Shaken not Stirred

I had posted a few months ago about my lack of a sex life after baby came. And I have to admit that the act of writing that post, and reading people's comments, was like an awakening for me. I figured I should stop thinking about it so much, and stop telling everyone else about it, and start talking to my husband and do something about it. And so a re-birth of our sex life occurred.

Now we are still lucky if we do it once or twice a week, but those few times we have vowed to make special in some sort of way. No more of the rolling over and looking at each other with the "do you want to do it?" face, and my "fine, let's just get it over with" response. We have agreed to spice things up each time we do it...I won't get into too much details (as some things are NSFW - teehee), but I can tell you some of my favorite things that have made it all the more exciting.

- Never the same position twice in a row. We were getting into a habit of being extra lazy and doing the same thing each time. Now it is a rule that we can't! Not that we are doing something different each time, and no Kama Sutra manuals have been purchased, but we have a few about 5-6 that we rotate to keep things interesting.

- Different times of day. My husband likes morning sex, I like to wake up when I wake up. Because of this we have been opting for a little Afternoon Delight on the weekends, or right when he gets home from work (see more on this later).

- Toys. I won't elaborate, just find something you are both comfortable introducing into the bedroom and experiment!

- Fantasies - we told each other some of our fantasies (now we have been together for 12 years and are just now telling each other some of these secret things) and it has really made things exciting. Just the fact that we have opened up is a whole new ballgame.

- Cocktail Time - So I have to tell you about this one time a few weeks ago. My husband works very late, and had worked almost a 100 hour work week. Friday night, baby is asleep, the house is clean, the dog is fed, and Hubby gives me the call from work saying he is on his way out. I have 45 minutes to prepare something special...and I don't mean dinner. I decide to put on one of his work shirts with some sexy underwear (which means boyshort panties as they are his favorite), with some fabulously high, spiky heels. In the kitchen I fix a batch of dirty martinis, and pour one for myself, but leave his in the shaker on ice, with an empty glass next to it. I write on a note card next to the empty glass, Shake, Pour & Bring Up to the Bedroom....He comes upstairs to find me (with glasses on) relaxing on the bed in my get-up...and we had the best Friday night we have had in a long time.

I feel silly sharing this in some ways, but I want all of you Mamas out there to know you can easily spice things up and get back in the groove. And your husband will thank you if you do!!

No Sex in the Champagne Room...or any room for that matter.

Mama J asked me to write a post because she knows I am not afraid to talk about certain subjects...like sex. My life is an open book, and I would like to share with you an exert from the latest chapter I call "My Sex Drive is in Park."

When my husband and I first met, we did it like rabbits as all young lovers do. We didn't live together and only saw each other a few times a weeks, so naturally we did it ever time we saw each other...at least once. I would make mixed cds of sexy songs so that my roommates couldn't hear the goings on in my thin walled bedroom, we would light candles, drink wine, just like you see in the movies or on tv. When we were together we couldn't keep our hands off each other. This continued through the first couple years of our marriage, until we were trying to get pregnant.

As all people who go through fertility issues know, having sex gets old when you are doing it on a schedule. It took us about a year to get pregnant. A year filled with temperature taking, peeing on ovulation predictor sticks and doing it as often as we could during 4-5 days of the month. And that was about it.

Once I did get pregnant we had it every 2 weeks or so until it became uncomfortable for me. I definitely wasn't one of those people who loved having pregnant sex. I was fat, gassy and my hemorrhoids were in full effect - sex was the furthest thing on my mind. But I took one for the team and gladly made my husband happy.

Then the baby came - and with her those blessed six weeks on lockdown. My husband counted the days until he was back in the game, and on the day of getting the green light, we happily made love. And maybe once more that month, if he was lucky.

It has been 10 months since the birth of our daughter and we are on the once a week schedule, again if he is lucky. Now don't get me wrong, I am very attracted to my husband. He is a very good looking man, at least to me, and I find him sexy. But that doesn't mean I want to have sex with him all the time like we used to. What I look forward to doing at night is a crossword puzzle, not my husband. And for that I feel terrible.

I love this man so much. He is my other half, my better half. Without him I don't know if I could survive, so why don't I want to jump his bones? And it doesn't have anything to do with him, it is all sexual things that are far from my mind. I used to enjoy a little "me time" every once and a while, and now I have no motivation for that either. What gives??

I know that with child comes less sex for most people. Hell, with marriage comes less sex for most people. So now I guess with child comes exponentially less sex. What about with the next child? Will we never do it? Sex was always a big part of our relationship - we used to be adventurous and try all sorts of things you would only read about, and be all sweaty and sexified after an hour (or two) of fun. Now, I would rather lie on the bottom and let him do all the work on top. But the times I do suffer through the beginnings and finally get into things, I enjoy it like I used to. But why can't I be into it from the get go? Why can't I initiate it?

I guess I could do all those things, but my brain and body aren't into it. My heart definitely is, as I love my man and want to please him. But I want to want to do it. At the end of a long day of playing with my little one and taking care of our household, I seriously just want sleep. A nice long night of sleep. Don't touch me, don't wake me. Just let me sleep. Is that normal?

For the last month or two we have been scheduling date nights, which seems to work, so things look like they are possibly headed in the right direction. I know we will never be back to our Bugs Bunny state of bliss, but I feel like I need a sexual slap in the face. I want to want to get into that sexy lingerie and get my man excited. I want to want jump on top of him in the middle of the night and surprise him with a little lovin' like I used to. But that would mean less sleep.

Does anyone else feel like this?

And PS. that is exactly what my after-baby butt looks like :)