When to abandond ones principals??? (rant no2)

So, my dbg is just that, a little darling!, she's filled with energy and uses it up quickly, that means she gets very tired very soon and has no energy to eat or sit down for a story once she's hit bottom.

A few weeks ago we weened her off the pacifier (we call it dummy, so for future reference, dummy=pacifier) it went ok, it took her about a week to settle for her night time sleep without it and now she sleeps like a dream (most of the time) without it, the day naps never settled, she will scream and scream and scream so in the end I told my hubby that we'll have to give it to her, I nor her can take this any longer.

So now she'll fall asleep but wake up as soon as the dummy falls out of her mouth, I try to get her to suck her thumb but she likes to pat things and forgets to suck the thumb, though she still gets upset when it comes out and forgets that it was her thumb and she can easily put it back in again, she also is still struggling to get the dummy in properly, sometimes it works but most times it doesn't so I go in to her room over and over again, her sleep is interrupted and it turns out it's not a good enough nap.

Now she's also a bit wingy and the dummy helps calm her down, we have tried to hold it off, but her sad face just makes my insides shrink and I think, am I taking the dummy away for my sake or hers? It obviously bothers me to hear her whine and whinge, and part of me hopes that one day she'll start looking for it herself and I let her whine for while, though since she almost never finds it and puts it in her mouth herself I end up after having had her cry/whine/whinge for a while go over and do it for her....
I am worried that this bad habit is never ending, so this was me abandoning my principles, but I'm not sure to what good or bad

(my hubby reads this and looks at me, what happened to you? he says. I used to do this, as a nanny these things are so easy to deal with, no nonsense and it all works out great, maybe I should take a step back, stop letting cries bother me, enjoy the time we have while she's little and stop worrying?)

Hiring a Full-Time Nanny – First Impressions

As with almost all the needs of children, the type of care that you require comes in various phases. When I was pregnant with our daughter, I knew that we would need someone full-time when I returned to work so this person would have a significant influence on our daughter’s life. I remember reaching out through exploring various resources, including nanny agencies (charging a finder’s fee), on-line listing services and local postings. I had a hard time justifying the finder’s fee of the agencies because there never seemed to be a guarantee (or refund) if the sitter quit after just a few months. Given that I’ve hired employees in the past, I also felt confident that I could successfully check references and complete the background check of anyone we would consider.

I didn’t have luck with the listing services, the process just seemed too removed and I was really looking for someone who had a connection, preferably in our neighborhood. So, when I saw a couple of postings at The Red Wagon, our neighborhood children’s store, I followed up on them.

In particular, I recall two interviews. Never having raised an infant, I was really curious to know what the nanny would do with the baby all day. So, I asked that very question. The first nanny prospect said that she would cuddle with the baby. OK, I liked that answer. The second nanny prospect said that even at an early age, a baby can distinguish black and white images and that she would devote time each day to this “play” period. I was really impressed with that answer. It showed initiative, understanding of a baby’s cognitive abilities and a plan to not be a “passive sitter” but to actively engage our daughter. We hired the second nanny who was with our daughter through the age of four.

Childcare Quest

I've started to think of finding the right daycare like finding the right mate.  You don't want to settle, you could compromise on small things, but you know when you definitely have the wrong one.
As a teacher, I obviously head back to school every September, working only part-time over the summer.  We had an almost perfect situation figured out last year, where Sam went to a stay-at-home mom, who had a son three weeks younger.  They grew together, she was gentle, sweet, caring, and it was perfect when he was there 4 days a week.  When we needed him there 5 days a week we realized it was almost impossible financially.  So the search began.
In June, we made a decision, a bilingual home daycare, near my husband's office, diverse children, etc.  The night before I had to start transitioning him, I was in tears, which I rarely am.  After I spent time there with him the next day, I knew it wasn't the right place.  So now we had two weeks to figure this out.  We placed nanny share ads, checked home daycares across Cambridge, Arlington, Somerville, and Medford, and met with more caregivers than I can remember, and considered situations that had him in different locations 3 days a week, driving nannies and children all over neighboring towns.
Sam must have been one confused kid.  We're slowly transitioning him to a place we found, that is good, but not perfect.  I don't want to cry when I leave him there (not usually anyway).  Sam seems happy, very tired, but happy when we pick him up.  Once he learns to nap there, I think we will be okay.

Going through this process I figured could write a personal ad:
Seeking childcare.  Kind, compassionate, sweet, older and experienced.  Like social interactions, enjoy strolls, parks and the outdoors, and walks on the beach.  Need to be local, established, open-minded, and reliable, entertaining, and health conscious.


I see ads and talk to people and wonder if there is something better?  Is there perfect?

Part 3: How to Hire a Nanny

Ooh, tax stuff. It's not sexy, but it's the most important. We'll start with the Federal taxes, as believe it or not, it's the easiest!

• Social Security and Medicare are paid for in two parts - typically half by the employer and half by the employee. You can pay your employee's portion if you'd like. For these purposes, let's assume you're not. Withhold 6.2% of your employees paycheck for Social Security and 1.45% for Medicare (please check the IRS for the latest, as due to the recent economic conditions, the Social Security withholding is slightly less, but I'll use the traditional percentages here). Out of your own pocket, pay 6.2% of your employees wages to Social Security and 1.45% for Medicare. Here's an example using real, simple numbers...If you pay your nanny $100 a week, you'd withhold $6.20 for Social Security and $1.45 for Medicare. You'd pay out of your pocket an additional $6.20 for Social Security and $1.45 for Medicare (this is why the "cost" of a nanny is slightly more than her actual wage...you need to pay some additional money out of your pocket). This money ($15.30) goes to the government. Check out this document for a more clear description of the options.
• FUTA is the Federal Unemployment Tax. You only pay this tax (out of your own pocket) on the first $7,000 in wages. The rate is .08%, but ONLY if you pay your state unemployment taxes on time. So if you pay your state unemployment taxes, you'll only owe about $50-60 to the feds.

And then there is withholding. As household employers, you don't need to withhold taxes, but it probably makes sense. You obviously have to follow your employees wishes. Ask your employee to fill out a W-4. Based on the exemptions, withhold the appropriate amount from the paycheck (find out much to withhold in this document).
And how do you get all this money to the government? It's actually easy. You can pay all at once at the end of the year (and speaking of the end of the year, you'll need to provide your nanny with a W-2 and send the government at W-3 at the end of the year) or paying estimated taxes quarterly. Or you can have the money taken out of YOUR paycheck. For instance, let's say the taxes that you owe for your nanny plus your nanny's withholding is $50 per week. There is a line on the W-4 that says "any additional amount you'd like withheld." You just put $50 in that line. So basically, the money that you owe for your nanny is paid through money taken from YOUR paycheck...sounds complicated, but it's actually easy...and the money gets exactly where it needs to go. It's also easier to budget, as then you're technically "paying" those taxes on a weekly basis instead of one lump sum at the end of the year or in estimated quarterly payments.
As always, I'm not a tax expert...so take everything I say with a grain of salt. This is just to make you feel informed...I'd suggest running everything by an accountant regardless, but if you've read these posts, at least it will be a shorter visit with the accountant!
Next up...state taxes. Then it's all done!

Part 2: How to Hire a Nanny

If you haven't read it yet, check out Part 1 below. Part 2 doesn't necessarily have sequential steps, as they can really be done simultaneously, or in any order you prefer (except where noted). Please note, this is the part in which you become a "business" - it will also make you feel old and important. The documents are linked below, although simply googling the name will bring them up.

• Get a Federal EIN (Employer ID Number). You will need this for a number of forms, so this step you should probably do first. It's easy to get it instantly online...you just need your Social Security Number.
• Ask your nanny to fill out an I-9, which indicates she is legal to work in the US. Make copies of her IDs. Save this in your files.
• Ask your nanny to fill out an M-4 for state withholding and an W-4 for federal withholding. Make note of their deductions, but otherwise, save this in your files.
• Call your insurance agent and get Workers Compensation Insurance for your nanny. It should cost about $250/year.

Next up, determining withholding amounts and paying taxes for your nanny.

Part 1: How to Hire a Nanny

After 9 months at home with my two boys, I decided to go back to work. And since my oldest is in a preschool that he loves and since I wanted to keep them together, I decided to go the nanny route. I want to focus on how to hire a nanny "legally" (in terms of taxes) as there are lots of good resources out there on choosing your nanny...so stay tuned and hopefully this will be helpful for you!

Step 1: Cry, because most of your paycheck will be going to the nanny. But realize, there are lots of advantages for your children. Compare your nanny's paycheck to your first paycheck...and realize that you should have been a nanny.

Step 2: Use sittercity.com, care.com or other sources (like Craig's List) to find a nanny. When creating a job posting on the site, be as specific as possible.

• Include hours, need for a car, and any details on what is expected in terms of household tasks
• Include some information about your kids and what they like to do as well
• Give a range in terms of salary (assume that you will need to pay at least 10% of your nanny's salary in taxes, so if you pay her $15/hr, you'll actually need to budget for $16-17/hr), but leave yourself some wiggle room so you can vary it based on experience
• One helpful tip, include 3-5 questions in your job posting. If candidates do not specifically answer the questions, consider crossing them off the list. If they're not attentive to the details, maybe you should consider someone else. Plus, if you use one of the sites listed above, you'll easily have 60+ candidates (in a matter of days) and need a way to shrink the pool.
• Consider health insurance. Read up on the MA Health Connector site about what you can offer. For nanny's that make less than $32K a year (check the amount, as they change yearly), insurance could cost $150/month or less. For those under 26, there are also affordable plans offered by the state. It's not as overwhelming as you may think (or at least it hasn't been for us so far...but check back with me in a few weeks when everything is finalized!).

Step 3: Choose a handful of candidates to consider. I used the three step process of: phone interview, in-person interview with just me, and then an invite to the house to meet the boys. I started with about 10 phone interviews, 4-5 in-person interviews, and then 2-3 over to meet the boys. The interview process was quite tedious, but important. It took about a week to 10 days.

Step 4: This may overlap with Step 3, depending on your comfort level. Check references and get background checks. I used the background checks provided by sittercity.com, but based on my nanny's previous employment, I trusted that she had passed more significant background checks. Obviously, the length of time it takes to complete this step varies.

Step 5: Make your offer, hire your nanny, and create a contract (google "nanny contracts" and lots of samples will come up). Start familiarizing yourself with the requirements of becoming an employer. Here is some reading:

• MA Guide for Household Employers
• Federal Guide for Household Employers

Stay tuned for more!