Friday, December 21, 2012

A Thank You Letter to My Boobs

Dear Girls,
Happy Holidays! It's your owner here...the one that you dangle so precariously from.

We go way back, the three of us. I remember when you first arrived, later than all the other girls' boobs. I was so excited to support you in my little "bra" - which was more tank top/sports bra than a real bra. I didn't care, I was just happy you start poking your little heads out of my chest.

You never really had time to shine, as you stayed around a B cup for most of my life, which at 5' 9" with my "athletic" (that is what it could have been called back in the day when I worked out - now I will just call it "svelte" or fat - no quotes needed there as I am just fat these days.) It wasn't until I started taking all those medications to try and get myself pregnant that you really had your day in the sun...soon going from a B to a D, making my husband a very happy camper.

At D you stayed, and so did all that extra "baby weight" which helped your situation, through to this last pregnancy. But then you thought "why stay at D, when we could go all the way to E! And if she keeps eating the way she is while pregnant why don't we just keep on growing!!"

So you got the best of me, and I bought my 36E bras to wear while pregnant...and there you have remained when Val came into the world.

When you were put to the task of breastfeeding Val you both put up and shut up and performed beautifully - producing milk enough for a small village, never allowing the nips to get sore or cracked. We were a dream team the three of us.

But sadly our breastfeeding adventure has come to an end. You have probably wondered where that sweet little baby face that munched on your all day long has gone. "I thought we were doing our job?" Well, boobs, you were, but Mama here needed to change, for her own sanity, and Val seems to be taking to that powdery goodness we call formula. I know, it will never be as delicious as your milky goodness, but if you want us all to survive this next year, you will support me in this decision.

I thank you for fulfilling your purpose in life over the past 4 months. Val thanks you as well.

And now I ask to throw me a bone and don't head too far south for the remainder of my life. I know you will be sad and droopy because your job is done, but perk up (pun intended)! Things aren't that bad - I promise to lose some weight this next year and get you girls back in shape just in time to show you off during the warm summer months.

Work with me girls...otherwise there might have to be a third party coming at you with a knife to put you in your rightful place.

Happy Holidays,
The body you are attached to

PS. Lefty - please tell righty to throw in the towel, as you have kindly done already. I look like a bad boob job gone wrong!! Lopsided is not a good look for any of us involved.


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