What I Will And Won't Miss About Being Pregnant

As I near the end of this second pregnancy I continue to ride emotional roller coaster that is being pregnant. These last couple weeks with a bun in the oven are going to be incredibly bittersweet, full of tears and happiness and ends of eras and new beginnings. My husband and I have agreed from day one that we would only have two children, so these are the last few weeks of my life that I will ever be pregnant. It is a strange thing to say out loud - I will never be pregnant again (we will be taking measures to make sure it doesn't happen so no "you never know!" comments please :). It has made me think back a lot about this pregnancy and the things I will miss about being with child, and the things that I look forward to once the baby has come into this world. So here is my list for your enjoyment...

The things I will miss about being pregnant:

- The maternity clothes. Who doesn't love an elastic waistband and not having to suck it in in anything that you wear?
- The attention from other people. Having a baby bump is an automatic invitation for people to talk to you, and more importantly be nice to you! Doors are held, smiles are given, seats are given up (if you are lucky to be surrounded by people with common decency)...it is like you are even more important because you are gestating a human being, and damn that feels good. Once you pop that baby out though, all attention immediately switches to the child (understandably of course).
- Eating whatever I want. I know, I know, you shouldn't pig out just because your are pregnant, but I have, and I have loved every second of it. Soon gone will be the days of picking up a cupcake when shopping at Whole Foods, or having an ice cream sundae after dinner, so I am enjoying it while I can!
- Spoiling myself. I have been getting a lot more pedicures than I usually do because "my feet need a massage" and even have indulged in a few spa treatments because "I need to relax." Of course I can use those excuses once baby comes, but when will I have the time?
- Being able to park in the "expectant mother" parking at the grocery store or Babies R Us. I will say it again - why isn't there Mother with Small Children parking??? You need it more then!
- Feeling the baby move around inside me. This has always kind of creeped me out, but in a really cool way. This child has been moving around like a crazy person the last few months, and now I am even able to feel little feet when she stretches out, which, come on, is a little gross, but totally awesome! She is now the same size as M was when she was delivered (well, same age) so I have a good sense as to what she looks like sizewise, and it is just so cool to me to see her move around and fight for space with all that food I have been eating.
- Just the three of us. I am not going to lie, I am very sad that it won't be just M, my husband and I anymore. Not that I am not excited to have a new family member in our lives, but it has been just the three of us for 2.8 years now, and she has had us all to ourselves. I will miss all the alone time we get to spend together now, but of course look forward to her growing up with a little sister. I just fear her reaction once she realizes that "baby sister in Mommy's belly" is actually a living breathing human being!

The things I will NOT miss about being pregnant:

- Feeling like I was seasick on a boat for the first 4 months of the pregnancy
- My weekly progesterone injections (to stave off early labor like last time)
- The hemorrhoids, back acne, eczema, dandruff, constipation, terrible heartburn and other interesting health things
- The frequent sinus infections
- Crazy swollen, itchy hands that then get covered in hives when I scratch (this is an anomaly to my doctor!) after going from inside to humid outside
- The extra weight that I have gained making my back so bad I could hardly move (has since gotten better after rest, stretching and icing - thank you!)
- My ginormous boobs and darkening nipples - hot I know.
- The excess of hair all over my body
- Not being able to "lady-scape" without fear of cutting myself because I can't see past my belly
- Having to wear orthopedic flip flops because my feet are swollen and my back hurts so badly.
- Peeing 4-5 times a night, and not being able to sleep on my back
- Having to arrange my pregnancy pillow and two other pillows every time I roll over in bed.
- Not being able to take anything stronger than Tylenol for pain and colds

It is amazing how much different this last pregnancy has been than my first. I don't remember much about the first pregnancy but I do remember basking in the glow of being pregnant the entire time, and not having any of the above symptoms to spoil my experience. Makes me think that this baby might be the polar opposite of M in life too...hopefully she doesn't pick her nose as much as M has been lately!

High Anxiety and Crazy Pregnant Dreams

I have always had whackadoodle dreams. They are always very vivid, and of course feel very real at the time, and I remember them for a long time after I have woken up. Even now, at 33, I remember dreams that I had when I was little - the one that sticks out the most is my brother and I hiding in the bushes in front of our house watching this foreign army come and set up camp outside our property walls, and us throwing rocks at them telling them to get away. The funny thing about a large portion of my dreams is that I can pretty much interpret the meaning of them the next morning.

For instance the one from when I was little is pretty much a reflection of what my brother and I used to do as children in our front yard. My father was a famous athlete at the time, and people used to drive by our house and stop at the gate and take photos of our house, or park out front and just stare in at our house while my brother and I were on our big wheels. We would then proceed to ride past the gate giving dirty looks or yelling things like "leave us alone!" - hence us throwing rocks at the invading army.

Of course there are others that are just insane that don't mean a damn thing, and then there are some that I swear actually come true. I remember unpacking at our current house and looking up at my daughter and husband on the catwalk and remember that I had dreamed this exact scenario, in this exact house. It was the strongest sense of deja vu, but I knew that it had actually come to me in a dream a few years back. Call me crazy, but I swear it happened.

Then there are the ones staring my dear sweet husband. While pretty close to perfect in real life, he is the biggest douche nozzle in the history of douchiness in my dreams. More times than not I will wake up and tell him that he cheated on me in my dreams, or divorced me, or had another family living in another state (or like the other night he introduced me to the Asian hooker that he frequents)...dream hubby is a real a-hole, while real life hubby is pretty much Prince Charming. He thinks that I am crazy for having all these dreams about him being such a jerk, but I have recently confirmed with friends who have awesome husbands that they too have the same reoccurring dreams. Of course, unlike one of my good friends I do not remain angry at my husband after I wake up...ha!

But no dreams are more crazy and vivid than the ones that I have during pregnancy, and I think a lot of that has to do with the anxiety I am feeling during this pregnancy. As I have mentioned in previous posts my first pregnancy had a lot of complications so I was monitored a lot during the actual pregnancy. This time around it is the opposite, and while there are a couple things we are watching with the baby and myself (placenta previa), there isn't anything as drastic as last time (very low amniotic fluid, Papp-A, high risk for downs, etc.). So this means that since I am going about as a normal pregnant woman would, with doc appointments every month and just a handful of ultrasounds (as opposed to the 15-odd I had the first time,) that my mind is totally racing with crazy thoughts...which then turn into crazy dreams.

Every twinge of uncomfortableness I get I automatically think something is wrong. What was that pain in my side? Is my bra is too tight, or maybe I am having blood flow problems and there is something wrong with the baby? Did I just pee in my pants? Or is that crotch sweat? Or amniotic fluid? I haven't felt the baby move in a couple hours, something must be wrong! I also stop and look at M, who is almost 2.5 years old and a pretty awesome kid if I do say so myself, and think about what people have told me about it being impossible to have two awesome kids, so then I get all worked up about the hellion that is growing in my womb. What do I have in store for me with this kid?

Then there is the regular every day anxiety that seems to be heightened by being pregnant. When I walk the dog with M in the stroller I am always afraid we are going to be hit by a car, or fall down a hill, or someone is going to try and take the stroller out of my hands - so I am basically holding on to the BOB with a death grip for the entire hour. When we are out and about I hold M's hand at all times, and she is never outside of a foot from me if we are around strangers, because every person that looks my way I think is going to take her from me. Oh and forget about it when we are driving - every worst case scenario runs through my head the entire time I am behind the wheel...I am going to lose control and crash into a tree...the guy behind me is so close he is going to ram us...we are going to run out of gas and then be abducted on the side of the road...you name it, I have thought about it.

But I know I am not alone in thinking these things, as one of my best friends and I had a discussion about this a few months back. She had been taking one of the anxiety meds before she got pregnant and had been off it since the birth of her last child, but had been thinking about it going back on it lately because she has all these crazy thoughts. And I looked at her and said I HAVE THEM TOO! but I have never thought about going on meds, because I feel like most mothers have them. Do you readers have these thoughts as well? I have them normally every day, but being pregnant makes them happen much more frequently and they are much more extreme now.

And the dreams...holy crap the dreams the last two nights. Al Pacino was my mobster father (he was dressed as his character in Dick Tracy) and he was having his thugs do all sorts of terrible things to me, and I couldn't dial the phone to get in touch with my husband, who I then found out didn't exist and I was locked in a basement somewhere. Then last night I dreamed my mother was also pregnant, and she laid a giant egg (I am dying laughing while I write this) and gave it to me to take care of, but I dropped it, and inside was a baby girl who couldn't open her eyes - explain that one! Many times I have dreamed about losing the baby, or not being pregnant at all, which leads me to tears in my dreams, therefore tears in real life, and that sweet relief that comes with waking up and realizing it was all a dream. My dreams have become so exhausting that even when I get 8 hours of sleep I wake up feeling so tired and drained.

Did anyone else experience these crazy dreams when they were pregnant? Not ones staring gangster Al Pacino, but crazy ones of your own? And was your anxiety heightened?

Bus Ride from Hell

Yesterday I spent a lovely 3 hours at my hair salon getting my hair cut and colored. I read my book, played on the iPad, had adult conversations, and truly got pampered by my amazing hair stylists (makes me sound like I have a glam squad, but seriously my hair dresser and colorist are the best in the biz.) I left the salon relaxed and refreshed, and with a sassy new very short do.

In order to get back out to my home, which is approximately 8 miles away from Boston, I have to get on the Orange Line and take it to the end, and then hop on a bus for about 25 minutes. It is the commute that my husband does twice a day, every day, to get into work, and after yesterday's experience I told him I would drive him to and from the train every day if he wanted me to.

To give you a little background, we live in a town that is technically Boston, but I think we are seriously the house furthest away from the city, that is still considered Boston. Literally the house behind us is considered the suburbs, so I really consider us to be in the 'burbs. To get to our neighborhood you have to go through some of Boston's not so nice neighborhoods - not the worst neighborhoods, but not the best (we have to pass by projects, etc.), so there is an interesting mix of people that ride this specific bus that I had to take.

As you know on the weekends the MBTA buses run few and far between, so after a pleasant train ride I waited outside for approximately 15 minutes for any bus to show up (and this is at one of the major bus hubs for the city.) There were definitely enough people waiting to fill this bus, so I stuck out my already large pregnant belly and inched my way towards the bus door. Well let me tell you this - people are A-Holes. There was shoving and cutting and all sorts of rude behavior just to get on this bus. Watch the woman carrying a human being in her belly will you?? No, you won't. Anyhoo - I get on the bus, and get a seat in the first row facing front.

Now, in the seats facing inward in the front (that area where wheelchairs would go) there is a homeless man, that weighed about 400 pounds and smelled like a toilet. Tell me this, how does a homeless man get that fat? He was belligerently drunk and disgustingly gross, and the odor he was emitting made me terribly sick to my stomach, but it was either sit there or stand in the aisle being thrown about. So I sat and breathed through my mouth.

Before the bus left the station, a young mother with an umbrella stroller containing about a 10 month old, and her toddler son got on the bus. No one except me, the pregnant lady, and the belligerant bum asked if she wanted their seat. NO ONE. All around me were able bodied men, who just watched this poor woman and her two kids be thrown about. And who offers to give up their seats? The fat pregnant lady and the homeless man! Made me irate. She declined us both, but at least we asked.

So our journey commences and the entire time this poor homeless man is muttering to people about where he wants to get off. I am far enough away from him that I can't understand his drunken mumbling, but people that are right next to him don't even bother paying attention to him. One guy who is standing right in front of him, with headphones in, pretends not to hear him, but then talks to the guy on his other side just fine. I am getting so angry with people, because this homeless man just wants someone to tell him when his stop comes, and everyone is pretending he isn't there, and talking about him right in front of him.

WELL - I take it upon myself to do my good deed of the day and I say to him, "excuse me sir, what stop are you looking for?" and he said something that I thought was Rosi Square, and I say "oh we just passed that, you should get off at this stop and walk a block back" and he looks at me and yells "you cocksucker!" Hold the effing phone buddy...What did you just say to me? And I say to him "excuse me? I was just trying to help you?" and he looks at me again and said "cocksucker" right to my face. I about stood up and punched this man in the face. Here I am feeling so badly for him, and the one person who is actually decent and kind to him he calls a cocksucker? Forget you buddy.

So here I am sitting on this ridiculously crowded bus, with some guy standing next to me screaming into his cell phone, with his crotch in my face...I am about to vomit from the smell of the bus thanks to the douche of a homeless man, the guy sitting next to me is basically sitting on my leg because he has no consideration for personal space - especially that of a pregnant lady!! I think I also got hit in the head five times by bags people were carrying when they walked by me. There are multiple teenagers listening to terrible music so freaking loud everyone on the bus can hear it. And apparently the bus driver was fired up about this bus ride too because he actually got off the bus, went to the back door and yelled at people for not filling up all the space. He also did the "I'm not moving this bus until you all listen and move to the back right now..." move at every stop. I seriously almost got off and walked the 3 miles home.

Never did fresh air smell so sweet as when I got off that bus ride from hell. I told my husband this story when I got home - all sweaty and tense...my relaxing day gone to shit - and he said it is like that every day. That is when I told him I would drive him to the train even more than I do now because no one should have to go through that BS every day, twice a day! Granted my husband does take cabs, and a car service home most nights, but no one should have to deal with that after working 12 hour days like he does.

So I just had to share - people are jerks, even if you are pregnant and try to do something nice for someone.

Second Pregnancy Syndrome

I am tired. So tired that last week I fell asleep while watching a Red Sox game-in Fenway Park. I fell asleep standing up in the shower. I felt similarly exhausted during my first trimester, however that was expected. Now I am well into my second trimester-a time of supposed abundant energy and vigor. If I'm this tired now with 13 or so weeks left, how will I ever stay awake through my third trimester? Maybe I'll sleep through the entire end of my pregnancy and wake up when the new baby arrives.

I thought something was wrong with me. Maybe I am dehydrated. Maybe I do not eat enough iron. Maybe ice cream contains tryptophan. I shared my concerns with Midwife Suzy at my 24 week appointment a few weeks prior. While Midwife Suzy said my exhaustion could be due to any number of things, she said most likely I suffer from a very common, yet widely unknown condition called Second Pregnancy Syndrome.

I am not alone. Millions of women, usually after an extra glass of pinot noir or two, willingly, some with great diligence and determination, actually try to get pregnant for a second time. Women like us forget how physically and emotionally challenging pregnancy was the first time around. We actually had time to care for ourselves and not worry about a little tot running around underfoot. When I was pregnant with C, I took a nap almost every day during my first and third trimesters. I slept hard. I drooled. During one afternoon nap, a giant oak tree fell down on my street and landed on my neighbor's car, taking with it a telephone pole and power lines, and knocking out power to the entire neighborhood. My street was illuminated by the flashing lights of emergency vehicles. I slept through the entire thing.

Being pregnant with a toddler, I do not have the luxury of taking drool-inducing three hour afternoon naps. Sure, I could nap when C naps, but when would I do laundry, clean my house, pay bills, watch Bravo, or write infrequent blog posts? And now that C only naps once a day for about two hours, I spend most of my day chasing her from various place to place. She would rather play "Hide from Monster" or visit the playground, than play "Let's Watch the Inside of Mom's Eyelids and See What Happens."

All of this toddler chasing and lack of rest led to my diagnosis of Second Pregnancy Syndrome. The primary symptom of SPS is sheer, utter, mother effing exhaustion. The secondary symptoms of SPS are simultaneous sneezing and pants pissing, as well as borderline precarious caffeine consumption. Midwife Suzy recommends trying to rest as much as possible, knowing that in reality this will probably equal five extra minutes of rest per day. There is no cure.

I'm afraid Second Pregnancy Syndrome prepares second time moms for the chronic condition known as, Second Child Sleep Extinction, which transforms once semi-rested, content mothers of one, into night walking zombie mamas with gaping black holes where their eyes once sparkled. They may or may not eat their young, especially if it will buy them some extra shut eye.

I am also afraid SPS will initiate my downward spiral toward Crappy Parenting. Many days, I feel too exhausted to give parenting all of the energy it deserves. While I want to run in the park with my daughter, my body wants to lay down on the couch and turn on Sesame Street. I fear I am often too tired to put forth my best effort and my child will suffer the consequences of my fatigue.

My diagnosis of Second Pregnancy Syndrome leaves me frustrated and fearful, however whining and complaining will not remedy my situation. The only remedy is to make a concerted effort to get more rest. I began my course of treatment today and enjoyed a delicious afternoon nap. I may even go to bed before 10:00 tonight. If you see me night walking around the Boston suburbs, please send me straight to bed. Good night.

I'm ready...I think

I had a lovely moment with a pregnant woman at the park this morning. (OK, that sounds totally dirty, but keep reading)

I was at the Arboretum, walking the pooch and pushing M along in her stroller, as we do every morning during the week. Today we were a little later than normal so I didn't see my regulars (the man that runs shirtless no matter how many feet of snow are on the ground), but a new cast of characters (including the woman jogging in linen shorts, a silk shirt and boat shoes). Everyone is always very pleasant and friendly, and says "good morning" as you pass, and all the dogs are the same (replace good morning with a bum sniff).

As I was huffing and puffing up a steep hill an extremely pregnant woman was walking towards me with her dog. She was the type of pregnant that I wish I was - big round belly, perfectly toned arms and legs, not looking like she gained an ounce of weight anywhere other than her stomach. She had a great big smile on her face as she was watching M play with the flowers (weeds) we had just picked and singing her ABCs as loud as she could. And I couldn't help but smile back at her as she looked beautiful. There is something about pregnant women that I just think is so attractive (not in a sexual way) - their strength and power, their glow, the wonder of the whole idea that we can grow life inside us. As a fellow woman, and as someone who has experienced the whole pregnancy thing, I just feel a kinship towards other pregnant women and can't help but smile at them.

So our dogs sniffed each other, we said our good mornings, and off we went, but since we were making the loop in different directions, we actually crossed paths again shortly thereafter. And here she came, smiling her glowing smile and I stopped and said "you know, I just had to tell you, you look so beautiful."

She stopped and looked at me and started to tear up, as she pulled her tank top over her enormous belly and said "that is the nicest thing I could hear right now. I feel so huge and fat. Wow, thank you so much...I needed to hear that."

"Well, you really do look beautiful. Have a great day!"

And I turned as quickly as I could because I then just started to cry. One of those sobbing, gasping cries that comes out of nowhere (and even now as I remember this moment I am crying at my computer while I type this). And I know why...

For those of you that know me personally, or have read the blog since the beginning, you know that I had a terrible time getting pregnant with M. It took us 2 years of fertility drugs, and IUIs and IVF, and I can't tell you how many failed pregnancy tests, and so many tears, and sessions with therapists, but we finally have our little miracle, who has brought us all the joy in the world.

Well a few months ago I (my husband left the timing decision up to me) decided that it was time to start trying for a second child. Because I am unable to get pregnant without assistance from science (thank you science), we decided after a few months of hopelessly trying on our own we would go forward with a cryo IVF cycle. When we had M I also had 5 additional embryos that were frozen in 2009, so we are now in the process of doing a frozen cycle (as opposed to the fresh cycle, where they have to knock me out and retrieve eggs, etc.).

Once again my body looks like a war zone from all the injections, and I am taking three pills in the morning and three pills at night...and I have a basket full of syringes on my kitchen counter, which also contains different types of liquids to be injected later as well as pills I will have to take after the implantation.

My big girl laying next to the Preemie clothing
she wore the first day she got home

Needless to say I am a hormonal mess. One minute I want to plow into the car in front of me for cutting me off, the next minute I am in tears over seeing the Preemie clothing that M had to wear when she was born.

Or crying over seeing a pregnant woman in the park! But I think this minor encounter I had today, that lasted all of 15 seconds, has finally brought me to the conclusion that I am ready to have a second child. I am ready to be pregnant again (I had an easy pregnancy after the 2 years of chaos thankfully), and I am ready for M to be a big sister, and I am ready for those sleepless nights in the beginning, and that newborn cry, and those tiny hands and that new baby smell.

I know my life will be chaos, but I am ready for it. I think of it as my next project in life (current project is M's big girl room - more to come on that soon).

Of course we might not get pregnant this time around which I say I will be able to handle better than I did 2 years ago, but who the hell knows. All I can do is stay positive, take care of myself, keep shooting myself up with hormones and let science take it's course.

Morning, Noon & Night Sickness

a guest post by a close friend soon-to-be- Mama T

The first thing you learn is that ‘morning’ sickness is a total misnomer, it is all day sickness. Some women have it worse than others, and I had it pretty bad. I read one pregnancy book that said “welcome to the queasies” and I almost threw the book out the window. What I had was not “the queasies”, it was full out vomiting all day every day.

So I tried every remedy that I could find online, in books, advice from friends and family, doctors, etc. If it was out there, I tried it. So I wanted to share those remedies in case it will help another Mama-to-be, and mostly to let you know that you are not alone!

Personally I was unable to control the morning sickness with home remedies and ended up having to take Zofran due to dehydration (the other option for me was to be admitted to the hospital for IV fluids, so I chose the less invasive route). If you are unable to keep down any water or liquids then definitely contact your doctor right away, or if you have signs of dehydration (infrequent dark urination, loss of skin elasticity, dizziness/fainting, etc), as dehydration can be harmful to your baby or this could be a more serious form of morning sickness called Hyperemesis gravidarum.

I was very resistant to taking Zofran (generic name is Ondansetron), since though it seems many women are prescribed it for morning sickness, the FDA has issued a B rating, so it has not been adequately studied in humans but no side effects were found in animals studies (check out www.safefetus.com for ratings on any medications). My husband did some research and found that the NIH has done a study where they found no negative side effects from Zofran in pregnancy, which helped me to feel a little better about taking it.

Here is a list of things that I tried (yes, I tried them all!):

·           Take your pre-natal vitamins! No, this doesn’t help with morning sickness, but it very important for the baby, especially if you are vomiting up all your meals. If your vitamin is making your sickness worse, talk to your doctor about a different brand/type. Some women have trouble swallowing the pills and end up taking chewable vitamins.

·           When you wake up in the middle of the night between 2-4am, eat a snack. This will help with sickness in the morning time, because as my doctor explained morning sickness is paradoxical, meaning that the more empty your stomach, the more sick you feel.

·           Eat small meals often- eat every 1-2 hours, whatever you can keep down, this goes along with the point above- so that your stomach is never empty.

·           Try sucking on Preggie Pops or hard candies. I found these to relive some of the nausea (not the vomiting though). Regular lollipops and hard candies worked just as well for me, for some women gum works or ginger flavor hard candies.

·           Drink fluids 1/2 hour before or after a meal, but not with meals- this is SO much harder than it sounds!

·           Drink small amounts of fluids during the day to avoid dehydration- if you can’t drink water (like me), try gingerale or seltzer, whatever you are able to drink. And avoid diuretics like coffee or tea that will make you more dehydrated.

·           Try acupuncture. I know this is not for everyone, but I did find some relief from it. Make sure to do your research and find a professional with experience and training treating pregnant women.

·           Foods to try: soda crackers (saltines with or without salt), lemonade/lemons, gingerale or ginger cookies (anything with ginger in it), caffeine-free ginger tea, watermelon. Or basically just eat whatever doesn’t smell horrible. For me it ended up being applesauce, crackers, pasta, cantaloupe, graham crackers, plain bagels, plain yogurt and just plain carbs. “Some women find that carbohydrates are most appealing when they feel nauseated, but one small study found that high-protein foods were more likely to ease symptoms” From Baby Center- however I say eat whatever you can keep down!  Foods high in protein include: peanut butter on apple slices or celery; nuts; cheese; crackers; milk; cottage cheese; soy, and yogurt.

·           Foods to avoid: fatty foods, strong smelling foods, fried foods or spicy foods.

·           Eat soda crackers (or whatever you can stomach) 15 minutes before getting out of bed in the morning

·           Get out of bed slowly in the morning.

·           Aromatherapy- lemons, ginger, lavender, peppermint- were some of the smells recommended.

·           Try wearing Sea bands. You can find these in the pharmacy, they put pressure on your inner wrist in the area that is supposed to relieve sea-sickness, the same pressure points used for morning sickness.

·           Avoid foods and smells that increase nausea. Um yeah, for me that was basically everything.

·           Avoid warm places (feeling hot adds to nausea)

·           Exercise. Haha, I will not lie, I did not do much exercising. Although getting outside and taking a walk (in an area without strong smells) did seem to help.

·           Vitamin B6 taken as a combination with the antihistamine doxylamine. In the United States this combination can be recreated by using Vitamin B6 along with over-the-counter Unisom SleepTabs (Not SleepGels or SleepMelts). NOTE: I would not recommend trying this without consulting your doctor, my doctor did recommend it for me, he called it the “miracle pills” (although it didn’t work for me), but it must work for some women!

My doctor said the absolute most important thing is to stay hydrated, so he was not too concerned that I was throwing up all my meals, but more worried that I couldn’t tolerate liquids and became dehydrated. He explained that the baby feeds off the vitamins already in my body, so as long as I could keep down my pre-natal vitamin, food intake was not that important.

The good news is that for most women the symptoms resolve by the end of the first trimester (12-14 weeks). Usually symptoms peak at week 10, so you may have an end in sight! However, some of us unlucky ladies it continues on into the second trimester and for some poor women it continues throughout the entire pregnancy. Based on my internet research symptoms are often worse and persist longer for women carrying multiples.

How do you know?

My initial title was “How do you know when it’s time to have a (or another) baby?” But the answer to that is rather obvious- you haven’t been able to see your toes for 5 months, your face has swollen into a perfect sphere, and every 2-3 minutes you’re screaming at pitches only dogs can hear in a desperate attempt to alleviate some of the pain coming from this ‘beautiful’ creature inside your belly. My real question is “How do you know when it’s time to start trying for a/another baby?”

My husband and I had a plan that we’d have our first baby when we were 30. Then suddenly, I get smacked in the head with Baby Fever at 26 and all I can do (think, feel, want, etc) is Baby. Even pregnant women made me gushy. How do you explain this to a guy?

Me: Well yes, honey, I know that was our plan, but you see, now I really want one.

Him: What made you change your mind?

Me: Uhhhhh…

As soon as the pregnancy test was positive, my husband was excited and upon seeing our baby 9 months later, I know he’d never look back. But, as Baby starts to get older, I am noticing signs of an all too familiar illness. The plan all along was to have our kids 2-2.5 years apart, but Baby isn’t even 1 yet and Baby Fever is settling in…hard. It is unfair (not to mention, unproductive) for me to call the shots alone but then how do I make these feelings disappear for another 6 months? I try thinking about all of the inconveniences of pregnancy, but even morning sickness sounds delightful right now. Does this happen to everyone or am I just weak? How did you know it was time? Did your husband agree?

Fired up: a tale of one pregnant woman's journey on the T during rush hour

(a photo from my train ride in Boston this morning...hahah!)

Since I work from home, I rarely take public transportation, and if I do so, it is the bus. Well, this morning I had to drop off my car at the dealership in Brookline, so I was forced to take the dreaded Green Line (which I must say I used to take every day for 3 years to and from work) into the city at 7:30 AM.

After waiting at the Brookline Hills stop for 20 minutes, an overly packed train came to a halt in front of me and approximately 40 commuters. Because of the overcrowdedness of the train, all of the doors were open to facilitate boarding. I move from the front door down towards a back one to see if there is any room for me, and my giant belly clad in a yellow rain coat to board. Did I mention that it was pouring out?

I manage to squeeze my way onto the train, and I am forced to stand in the doorway, reaching out for the nearest poll to steady myself. At the next stop, two seats open up right next to where I am standing, as school children disembark the car. I figure since I am noticeably pregnant (by this time I am rubbing my belly and arching my back) that I will be able to cop a squat in one of the vacant chairs. Oh no! Two middle aged business man in executive trench coats rush by me to take the seats!! They open up their papers simultaneously and ignore me, as I am now basically standing over them with my belly in their faces.

They weren't the only culprits. All around me were able bodied men and women who kept their heads down and ignored the fragile pregnant woman (ha ha) that was being bounced around between the other people forced to stand on this overly crowded train. And because I was forced to stand in the doorway area, I had to then get off and on at every stop to let the passengers disembark at their respective stops! So now the pregnant lady not only doesn't have a seat, but has to walk up and down the stairs, to wait outside in the rain while people get off. I am getting fired up just thinking about it again!

At about the third stop into the city, a lovely dashing older gentleman was standing with me in the doorway and said rather loudly "So I guess there aren't any seats for this pregnant woman here, huh?" I blushed and giggled at his bold statement, and commented about how chivalry was dead while nodding toward the trench-coat mafia sitting right next to me. We got into a conversation about when his wife was pregnant he would ask people to give up their seats, and I told him I was getting off shortly (in 4 more stops), and he told me not even to bother with the older gentlemen if looking for a seat - that it will most likely be another woman that gives up her seat for me in the future.

Isn't that the truth though?? If I was on this train and saw a pregnant woman, or someone elderly - man or woman - I would get up in one second flat. These commuters will be sitting all day at their desks...will it kill them to give up their seats to someone who is 8.5 months pregnant? Apparently it will...

Now I must admit that I wasn't miserable standing on the train, it was just the principle of the whole thing that got to me - hence this post. It turned into more of an experiment for me - how far out can I stick my belly before someone offers me a seat? What if I rub my back? Maybe some neck rolls? What about a nonchalant sigh? Some deep breaths? Maybe they will think I am going into labor...Nope, still standing. Jerks.

X is for Xena?

When I found out the sex of the baby, I quickly shared my favorite baby girl names with my outspoken mother..."Penelope? You mean like the pig faced girl?"

And that is why my husband and I are keeping our list of names a secret.

Ever since we made that decision, my parents have resorted to calling my baby girl, Xena, warrior princess, due to the struggles to actually create her, and the fact that she hung on through some trying times in the beginning of the pregnancy. I figured once we were in the clear around 14 weeks, the name would fall by the wayside. Oh no! Xena has stuck. Even my grandmothers now refer to her as Xena in conversation. (And no, Xena is not one of our front runners on the name list.)

As we get towards the home stretch (11 weeks to go now) we talk more frequently about the future name of our baby girl. For years we loved Olivia, but it has since become one of the most popular names out there amongst the Emmas, Ellas, Avas, Evas, Lillys, Madisons, Sophies and Sadies (all names I dearly love, but are too popular for my choosing). We made the decision that we don't want to name her anything too mainstream, but nothing that is too rare, like Mehitabel (yes this is an actual name). So, we started reading almost every name book out there, made dozens of lists, searched our family trees, and finally narrowed it down to about 4 names that we could agree on, and be happy with. We had an even trickier time than most, as my current married surname rhymes with a certain private area of a humans body - let's just say "Harry" would warrant years of teasing.

The final list now hangs on the fridge, where every day I am presented with one of the biggest decisions I will have to make in my life (at least I see it that way!). I stare at the list, say a name over and over with our last name...maybe add in a middle name to see how it sounds...but am I sold? UGH - I don't know! Will kids find some way to turn this name into a horrible nickname that she will be stuck with forever? Will she like this name, or forever be stuck with this horrible title and blame me for it for the rest of my existence?

How do you make such an important decision for someone you haven't yet met? Everyone keeps saying, you will know her name when you see her...what if she doesn't look like a Name A, B, C or D? What if she looks like a Xena?????

Here are two of my favorite name resources:

Nymbler

The Baby Name Wizard

Swim, mama, Swim!

I have always considered myself an active person. If I don't go to the gym, I feel like a lazy bum, and just don't feel myself. Before I became pregnant, I was at the gym at least 4 times a week, and going to yoga class once a week, and walking about 2-3 miles with my dog daily. Not that I was in great shape, but I definitely was at a healthy fighting weight. Well, it took us a very long time to get pregnant, and in the months leading up to our successful IVF procedure, I had been through 3 rounds of IUI as well. For anyone that has been through assisted fertility treatments, they will know where I am going with this...

When you don't ovulate like a normal person, they put you on high doses of a drug called Gonal-F, which you inject in your tummy every night for about 5-7 nights straight. Because I was such a high responder (I am talking world record breaking egg production here :), I had to go into the hospital every morning at 6:30 AM to have my blood taken, as well as an ultrasound probe shoved up my hoo-hah to have my ovaries monitored. So my point is that after having that done every day, who really wants to go to the gym and lift weights with track marks up and down their arms? And on top of the monitoring, I was not allowed to do anything active for the days around my many assisted treatments. Needless to say it was months before I actually got pregnant that I stopped working out regularly, and started packing on the pounds.

Long story short, I am not as active as I used to be, and now at 26 weeks into this pregnancy, I am starting to feel the woes of the extra l.b.'s I have gained. I am walking slower (and almost waddling as of late), the balls of my feet are in constant agony (it feels like the day after a night out clubbing in 4 inch heels - and I know that feeling very well), my hands and feet are now swollen like cartoon hands by 5 PM every night, I have to hoist myself off the couch and out of my car, and my balance is so not what it used to be.

But lo and behold there is a magical place where all of this falls by the wayside, and you can feel yourself again!! And it is called the pool (finally I am to the point of this post :)!!! For all you pregnant ladies, I beg you now to go find a gym with a pool and get on your swimsuit and get in that water! It is the one place where you can feel yourself again. Pregnancy does not hinder your ability to swim laps - now it is no spin class, but it does give you a great work out. From what I have read, doing the breast stroke is proven to help get your body ready for labor - and hell it is the easiest stroke out there. Thank god it isn't the butterfly they recommend! Even if you don't get in the pool for exercise, get in it to feel yourself again...just float and feel the magical feeling of weightlessness. Swim, Mamas, Swim!

"You're Pregnant? I thought you were just fat!"

There are a lot of odd things that happen to you when you are pregnant...and I don't just mean with your body (more on that in a later post). As I come upon the home stretch of my pregnancy, and I begin to waddle more than walk, I have noticed that people act much differently towards you when you have a bun in the oven. Not only are they much nicer to you, but I feel like I have even gotten special treatment as of late...

For example, when I went to purchase lunch while doing a trunk show at a fancy department store last week, not only was I given the employee discount (of 20%) I was given an extra 30% off my purchase of a delicious chicken salad sandwich. The gracious woman who rang me up just winked and said "I'll give you a little extra off too," and I beamed back at her as I lovingly rubbed my protruding belly. When I told the employees and fellow trunk show vendors they were astonished!

When in line at my local butchers yesterday I was asked by all three employees behind the counter what I wanted, when there were 3 people in line ahead of me! Of course I declined their prompt service, and told them I was in no hurry, and that there were 3 patient people waiting ahead of me...but in 4 years of going there that has never happened to me!

While in line at the register to purchase some large tupperware bins at Target last weekend, I noticed that one of the tops had a crack in it. I paid for my entire purchase and asked if I could run back and get a new lid - the cashier said "normally we would have you leave your purchases here, but you can go ahead and take your cart with you." After I exchanged the lid, I just bypassed the registers and walked out of the store. Now, I am a very honest person, but if I wasn't, I could have put anything I wanted in my carriage and walked out of the store without paying...Was this because I was pregnant? Or just because the cashier was an idiot...It could go either way :)

Doors are being held more often, chairs are being offered, I can take a golf cart when they aren't allowed on the course - I was even able to use the employee bathroom at the Gap the other day! WHAT? And all because I am pregnant. It is still amazing to me how pregnant women are looked upon as these heavenly beings. Yes, the fact that we grow inside another human still blows my mind (and creeps me out a bit) - but what makes a pregnant woman more important than a woman that decides not to have children? Shouldn't we be this nice to everyone all the time? Not that I am complaining at all - I am taking full advantage of all these positive happenings. And I know, I have a precious being growing inside of me, and need to take care of myself now more than ever - I just wish everyone was this nice to me all the time.

And then there was the group of Irish gents in front of my friend and I at last weeks PGA tour stop in Norton, MA. One went to light a cigarette in front of me and I said out loud "I can't stand here if he is going to smoke." He then drunkenly slurred, "Fine. I will stand behind you so you can't smell it." I then explained (although I thought it was rather obvious) that it didn't matter either way, I was pregnant and didn't want to inhale is cigarette smoke. He proceeded to yell at me "You're pregnant? I just thought you were fuggin' fat!" I wasn't sure whether to punch him or laugh - so I just blankly stared at him in shock. In a matter of seconds, he went from a shit-faced rude slob to a doting, overly-friendly man, who turned out to be the new father of twins. And then he tried to touch my belly - that was our queue to move to the next hole!

Pregnancy Pillow...Meh

After polling our Mamas, we came to discover that people were indifferent about the pregnancy pillows you can buy to help support your body while you are big and pregnant. You know the ones that are shaped like a J, that you are supposed to wrap you body around?

One of our Mamas says "100% they are worth it. My only regret is that I waited until I was pregnant to discover it. I had a full body length pillow that was shaped like a "J" and I would wrap myself all around it. It was so comfortable it supported my stomach later during my pregnancy and it provided much needed padding between my knees. The only negative is that it is a lot like having a third person in your bed so when you have to get up to pee, if that "person" is between you and the bathroom it can be kind of comical as you and your pregnant bump try to negotiate around the giant pillow to get out of bed. Also, i don't think my husband liked it very much since I only snuggled with my pillow and not with him and because I caused such a ruckus getting out of bed to pee (which I did about 10 times a night) that he always woke up too."

But all of the other Mamas were indifferent. Some felt that you can save your money by using your own pillows at home - putting one between your legs and holding onto the other with your arms. It is totally a matter of preference. This is one of those items that we say "borrow if you can"!

Exercising while pregnant

Listen to your body when you are pregnant. If you feel up to exercising, do it. If you don’t, don’t feel guilty (like you would if you weren’t pregnant)! What is most important is to feel good about yourself while you cook the baby for 10 months. That could mean eating Cheez-Its as exercise, or running 5 miles a day. This is not your wedding--you don't have to have your picture taken much the big day--and no one is looking at you really, they want to see the star.

Most of our Mama’s were most comfortable walking during their pregnancy, while others also swam (they say that breast stroke will help prepare your body for delivery). One Mama did pre-natal yoga, but found that with the additional poundage, her hands seemed to go numb much quicker (and stay that way for a while).

While those Mama’s that continue to exercise throughout pregnancy do not necessarily have easier births (out of our Mama’s they were the ones that actually ended up having more complications, but that is totally unrelated) they did in fact have a much easier recovery after birth. Within a short period of time they were pretty much back to their pre-baby body (many of them also attribute the quicker weight loss to breast feeding).

“The “Perfect Pregnancy Workout” video is the best – it’s hard enough to be a challenge – even post-pregnancy, but you can do it when you’re pregnant. And eating…sadly, if you do it as much as I did, that is exercise too.” – MAMA E

“I highly recommend exercising during pregnancy. I enjoyed swimming and using the cardio machines at the gym. By keeping up your endurance during pregnancy you get a head start on the incredible endurance you will need once the baby comes. I know everyone says that exercise helps with the birth – I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I can promise you that staying in shape will help when you have been awake for 96 hours straight and have been bouncing a little newborn baby in your arms for that entire time.” – MAMA S

“Walking – it helped to keep me in shape and to relax. I gained steady weight throughout my pregnancy and ended up right in the correct range 25-30 pounds come delivery time. It also helped to tire me out so I would sleep better but it didn’t exhaust me like running or other high intensity exercise did. You can walk in any weather which is good because there is no excuse to stop doing it. Stretching was good too. I felt great going into my labor, I think my fitness level helped me to try for as long as I did (labor for 24 hours, pushed for 3 hours then c-section). It absolutely made recovery from c-section easier because you have to use arms and legs a lot since your abdomen is very sore and you can’t really use the muscles there to get up and out of bed, chairs, etc.” – MAMA C

“Took ballet classes which really helped with the sciatica “ MAMA A

“I was so sore the day after deliver (and I don't mean down there, I mean my whole body! I felt like I ran a marathon. My entire body hurt....my arms, my back, my shoulders, my legs...you truly are using every muscle in your body to push the baby out (unless you have a c-section of course) - I guess maybe if I had exercised more I would have been in better shape, but honestly I don't think so. My doctor told me the next day, it was like the equivalent of running a marathon, and I agree!!” – MAMA P

Morning Sickness- bleck!

Why do some women get it, and some women don’t? We have no clue! If you are one of the lucky ones that don’t get “morning” sickness, be thankful, and don’t rub it in a sick Soon-to-be-Mama’s face.

While morning sickness (more like All Day sickness) is technically supposed to end when the placenta takes over, it can last well into the second trimester. One Mama describes it as “It’s like when you got really drunk, passed out in the middle of the night, and then woke up at like 4 AM super dizzy and really wishing you would throw-up.”

Those Mama’s that were nauseous say that eating saltines, sucking on lemon slices, loading up on carbs, having protein for breakfast, and “the ocean” were amongst their remedies (I don’t say cure because there is none!). There are some products out there marketed towards helping with morning sickness, like the Preggie Pops, or Preggie Drops, but we give them mixed reviews. You are just as good sucking on a hard candy of your choice.

If it gets to the point where you can’t function, call your doctor and they can even prescribe a pill to take the edge off. Ahh, drugs.