The Tumultuous Threes

tu-mul-tu-ous (adj): making a loud, confused noise; uproarious; excited, confused, disorderly

Yup, that about sums it up.

Don't listen to what they tell you - the twos are a breeze. At least for us they were. Sure there were fits and times M wouldn't behave, but all-in-all the twos were pretty great. Don't get me wrong - the threes are pretty great too. In fact this is my favorite age so far as I feel like I now have a little partner in crime. M loves to help me do stuff, loves to hang out with me and we can actually have conversations now.

But recently M found her litte voice and started giving us a hard time. Gone are the days when we can just blame her crankiness on being overly tired. Now if she doesn't want to do what you tell her to do there is push back, there is screaming and boy, there is some drama.

Here is how it usually goes in our house:

M: Can I watch something on the big tv mom?
Mama: Not right now, let's go outside.
M: Can I watch something on the big tv mom? (this time much louder with a sprinkle of whine and some sort of stiff body action)
Mama: M, I said not now. It is a beautiful day, let's go outside and play. We can watch something later.
M: Can I watch something on the big tv now mom? (this time it is screamed and she is usually draped dramatically on the ottoman or standing on her little PB chair with her hands in fists)
Mama: M, I said No.
M: YOU CAN'T SAY NO MOM!! (this is her favorite thing to say now and boy does it drive me crazy)
Mama: Yes, I can say No. I am the boss. Let's go outside.
M: YOU CAN'T SAY NO MOM!! You can't make me go outside!
Mama: Yes, I can. Let's go outside (me pushing her towards the door to go out back)
M: You can't touch me mom! You can't touch me!
Mama: Yes, I can touch you. I am your Mom. I can touch you if I want to.
M: You can't tell me you can touch me Mom! You can't say you're my mom!
Mama: Fine you stay inside, but you aren't watching tv. (I then bring Val outside to swing on the swingset while M stays inside screaming that I can't do things...)
M (from the doorway - looking at us on the swingset): YOU CAN'T PUT VAL IN THE SWING MOM!"
Mama ignores M
M (from the doorway): You can't push Val on the swing mom!
Mama: Why don't you come swing with us, M?
M: You can't ask me to come swing mom! I want to come outside now...(of course this is in her cute sweet normal voice)
Mama: Ok! Come on out and join us!
M: You can't tell me to come join you! I want to stay here.
Mama: Then stay there
M:  You can't tell me to stay there Mom!

YADA YADA YADA...

This is a daily scene in our household now, and even when we are out and about. I will be holding her hand, walking through the grocery store and she will say all of the sudden "you can't hold my hand mom!" and I try my best to ignore this behavior because this is the last thing I want to deal with when I am out in public.

I have tried giving her a time out when she does this. I will put her in another room in a corner, tell her to stay there for a minute, or until she plans to be nice (because I call this behavior "not being nice to mommy") but that never works.

Then I have tried taking away one of her toys when she yells at me like this. I always put them high above the kitchen cabinets, so they are out of reach but she can still see them. I tell her when she is being nice again she can have them back. This of course leads her to come over and hug me and tell me "mom, you are my best friend. I will be nice now." What a little actress this one is!

My husbands method to dealing with this behavior is to distract M and make her laugh. This always works in the short term and makes her forget that she was even mad in the first place.

But how do I discourage this behavior in the first place? I know this is just a three year old being three, and she is expressing herself, but it drives me up a wall. I tend to start raising my voice and telling her over and over that in fact I CAN do whatever you are saying I CAN'T do - and I know this is the worst response I could probably have. Makes me seem like I am a three year old saying "i'm rubber you're glue..."

Oh 4...I hope you are friendly and fabulous!

To M Every Day Is Opposite Day

As we approach M's third birthday in December, I look back on this past year and can't help but say we have gotten off pretty easy as far as the "terrible twos" are concerned. Sure there was a fit here and there, and lots of drama (she likes to look at her reflection in any surface and pretend she is crying - I mean even door knobs for crying out loud), but over all we have been blessed with a pretty mild mannered, polite, cool kid. I have heard from other parents that it isn't actually two that is terrible, but the age of three when the horns come out. Slowly but surely I am starting to see a sublet change in M's behavior here and there that makes me think her next year of life is going to be a adventurous one.

Lately I feel like every day is opposite day in her little head....

Last night she was constantly banging her fork on the glass table during dinner so I say, "don't bang your fork on the table sweetie, you are hurting the table and that isn't nice."

In her head I imagine she heard "Bang that fork on the table - and bang it as loudly as you possibly can! Momma would love it if you put scratches in the table!"

Of course the behavior continued after I told her again to stop, in my serious parent voice this time.

And in her head this time she heard, "oh you want me to throw the fork at you? That sounds like fun! Let me bang it two more times before I chuck this silver fork at your face!"

And said fork came flying in my direction, which of course outraged my husband and turned him into mad daddy, which scares the junk out of M. This seems to be the only way to stop M from doing what we ask her repeatedly to stop doing though.

Don't hit mommy!

What, you want me to hit you? Harder this time? Maybe some scratching too?

Pick up your paper dolls before you get out the letters.

Oh you want me to make an even bigger mess? I will just pour these letters all over the ground and then walk through my paper dolls to make them go all over the place.

Let's go into your room to get ready for bed...

Oh so it is ok that I run down the hallway to your room and jump on your bed? Sweet!

No you cannot go outside, it is cold and dark out.

What was that? (As she backs out the sliding door in slow motion, while grinning at me from ear to ear) It is ok to go outside? Without shoes on? In my pajamas?

Don't run with food in your mouth. Chew, swallow and then you can run...

Oh so I should shove more food in my mouth and take off running at full speed without chewing? Gotcha!!

And so goes every day here in Mama J's household. I should start trying a little bit of reverse psychology on this kid!! I can't imagine what she is going to be like when she is a teenager. That is when we send her to live with her grandparents.

I do what I want!

Please tell me...How do you get a 16 month old to understand that NO does not in fact mean DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN?

I have been fortunately blessed with a very good natured, mild-mannered child (she takes after her father). She is crazy well behaved (yes I know this will change any day now) but there are certain things she just loves to do that she is not supposed to do, and no matter how many times I tell her no, she continues to do them.

What? What did I do? You can't be made at this face! 

There are a few of these instances that surround meal time. She insists on feeding our dog no matter what time of day and what she is eating. It was cute at first (my husband still loves it, as does the pooch) but now it drives me insane, because she is throwing food on the floor that the pooch won't eat most of the time (our dog is a food snob - fine meats and cheese, please, woof). I am constantly telling her "No M. Do not throw that on the floor. Keep it on your tray." and actually grabbing her hand when she is mid-drop to stop her. She looks at me with this sheepish grin on her face and her big blue eyes that make me melt...and then sticks her arm over the side and drops the morsel on the ground. It is like she knows it drives me crazy!!

The second instance is when she decides to swipe her tray with her hands and again make all her food hit the ground. I thought at first this was a sign of her being done, but no, I have come to find out she just likes to do it...especially when the food is extra messy and hard for me to clean up. I will put pieces of fish on her tray, and some vegg, and she will go crazy and swipe her hands back and forth on the tray making her food fly everywhere. The pooch loves this, I do not. Again I grab her hands and say "Do Not Do That M" but she looks at me with that snaggly tooth smile and my anger immediately subsides...until five minutes later when I have fish in my hair.

Another thing she constantly does is fall back from a seated position - mostly in the bath tub. She thinks this is extra hilarious, but it boils my blood. No matter how many times I tell her not to do it, she continues to do it. Little does she know that if I wasn't there to grab her she would seriously hurt herself. I hold the back of her head and force her to sit up, but she continues to push against my hand laughing hysterically. At that point I just take her out of the bath because I can't deal with it anymore. I think this is something she does in her crib (where she still wears her helmet and can land safely on her mattress) and doesn't realize that she could actually hurt herself doing this in the tub.

There are other things I tell her not to do (put the dogs leash in her mouth, drop her sippy cup on the floor no matter where she is) but she either doesn't understand what No means, or does and loves to drive me crazy. I am hoping for the former, but I suspect it is the latter.

Any advice Mamas? How do you get your toddler to understand that NO means NO and not do it again and again until your Mama is driven to drink multiple glasses of wine???