Acting a Fool!

I was just in the bedroom playing with Val on the floor. She stood up and walked over to my side, put her hand on my shoulder and said "it's ok Mommy," and then leaned in and gave me a huge hug and a  kiss...and then another kiss and an even bigger hug. My heart melted. This is one of the many "bits" she does that gets me to smile ear to ear and be thankful that I have such an amazing child.

She made up a knock knock joke that she loves to tell everyone she meets:

Val: Knock, knock, who dare?
Me: Who's there?
Val: Donut
Me: Donut, who?
Val: Donut Chicken!!!

It kills every time.

You can't see it but her shirt says
T is for Trouble.

She is loving, she is funny, she is fearless and just perfect...90% of the time.

With M, who will be 5 in December, we were lucky to never experience the terrible twos. She was honestly a little angel. Sure there was some 'tude here and there, but never a big fit. Those actually didn't come until the mid-4s (so fairly recently). With Val, it is a whole different ballgame. This kid is already giving me a run for my money and she just turned two in August.

We recently began experiencing major fits in public places. Last weekend we were at a museum and she actually laid down in the middle of a crowded area and screamed bloody murder while flailing her legs and arms around. My husband and I, who are new to this type of behavior, couldn't help but laugh and look at each other like, "should we pick her up? Should we let her work it out? Did a demon possess our child in the play kitchen area?" Ultimately I grabbed her by the waist, trying to avoid getting punched or kicked and removed her to a different location and calmed her down.

This morning she was totally content running errands with me, until we got to the fabric store. I don't know what set her off but as soon as we entered the fabric store she started in with "No! I want Daddy! I want to go see Daddy at work!" She refused to move from the entrance area, so I once again had to pick her up by the waist and carry her screaming with me through the store - this time though she was giving me what I call the "stiff body" and tensing her whole body. I ended up just planting her down a few feet away from me while she kept screaming "I can't! No! I can't!" and tried to listen to the overly sweet woman explain to me how I figure out which fabrics can be used as napkins for M's school. I still do not know which fabrics are suitable as five minutes into the store I had to once again pick up 'Ole Stiff Body McGee and carry her out of the store, where she immediately calmed down.

At home we are dealing with things like hitting her sister, or hitting the pooch. Val likes to steal whatever M is playing with, then play nice and offer the toy to M and say "here you go M!" only to run away with said toy in her hand at the last minute, while cackling her little evil laugh. I'm not going to lie, this I think is hysterical.

Val is also a runner. By runner I mean that she likes to bolt whenever you put her down. She will run away from me at grocery stores (I actually have to use the safety straps on the cart), when we are walking the dog (I now put her in the Ergo on my back to stop this) and her latest favorite place to run away from me is the parking garage in our building. She about gave me a heart attack last night when we returned home and I got her out of the seat, went to lock the car (she usually stands there and helps me lock the car) and out of the corner of my eye I see her running away from the car. I scream her name but of course this just makes her laugh and run faster. This kid!!!

It used to be that being tired or hungry set her off, but now it seems to be anything and everything can flip her switch and make her "act a fool," as I like to say. This behavior even further solidifies our decision to only have two kids. Serenity now!!!

To M Every Day Is Opposite Day

As we approach M's third birthday in December, I look back on this past year and can't help but say we have gotten off pretty easy as far as the "terrible twos" are concerned. Sure there was a fit here and there, and lots of drama (she likes to look at her reflection in any surface and pretend she is crying - I mean even door knobs for crying out loud), but over all we have been blessed with a pretty mild mannered, polite, cool kid. I have heard from other parents that it isn't actually two that is terrible, but the age of three when the horns come out. Slowly but surely I am starting to see a sublet change in M's behavior here and there that makes me think her next year of life is going to be a adventurous one.

Lately I feel like every day is opposite day in her little head....

Last night she was constantly banging her fork on the glass table during dinner so I say, "don't bang your fork on the table sweetie, you are hurting the table and that isn't nice."

In her head I imagine she heard "Bang that fork on the table - and bang it as loudly as you possibly can! Momma would love it if you put scratches in the table!"

Of course the behavior continued after I told her again to stop, in my serious parent voice this time.

And in her head this time she heard, "oh you want me to throw the fork at you? That sounds like fun! Let me bang it two more times before I chuck this silver fork at your face!"

And said fork came flying in my direction, which of course outraged my husband and turned him into mad daddy, which scares the junk out of M. This seems to be the only way to stop M from doing what we ask her repeatedly to stop doing though.

Don't hit mommy!

What, you want me to hit you? Harder this time? Maybe some scratching too?

Pick up your paper dolls before you get out the letters.

Oh you want me to make an even bigger mess? I will just pour these letters all over the ground and then walk through my paper dolls to make them go all over the place.

Let's go into your room to get ready for bed...

Oh so it is ok that I run down the hallway to your room and jump on your bed? Sweet!

No you cannot go outside, it is cold and dark out.

What was that? (As she backs out the sliding door in slow motion, while grinning at me from ear to ear) It is ok to go outside? Without shoes on? In my pajamas?

Don't run with food in your mouth. Chew, swallow and then you can run...

Oh so I should shove more food in my mouth and take off running at full speed without chewing? Gotcha!!

And so goes every day here in Mama J's household. I should start trying a little bit of reverse psychology on this kid!! I can't imagine what she is going to be like when she is a teenager. That is when we send her to live with her grandparents.

Houston, we have a hitter...again

I've mentioned quite a few times on the blog about how lucky we are when it comes to M and not really having "terrible twos"...yet. There have been the occasional fits and tantrums here and there, but nothing lasts more than a few seconds. She does like to whine a lot though, and has developed somewhat of a little diva attitude as of late. Here is how things usually go when M doesn't get her way now:

M: I wanna watch something on the big tv Mama (with big smile on her face)
Mama J: Maybe later, let's go outside and play.
M: I wanna watch something on the big tv! (getting louder and higher pitched)
Mama J: No, now it is time to play outside. We will watch later.
M: I wanna watch now! (body starts to stiffen, fists are clenched)
Mama J: Let's go outside and do something fun!
M: WHEEENNNNNHHHHHH@)($*@!#(#$*#()!!!! (the only way I can describe that blood curdling, ear-piercing most annoying sound on the planet that is my daughter's whining)
SMACK!

I would actually be ok with this behavior if it wasn't followed by her hitting me. I understand she is 2.5, and she doesn't understand why she can't always get her way, but I cannot handle her hitting me. She started doing this around the time she turned 2 last year, but it only lasted a few days and went away. Well, it is back with a vengeance.

She gets herself so worked up when she doesn't get her way that her arms immediately flail in my direction and most of the time make contact with my head. If I am not close she will hit whatever is closest to her, while continuing to make that horrendous high pitched whine noise.

And what is my reaction to all of this nonsense? You name it, I have tried it.

I have ignored it.
I have grabbed her arm.
I have told her No Hitting!
I have grabbed her arm and told her No Hitting!
I have walked away from her.
I have asked her father to deal with her.
I have growled at her. (I do this when the dog is driving me insane and it works, so I figured why not give it a try)
I have told her it is not nice to hit!
I have told her she is being mean to Mommy.
I have even called her names - she is scared of the Mother Goethel character in Tangled so I have even said "you are being mean, just like Mother Goethel! Don't be mean!"
I have even hit her back.

Yes, I am not proud of admitting I hit her back. It was just a light smack on her hand, but it did make her cry because it was so unexpected. I of course apologized right away and we hugged it out - not my best parenting moment so far.

But this behavior continues today, and I don't know what to do about it. I am scared that when she starts her summer school program next month that she is going to hit another kid in her class, or worse a teacher! I don't want my kid to be the hitter!

Does anyone have experience with this? And can you please tell me there is some magical spell I can cast while she is sleeping tonight that will immediately stop this behavior!!

IS 3 REALLY BETTER THAN 2?

My twins are now an energetic 2 ½ years old! Overall, they are pretty well behaved, but I am not embarrassed to admit that they have their “moments” and those moments are definitely the terrible 2s. I know that these moments are a typical part of their development – understanding their limits, exerting their newfound independence, etc. – but they can just be utter chaos and throw your best laid plans for a loop.

For example, we were on vacation on the West Coast and we went out to dinner and all of a sudden Twin B had a major meltdown. We couldn’t understand it! We were at a restaurant that catered to kids, complete with a play area! Furthermore, Twin B loves to eat, loves restaurants, so this was certainly a surprise. My husband and I looked at each other, silently begging the other to take over. I lost that battle and took our son to the car to finish his meltdown, and when he was calmer, discuss appropriate restaurant behavior; all the while, mourning my delicious dinner and chilled glass of pinot gris.

At the time, we were with family and they assured us that the 3s were much better – you could reason with them, they understand better – but I think they were also secretly reveling in the fact that it was not their child who was out of control!

So, Mamas, what are your thoughts? Are the 3s really better than the 2s?

Il faut faire le point, maman…

The French have garnered some parenting interest lately thanks to the book Bringing up Bébé.  But I am not here to defend or critique  that book—smarter and better writers than I have tackled that hoopla.  Rather, this week, my internal Francophile has been musing over a great French expression, faire le point. It has a number of meanings: finding one’s bearings, re-setting your compass, or taking stock of the situation at hand. 

Ever have one of those weeks where you feel like you got up on the wrong side of the bed, day after day after day?  When everything seems to get on your nerves? Waiting for the guy at the coffee counter who is more interested in flirting with customers than serving coffee…the lady in the fur coat in front of me at the grocery store fishing for that 24 cents of exact change in her enormous fanny pack (incongruous image, I know), the coffee leaking from that “spill-proof" mug into my overstuffed shopping bag…those little moments test my patience.

We all have those not-on-the-ball kinds of days, weeks, or god forbid, months.  But combined with a willful independent-minded 2 ½ year-old toddler, and it can be combustible.  Such was last week with my son.  Imagine: lots of throwing toys around, tackling his baby sister, and general misbehaving to get my attention. Already grouchy, I found myself at a loose end more than once, trying to keep it together for the both of us.  Not my finest hours of parenting. As I tried to take a deep breath during one difficult moment, I found myself thinking, Il faut faire le point.

I gave myself a time-out to get some perspective.  First, a little rant via email and voicemail to my two closest friends—both have young children and were able to give some reassurance: “Throwing and hitting aren’t acceptable. It’s good you are setting some limits,” and “It’s ok to be mad at your kid sometimes. We’re only human.” 

I also turned to some good old-fashioned bibliotherapy.  I took advantage of a couple of rare free hours in the afternoon midweek to go to a coffee shop, drink a latte, and read a little of “Positive Discipline” which helped me to find those bearings again. One of the phrases I thought was especially helpful was the guiding principle of being “kind and firm” with our budding preschooler. 

Not to say that we didn’t have more bumps in the road after that self-imposed time-out.  We muddled through a couple of more challenging situations, but also I tried out some new strategies, and slowly I am getting out of that rut I was in. My time-out was kind and firm to myself, which has translated to my being more kind and firm with my toddler.

The French have it right: Sometimes we gotta faire le point.

Dr. Jekyl and Miss M: The Never Ending Teething Story or The Terrible Twos?

Throughout my upbringing my mom would tell me about the "fits" I used to have a toddler. They got so bad sometimes that I would hold my breath and my face would turn bright red, and once she even splashed water in my face to calm me down (really mom??). She would then feel my head and look for my "horns" as I was turning into the devil...always nice to hear about yourself! Constantly my mom would say to me "I hope you have one just like you someday!" While I don't think I am at the "feeling for horns" part of M's life right now, I do see signs of of the terrible twos popping up here and there. Or do I? Could this behavior be blamed on the never ending teething?? Oppressive heat? Going away every weekend and sleeping in strange places? Or our weird nap schedule as of late?

All of the sudden my sweet baby girl has an attitude. If she doesn't get what she wants, when she wants it, there will immediately be a VERY high pitched scream, followed by some fake crying. Most of the time this happens when she wants to watch Toy Story on either the iPad of the TV (see my previous post about our obsession with WOOOODDDDDYYYYY). I refuse to have my child sit in front of a screen all day so when I say "No Woody" the screams begin and out comes the 'tude.

Or if we are coloring and she doesn't want to color anymore and asks to "wok?" (which means walk) and I say "no we are coloring right now" she will throw a crayon. Most of the time at me. This I have no patience for, but how do I reason with a 19 month old?

If she wants to go outside but I need to put her shoes on, or she will burn her feet on the deck, and it takes 10 seconds more, there is screaming involved. When we get outside, she will whine and say "inside!" when we get inside she will whine and walk to the front door and say "outside!" I cannot win with this little one.

If she is done with her food, she wants it immediately removed from her tray, or she will start the whining and throw it on the floor. If it isn't what she wants (who the hell knows what she wants?!) she will do the same thing.

If I give in and let her sit and watch Wuuuddy she will look up at me with her giant blue eyes and say "Hi Mama!" with this big grin on her face, or lean over and rest her head on my arm, or put her arm on my leg and lean into me - and I melt! I am such a sucker for this little girl!!

If we are around friends she is a sweetheart. If we are around strangers, out shopping or in the park - you can guarantee that she will start the whining and fake crying about something.

90% of the day she is a little angel, but this new 10% of jerkdom is driving me crazy. I don't have the patience for the screaming and whining and fake crying to get her way so most of the time I just say "stop screaming" or "stop the madness M!" and try to distract her with something else. Is this what I should be doing?

I used to blame all of this behavior on teething, which for the last week has been in full affect. She is getting her eye teeth in right now and they seem to be causing more pain than any of her other teeth (including her molars) as she is constantly chewing on anything and everything. Could this fussiness be blamed on teething?

Her nap schedule has been all out of whack lately too. When we go away she will take two naps because we are constantly on the go and she is exhausted. When we get home I do my best to get her to sleep just once during the day, but with her wake up time being anywhere from 5 to 5:30 AM it is hard to get her to stay awake past 10 AM. Sometimes that is unavoidable, and those days usually result in Mama having a drink right after M is in bed that night.

I know the terrible twos can start as early as 15 months, and if this behavior is a sign of that, I am totally fine with it, as like I said for the most part she is wonderful. But if this drama will be cropping up more often in the near future, I will seriously need to call in the reserves...which means the pooch will be watching her while I go out for a pedicure...kidding of course...maybe.