Playground Etiquette

Related to the topic below, we've had a few incidents at local playgrounds lately that I'm not sure how to handle.  My husband and I have been discussing it, but input from others would be great.  We currently go to playgrounds daily, sometimes twice a day if it's a cool day.  A few times Sam has been pushed out of the way by an older child who wants to play with the same toy.  Usually the caretaker swoops in and deals with the situation appropriately, but on occasion mom is busy talking, watching a sibling, or no where in sight.

Last week we were in a busy Davis Square playground with our stroller parked next to a picnic bench while Sam took a water break.  A little boy who looked like he was about three came by and stroller-jacked our stroller.  His mom happened to be sitting at the table.  At first he just did circles and I let it go since we were right there.  Then he started to walk away with it, with my diaper bag, phones, keys, etc, in it.  Sam started to get upset reaching for it and I was waiting for mom to ask him to stop.  She carried on her conversation ignoring the situation.  I asked him politely to return with it, he kept going.  I put Sam down and went over to him and asked him again.  By now he was far enough away that I had was not comfortable with him going any further, or with leaving Sam.  Mom continued talking and Sam is now about to cry, the kid is breaking into a run.  Finally I reached out took the stroller back and told him it was not his.  He stomped his feet at me, said something unintelligible and ran off.

Yesterday at another playground, two little boys from the same family physically moved Sam to get into Little Tike cars that he was using.  One slid in behind him, pushing him, as he was climbing into it.  Mom was on her cell phone turned away.  The first time I told the older brother that Sam had been using it and he had to wait his turn.  He looked at me, said, "no," and took off.  The second time Sam started wailing and the little boy also took off in it.  Other moms and dads saw the situation, but not cell-phone mom.  My husband told me I should have taken the boy out of the car, and explained it was not his turn, which I do not feel comfortable doing.  I'm trying to decide how I would feel if an adult removed Sam from something?

I'm a teacher, I deal with behavior all day long.  I give consequences, sort out what is "fair," and give positive reinforcement.  I try to do the same with my son.  After these things happen, I explain to Sam that the other children are not doing the right thing, but all he knows is they have what he was playing with and wanted.

I know at some point (soon as he is starting group daycare in a few weeks), he will come across this a lot more and for the rest of his life.  Meanwhile, how do I deal with non-observant parents and children who aren't behaving?

Limit Setting - with the Moms!

So my neighbor, we'll call her "Mimi," related a story of a playdate she had recently: Two or three other moms were over with their 3-year-olds. One, "Luke," became interested in a set of toy soldiers that Mimi had been keeping together in the box until her own 3-year-old was old enough to play with them properly.

Luke wanted to open the box, so Mimi opened the box against her better judgement. Luke played with the toys and when it was time to go home, he wanted to bring one soldier with him. Mimi wasn't very happy about breaking up the set, but Luke's mom said, "Can't he just bring it home with him?" Apparently, the other moms all laughed at Mimi not wanting to let Luke take the toy, and so Mimi just let Luke bring the toy back home with him, presumably never to be seen again.

So what do you think about all this?

Since I didn't really say anything to Mimi at the time (what could I say?), I will sound off here. Me, I think it is crazy.

Obviously, Luke's mom thought she was good enough friends with Mimi to ask to bring the toy soldier home, and she was clearly hoping to avoid a tantrum from Luke.

But it sounds like a classic case of bullying - on Luke's mom's part! Bullies know they can get their way because polite people, like Mimi, won't cause a scene or protest more than a tiny bit. And what was up with the other moms, who didn't just keep their mouths shut and stay out of the discussion, but actively mocked Mimi?

Finally, and I really do hate to comment on how other people raise their kids (because I wouldn't be interested in anyone's commentary on how I raise my kids), but isn't there an issue here about setting limits? Shouldn't she have told Luke, "No, it's time to go now, and this toy belongs to your friend so say goodbye to it"?

Okay I wasn't there, so I can't say exactly what happened (and I've changed a couple of details for this post). But all in all, I think it was a terrible lesson for little Luke, all the children, and even the moms too.

What do you think?