The Dreaded Dropoff and Touchpoints

At the request of one of the lovely moms on this board, I was going to come on and write a note about getting ready for preschool drop-offs.  In an attempt to look somewhat intelligent and to ensure that I didn't go against "expert" advice, I googled the subject.  And now I don't need to write a post!  I found this article by Joshua Sparrow M.D., one of the authors of Touchpoints.  So now, this post will have two purposes.

1) Hear Me Gush About Touchpoints.  Buy this book.  I find that if your child is nearing 3, buy the version for older kids and for younger kids.  If you have questions about ANYTHING, you will find it in this book - adjusting to a new sibling, potty training, hitting, biting, school.  It has been around forever and really is the gold standard.  You can read the book and the article above and you will be far better off than listening to me about preschool...

2) Hear Me Talk About Preschool Anyway.  Even if your kid has been in daycare, preschool dropoffs will be hard.  Talk about it in advance, but not so much to scare them.  Casually mention it and make sure to let them know you'll return and how much fun they'll have.  I fully agree with Sparrow when he mentions pre pre-school playgroups with other kids in the class.  However, regardless of what you do, there will be tears.  There could be tears for weeks or even months.  But it will be okay - for both you and your child.  Walk them in the door, make sure they're situated with a friend or a teacher or a toy, reassure them you'll be back, and then leave.  Don't linger.  If you need to for your own sanity, linger outside the door where they can't see.  Expect some crying.  And maybe lots of crying on the first few days, but they'll get the hang of it.  Better now than kindergarten.  Now, go home and go to the bathroom by yourself.  Put your feet up.  See, I told you it would be okay!

When She Grows Up

I was just constructing a very very long comment in response to Mama R's latest post below, and I figured I would just turn it into an actual post because I have LOTS to say on this issue. I too have been thinking about when M grows up to be a young woman...

Recently I went to a family reunion for my husbands side of the family. In the 11 years I have been going to these events I have watched all his sibling's and cousin's kids grow up into teenagers, and young adults...some whose diapers I once changed! (Didn't you hate when people used to say that to you? I make it a point to say it to my favorite little boy at these events who is now 8 and he thinks it is so gross, which means hysterical to me :). Now, I am not used to being around teenagers by any means, and I was around A LOT of teenagers over these 2 days. Let me first say that we are blessed to have wonderfully polite and kind kids in our family, all of whom get along with each other swimmingly, and I find, as an adult, are very easy to talk to (which I don't feel like was the case for me when I was their age!). But to get to my point - holy hell what in the name of JC are teenage girls wearing these days!!

Like Mama R mentioned below, it seems to be the trend to wear VERY VERY short shorts, no matter what your body type. And not only are shorts short, but shirts are tight, and boobs are hanging out! The 13 year olds look like they are 18, and the 18 year olds? That is another story - I have one niece that dresses like she has been working it on the street corner. I remember when I was 14 it was trendy to wear big plaid button down shirts with very pleated baggy shorts! We did roll them up a bit, but I am talking like mid-thigh at the highest...these days the girls are practically showing some ass cheek. I am hoping that, like with most trends, my early 90s fashion of baggy menswear will be in full affect come M's teenage years. I highly doubt that though. I envision my daughter trying to leave the house just her underwear. God help me (and more so my husband).

Thinking about my fashion sense as a teenager got me thinking about other things I used to do...mostly concerning boys. While my friends in the in-crowd had boyfriends starting in practically nursery school, I didn't date at all (sure a kiss here and there) until I was a junior in high school. Let's just call my first boyfriend "Jim", and make a long story short by saying he was a terribly abusive (mostly verbally) and controlling person who was very popular amongst my school friends. He paid attention to me like no boy ever had in my life, and therefore I was smitten. I didn't care if he didn't want me to hang out with my friends (biggest mistake of my life), or lie to my parents (makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it). He made me feel special sometimes and I was someone's girlfriend, someone popular with a nice car who was older and cooler. I stupidly dated him for almost 4 years - into my junior year of college, which was 1000s of miles away from where he lived - and he still controlled me by threatening me over the phone if I was to go out to a club with my friends. My parents hated him, and I hated him, but he had some magic hold over me that I can't explain. Finally I gathered up the strength to break it off with him before my 20th birthday, which I still feel like is when my life truly began again. If you met me now, and knew me then, you would not even have known I was the same person. In some ways I am glad this whole situation happened to me, because I wouldn't have the friends I have, or took the job I took after college, where I met the perfect man (BTW he couldn't be more opposite in looks, behavior, intellegence, heart...you name it!), who I have made the perfect life with...yada yada yada. Everything happens for a reason...

I share this with you because thinking about M being older and this happening to her brings me to tears. Will she have the same self esteem issues that I did? Sure I was part of the "popular" group in high school, and had lots of friends, but I was never one that the boys looked at twice. I was always taller and more athletic (looking back at photos of myself I cannot even fathom why I thought my size 10 perfect body was fat!!). I didn't have the boobs the other girls had, or the skinny legs and flat stomach. And when this wolf in sheep's clothing came into my life and cast his spell on me I didn't know any better! Will she really listen to me when I tell her my stories about Jim? Will she understand that she should never let anyone treat her the way that Jim treated me? My parents tried countless times to get me to understand but I wouldn't listen...will M? I just hope and pray (and I don't pray) to never be in that situation with her. Ever.

The fact that M will be anything other than a toddler in the future scares the crap out of me. I finally have this parenting a toddler thing down, and now she is turning into a little kid. I know I will figure this next stage out just like I did before, but what happens when she is older and thinking for herself, and wanting freedom and talking back! Who am I kidding, that is already happening...