Bundchen made saying that there should be a worldwide law put into effect making every mother breastfeed her baby until the age of 6 months. (To see the entire article, click here)

I don't even know where to begin to discuss this ridiculousness. First off, I wasn't aware there was a committee that enforced "worldwide laws." Does a representative from each country meet each year in a secret cave under an active volcano and discuss worldwide law enforcement? Does this mean that the puppet movie Team America: World Police is actual a documentary? And secondly, why is anything this dumb stick says newsworthy? I have it on good authority that her "natural birth" was not so natural after all. She gave birth just 6 days after I did in the same hospital, and I know people that know nurses who were there with her and it turns out she ended up having a c-section after all. So there!! Where was I going with this??

As you all know from my many posts about it, I pumped and bottle fed my daughter for 15 weeks of her life. For the first 8 weeks of her life I tried relentlessly to breastfeed her, with help from professionals, with no luck. I do wish it would have worked, because in some ways it would have made my life easier (pumping sucks big time), but I am happy that I stuck it out for the 15 weeks that I did. I struggled with the decision to stop, but after much back and forth, I decided I wanted my life back, and we turned to formula. I think I felt guilty about it for about 30 seconds, and then I was over it.

It was a seamless transition to the formula, for all of us, and our lives were in no way changed. My daughter has been healthy pretty much from day one, and gaining weight like every other breastfed baby out there. I no longer felt guilty for having a glass or wine, I could now eat whatever I wanted, my boobs were my own again and I was not a slave to my daughter's schedule...or the pump for that matter. It does stink that she no longer eats for free at Boober King though as we now dole out about $100 a month for special formula that helps with her reflux.

So why does this model chick now think that I should feel guilty about my choice to give my baby formula? Who is she to say what others should be doing with their babies? I know plenty of mothers that have formula fed their babies from basically day one, and their babies are healthy and strong and growing just fine.

She asks "are you going to give your child chemical food, when they are so little?" Yes Gisele, I give her a detergent chaser after each meal. While I know formula is not an equal match for breastmilk by any means, it has become extremely close in the past few years. And sometimes people don't have a choice but to give their babies formula woman! I have a friend that couldn't breastfeed her baby due to medication she had to take to remain healthy. No way should someone like that feel guilty.

I guess my main problem with this chick is that she thinks she knows what is best for everyone. Yes it worked for her, and that is great, but don't impose your opinions on everyone else. You should not make any mother feel guilty about making the choice not to breastfeed. You have not been in their shoes, you don't know why they chose to do what they did.

What are your thoughts on the issue?

Weaning

This is probably the least interesting topic on this board, but I swear it has promise! Part of your life is about to be returned to you! I was a happy breast-feeder for 13+ months, but I was very happy to be done. I was working full-time and I was more than happy to say good-bye to my pump. Here are some quick steps to an easy weaning experience.

• Take it slow. It took me about 2 1/2 months to go from breastfeeding/pumping six or so times to a day to being completely done. I was petrified about getting mastitis, so I gave my body plenty of time to adjust. I dropped one nursing session a week. If my body still felt full during the time of my dropped session, I'd wait an extra day or two (e.g., the nursing session I dropped was at 3 pm and my next session was at 6 pm, if I couldn't make it to 6 pm comfortably, I'd wait a few more days before dropping the next session).
• Shorten sessions before dropping. This is harder to do if you're actually nursing vs. pumping, but it still can work (consider feeding your child before you nurse and make sure there is a cup of milk ready when you pull them off). If you normally nurse or pump for 10 minutes, start by shortening the time nursing/pumping to 8 minutes. Drop 2 minutes each day until the session is only a minute or two. Depending on how long you typically nurse, it might take a week for you to get down to a minute or two. You can go ahead and start dropping a new session at the end of the week or stay as is for another week, giving your body extra time to adjust. I found I didn't need to shorten the sessions when I was still nursing/pumping 4 times a day, but once I was down to just 3 sessions, it felt more comfortable to shorten before I fully dropped it.
• Provide your baby with other entertainment. It's easiest to drop the mid-day sessions first, because typically you can distract your baby during that time - a fun activity, a special food, or even just a bottle of regular milk or formula. Just keep things moving and don't give them any indication that nursing is nearby - that is, keep your shirts on ladies.
  
• Feel free to keep nursing just one or two sessions for a while. If it's easy to nurse your child to sleep or you like the comfort of early morning nursing...do it. You can easily do those two sessions for months and wait until your child loses interest. When you're ready to drop these particularly snuggly sessions, be sure to be extra patient and provide lots of extra soothing. Even if your child is taking a sippy cup during the day, you may want to provide a bedtime bottle for a few extra weeks just to make the weaning process easier. I was able to transition without the use of a bottle...two days in a row we had late dinners out (shocking, I know) and my son fell asleep for the night on the way home. After that, we just gave him a sippy of milk at dinner and called it a day.
  
• Cabbage leaves and ice work. So do tight bras. Cabbage leaves in the freezer are even better. When you get to the point that you're ready to drop the final session, go as long as you can. When you feel really uncomfortable try to hand express some milk in the shower or pump for just a minute or two to relieve pressure. You may need to do this occasionally over the next few days to fully finish the process.
• Enjoy your energy. I felt a HUGE surge of energy in the days after I fully weaned. And I never gained any weight. I think if you take the process slow, your body adjust. I'm convinced that when I nurse, I store fat for the winter...at least that is what I tell myself.
  

Here is a sample schedule:

Week 1: Nurse/pump 6x a day
Week 2: Drop one day session cold turkey to get down to 5x a day.
Week 3: Drop one day session cold turkey to get down to 4x a day.
Week 4: Drop one day session cold turkey to get down to 3x a day.
Week 5: Shorten mid-day session by two minutes each day. At the end of the week you should be only nursing/pumping 2x a day.
Week 6: Continue nursing/pumping 2x a day. Begin using cabbage leaves and ice.
Week 7: Shorten one session by two minutes each day. At the end of the week you should be only nursing/pumping 1x a day. Continue with cabbage leaves.
Week 8: Continue nursing/pumping 1x a day.
Week 9: Shorten last session by a few minutes each day.
Week 10 and on: Pump ONLY when you feel uncomfortable.
When you're done: Celebrate. With a BIG drink. Burn nursing bras, pumps, etc. Cry at state of your boobs, but celebrate the fact that at least they are yours again.

More information here: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/

Dump the Pump

Since December, I had an intensely personal and intimate relationship with my Medela Pump in Style double electric breast pump. After fourteen weeks of maternity leave, I returned to my job as an elementary special education teacher. Before returning to work, I promised myself and promised my baby I would try to breastfeed as long as possible. I hoped to nurse Baby C for a year. In order to make good on my promise, I had to pump at work. Every day, I lugged my Medela backpack to school, along with my teacher bag, lunch, and the ever essential travel mug of coffee.

Before I returned from maternity leave, my co-worker and fellow new mama arranged a private, secure place for us to pump during the school day. Our pumping space was not glamorous. We used a forgotten closet that housed a kiln and discarded, dust covered art supplies dating back to the mid-1980's. The floor was covered with dead spiders, dirt, and dust bunnies, but we had a make-shift table (the kiln), a plug, a cracked plastic chair, and a window overlooking the constructon site of our new school. Despite our closet's lack of aesthetic appeal and questionable cleanliness, it offered privacy and security. Access to the closet ensured I could pump each day and spend uninterrupted time focusing upon my baby, or staring out the window hoping the construction workers could not see my breasts.

Each school day, I mysteriously disappeared from my classroom for about fifteen minutes around 10:00. Sometimes I left students unattended, free to draw all over the tables, sniff glue, and search inappropriate websites. Sometimes the students asked, "What do you do on your break?" to which I replied, "I make pottery." I was in the kiln closet, after all. Some days I had to excuse myself mid-meeting for fear that my breasts would explode. I often had to humbly ask the male custodians to unlock my closet, or remove a stack of newly painted canvases from my cracked chair. Despite such embarrassing moments, I pumped twice a day, almost every day. I made good on my promise.

I know that I am lucky. As an elementary school teacher, I work almost exclusively with women, most of whom are mothers and had their own relationships with a breast pump. I have a boss who understands family comes first. Many of my working mama friends are not so lucky. One friend pumped in her office's only bathroom, much to the frustration of impatient co-workers waiting outside. Another friend pumped in her car, even during the winter. A third friend did not have time during her busy day to pump. All eventually gave up breastfeeding before they were ready.

Yesterday was my last day of school, my last visit to my pumping closet. As I closed the door for the last time, I bid goodbye to the dead spiders on the floor and thanked them for allowing me into their space. Last night, I stored my Medela in a closet and thanked her for the memories. I will not miss the daily cleaning of bottles and three thousand pump pieces. I will not miss the stress of making enough milk for baby. I will not miss my dirty closest. Sure, Medela and I will probably have an occasional fling here and there until I wean Baby C in August, but for the most part we are over. I am grateful Medela allowed me to exclusively breastfeed even while working full-time, but I am ready to move on. It is time dump the pump, at least until Baby Number Two comes along.

On Strike

The strike began on Sunday. I left Baby C with Daddy for the afternoon while I sipped mimosas and ate chocolate cake at a friend's bridal shower. As I watched my friend open new wine glasses and flatware, I received a text from my husband, "Baby's a little grouchy. Drank an ounce of the bottle, then refused the rest. I will try again later." No big deal, I thought, as I ordered my second mimosa. About an hour and a half later, I headed home and called my husband en route. Baby C still refused her bottle, which meant no breast milk since 6:30 a.m. It was now almost 3:00. Fearing impending starvation, I pushed down a little bit harder on my accelerator. When I returned home, Baby immediately burst into tears. Before I removed my coat or set down my bag, I nursed Baby C on the couch. After eating, she seemed happy and the rest of our Sunday passed without incident.

Monday brought the dreaded beginning of my work week and Baby C to Nana's house for the day. After a busy Monday morning, I all but forgot about our bottle troubles from the day before. Around noontime, I received another text from my husband, who checked in on Baby during lunch, "Still not taking the bottle, but she ate breakfast and lunch." Two days in a row of bottle rejection is atypical for my little milk guzzler. Every once in a while, Baby refuses a bottle but usually relents later in the day. Again, this meant no milk since the early morning. When I picked up Baby C later that afternoon, she burst into tears once again. As I struggled to get out the door and run home to nurse, my mother-in-law kindly mentioned, "She was happy all day until you came." Just what a worried mama needs to hear.

Tuesday brought more of the same: bottle rejection, shorter naps, grouchiness, tears upon pick up, and sprinting home to nurse Baby. When things go amiss with Baby, I typically do two things, neither of which are helpful or productive. First, I over analyze the situation and propose several made-up hypotheses, none of which come close to identifying the problem's root cause. Maybe Baby has an upset tummy. Or, maybe she is eating too much food during mealtime. Or, could it be that the milk flows too slowly from her bottles? Wait, maybe she is teething. Baby cannot tell me why she is unsettled, therefore I make up reason upon reason until something seems sensible. If hypotheses do not work, I turn to self-blame. If Baby is not happy, obviously, I have done something wrong. Maybe I ate something spicy that spoiled my breast milk. Maybe I've had too many Halls cough drops and they are affecting my milk. As I went to bed on Tuesday night, I feared an endless bottle strike which would lead me to resign from my job, stay home, and nurse Baby.

Wednesday arrived and Baby went to day care where she finally drank two bottles during the day, thereby ending her bottle strike.

While I still do not know the reason for the strike, I am thankful Baby finally gave up the fight.

Breastfeeding Diaries: To Pump, or Formula feed - that is the question! (UPDATED)

8 weeks ago I shared with you all my breastfeeding story, and told you I would check back in with you in two months for an update...The long and the short of it? It never worked.

For 5 weeks we followed the directions of the lactation consultants, but Marlo and I just never clicked, which in turn got me frustrated and led me to the decision to give up trying and strictly pump milk and bottle feed. I will be the first to admit that I didn't give it 100 percent effort. Since I had to use a nipple shield to get her to latch at all it took me too long to get the shield in place, and try over and over to get a good latch. She would get frustrated that she wasn't fed quickly enough and paw at the shield until it came off. Even if I had her little arms pinned down she would put the shield in her mouth and pull it off. So I began trying less and less frequently until I threw in the towel.

I continue to pump 6-7 times a day, so she is still getting breast milk, but mama is starting to feel like a cow. I call it "going to work" when I pump, because right now my job is to feed this little baby. With all this pumping has come 3 yeast infections (thrush) which thankfully I haven't passed to her as she isn't officially breastfeeding. The APNO I originally claimed to be a lifesaver stopped working for me, and I was put on Nystasin, which is also a topical ointment, but one typically given to the infant with thrush. It seems to clear up in the redness and burning, but I am sure it is just a matter of time before it comes back. And on top of that I now am getting these tiny blisters on my left nipple - righty has been in the clear thus far. Apparently it is skin that is growing over the milk ducts and clogging them. I discovered them after lefty produced about half of what righty did one night. I now have the lovely task of popping them by forcefully squeezing my boob between my hands...I do get some sick satisfaction out of it - like popping a zit.

I am also getting severe pain in my boobs when my milk comes back in after pumping. I was told by my doctor and lactation consultant that this is because I produce such a large quantity of milk (I actually pumped 6 ounces out of each boob the other night). Good times.

Lately though, everyone keeps asking me how long I plan to pump and bottle feed Marlo, which has gotten me thinking about what my options are. Really there is only one - start her on formula. For some reason, with that choice comes a whole slew of guilt. Why should I sacrifice my babies well being for my selfish reasons? I have had to cut broccoli and citrus out of my diet because it was making her uncomfortable when I gave her my milk after eating it myself...is that such a big loss? What are a few hours a day of being uncomfortable if I am doing what is best for my baby?

But then I get selfish and think about the freedom that comes with giving her formula. No more changing tops and bras due to leaky boobs, no more nipple pain, no more of being a slave to the pump and having to wake up in the middle of the night to get relief. I wouldn't have to worry about drinking too much wine or what I was eating...sounds glorious!

But then I think about the cost of formula, and how we have saved so much money the past 8 weeks by feeding her breast milk. Her spit up doesn't smell, and neither do her diapers - and that would all go to shit (ha). And the 5 additional Weight Watchers points for breastfeeding are an added bonus...BLERG!!

How does one make this decision? How did you make the decision as to when to switch your baby to formula? Was anyone else pumping and bottle feeding? I would love to hear your stories/comments below...I need help Mamas!!!

I was given this link to a great article about weaning from pumping, and wanted to share: http://www.exclusivelypumping.com/2010/01/02/weaning-from-the-pump/