A Tale of Two Sisters: A Blossoming Love

(No, this is not the synopsis for a Lifetime Movie about two sisters, separated at birth and raised on opposite sides of the "tracks" who are reunited after 30 years when one sisters child needs a bone marrow transplant and she can't give it to her child because she has some rare disease so her FBI husband discovers she has an identical twin living down the road...blah blah blah)

I've talked about M's distant love for Val before on the blog...when Val was born (almost 8 months ago) M wanted nothing to do with her. I am talking she would not even enter the same room. Slowly she learned to live with sweet Val gal, as she realized Val was here to stay. M would touch her hand and giggle or give her a kiss on the head and run away. We finally got them to take a photo together, although the first time M gave us about 5 seconds before she pushed Val away. Now I can actually get them to sit next to each other for a few minutes, and it warms my heart that M is growing to love her little sister.

Holding hands in their "warm-up suits" as my dad calls them

Whenever we go out as a group M will say to people, "that's Val. She's my sister. She loves me." Followed by something like "she's so little and cute" or "Val's so silly."

Val thinks M is the most amazing thing on earth. She could sit for hours and just watch M do what she does: run around the house while yelping, doing a silly dance, you name it, it is pure entertainment for Val. Whenever they are within arms reach of each other Val immediately reaches out for M's tight boingy curls and gets her hand all stuck in there and laughs. Or she just reaches out to touch M's face...this M is still not a big fan of.

When Val happens to reach out for M's hand, M will always linger a little bit before pulling away. She will say something like "Aw, Val loves me. She wants to hold my hand," and it just melts my heart to see the two of them showing that sort of affection for each other.

But today M took it to a whole other level, one that brought tears to my eyes.

As we were descending the stairs, fully dressed and ready for school, M somehow took a major tumble and hit her face on two stairs before landing on her back on the landing. I was walking behind her carrying Val, and immediately ran to her side. My first instinct was to scoop her up in my free arm, so I did and sat on the stairs with an obviously shaken little 3 year old in one arm and a drooling babe in my other. In true Val fashion, she reached out her little porky hand toward Marlo's hand and in wanting to avoid an accidental hair pull to add to the commotion I pulled her away. And then M did the funniest thing...

Through her tears she said to me "I want to hold Val's hand Mom! I want to hold Val's hand!" and she reached out her shaking hand and grabbed Val's hand in hers. I couldn't believe my eyes or ears as we sat there for what seemed like eternity (was probably 30 seconds in reality) and I watched my oldest find comfort in her baby sister's tiny little hand.

An hour later we were at the docs, M was examined and they found nothing major other than some scrapes and bruising by her eye. After a donut (for her) and some bacon (for me :) from Whole Foods she is back to her normal self and resting at home.

So while it was a hectic morning, there was definitely a moment in there that I will treasure forever.

Damn, Kids Are Resilient!

This past Sunday started out like every other Sunday in Mama J's household. Dada J was out walking the pooch, Mama J was getting M presentable for our weekend brunch reservations, and then starting to get herself presentable for the public eye. (Switch to first person...!)

After I showered and donned my finest white terrycloth robe (that I think has been washed twice in the last 10 years) I had decided that M had watched enough TV already for one morning so we needed to go downstairs and play, and I would finish getting ready when Papa J was home. As soon as we stepped off the stairs she took off running, which is what she always does these days - running around the first floor like it is a race track. I let her go, as she obviously had some energy to burn, and sat at my computer to check email.

Well 1 minute later I see her face plant on the hardwood floor out of the corner of my eye. I immediately knew she had done some damage, as she was running as fast as she could, didn't put her hands out to break her fall, and the noise of the fall made my spine tingle. I ran to her immediately, and all hell broke loose.

She had broken her fall with her nose and mouth - and there was blood everywhere. There was a puddle under her face already when I picked her up screaming. I immediately brought her to the kitchen island and grabbed the nearest dish towel to try and stop the bleeding. It was coming from her nose and from her mouth as far as I could tell, so the first thing I did was check to see if all her teeth were still there - check!

A fall from Grace

Last week, my daughter S fell off the bed. She is 16 months old and is generally very adept at getting on and off the bed. My husband and I left her unattended for just a moment and she tripped (we think) and fell. And she was knocked unconscious.

It was the scariest thing I've ever experienced in my life. My husband ran down the hallway with her limp body in his arms (she was out for about 15 seconds) screaming her name. I was in the bathroom with the door shut (a rare occurrence). I wasn't sure what was happening - it sounded like he was chasing her down the hallway or playing. When I opened the door he was standing there with her in his arms. She was not moving or responding.

We ran down the stairs to our neighbor and friend, a NICU nurse, who came charging out of the shower. We thrust our daughter into her arms, willing her to wake up. She came to, but was definitely groggy and rattled.

After a frantic call to the pediatrician, we got in the car to go to Children's Hospital. I sat in the back with her intent on keeping her awake. We made it there, and after many hours, we were able to get a successful and clear CT scan that declared S was fine.

Throughout the day, I was racked with emotions - guilt, pain, love, frustration, anger. How could this have happened? Why did it happened? What if something is permanently wrong? It's not fair, we're good parents. We love our daughter.

One of our doctors (who was also a mother) took me aside and told me to hang in there and not beat myself up. It was an accident and with children, they happen. We can do everything in our power to try to stop them, but we can't. We just need to be careful, do our best and have faith in them.

I'm writing this publicly because while I never, ever want my daughter (or anyone's child) to go through this type of physical (and emotional) pain, I'm sure we will again. She has an amazingly fearless streak in her (one doctor described her as having "verve") so I know there will be other times.
But this accident is exactly that - an accident. We need to be careful and not put her in danger, but we are not bad parents. We maybe had an overconfidence as to her abilities, but that doesn't make us bad. And as parents (and even more specifically, mothers) we have to stop beating ourselves up for not being "perfect."

Here's to health and happiness.