Il faut faire le point, maman…

The French have garnered some parenting interest lately thanks to the book Bringing up Bébé.  But I am not here to defend or critique  that book—smarter and better writers than I have tackled that hoopla.  Rather, this week, my internal Francophile has been musing over a great French expression, faire le point. It has a number of meanings: finding one’s bearings, re-setting your compass, or taking stock of the situation at hand. 

Ever have one of those weeks where you feel like you got up on the wrong side of the bed, day after day after day?  When everything seems to get on your nerves? Waiting for the guy at the coffee counter who is more interested in flirting with customers than serving coffee…the lady in the fur coat in front of me at the grocery store fishing for that 24 cents of exact change in her enormous fanny pack (incongruous image, I know), the coffee leaking from that “spill-proof" mug into my overstuffed shopping bag…those little moments test my patience.

We all have those not-on-the-ball kinds of days, weeks, or god forbid, months.  But combined with a willful independent-minded 2 ½ year-old toddler, and it can be combustible.  Such was last week with my son.  Imagine: lots of throwing toys around, tackling his baby sister, and general misbehaving to get my attention. Already grouchy, I found myself at a loose end more than once, trying to keep it together for the both of us.  Not my finest hours of parenting. As I tried to take a deep breath during one difficult moment, I found myself thinking, Il faut faire le point.

I gave myself a time-out to get some perspective.  First, a little rant via email and voicemail to my two closest friends—both have young children and were able to give some reassurance: “Throwing and hitting aren’t acceptable. It’s good you are setting some limits,” and “It’s ok to be mad at your kid sometimes. We’re only human.” 

I also turned to some good old-fashioned bibliotherapy.  I took advantage of a couple of rare free hours in the afternoon midweek to go to a coffee shop, drink a latte, and read a little of “Positive Discipline” which helped me to find those bearings again. One of the phrases I thought was especially helpful was the guiding principle of being “kind and firm” with our budding preschooler. 

Not to say that we didn’t have more bumps in the road after that self-imposed time-out.  We muddled through a couple of more challenging situations, but also I tried out some new strategies, and slowly I am getting out of that rut I was in. My time-out was kind and firm to myself, which has translated to my being more kind and firm with my toddler.

The French have it right: Sometimes we gotta faire le point.

Work At Home Mama

I had a typical weekday morning today: got the kids up and ready with my husband, started breakfast together, said bye to daddy with a send-off kiss to work. Fed my daughter breakfast while our son played “kitchen” and made us cupcakes and oatmeal.  Once our nanny arrived, my son had a meltdown about going to preschool—a combination of wanting to watch more Elmo on my iPhone, to play with mama at home, and still feeling under the weather.  After about 10 minutes of tears, somehow we recovered, and I hauled him in the stroller to preschool, dropped him off, rushed home to nurse my daughter and put her down for her nap, pumped the next feeding, changed into my work clothes, gave our nanny instructions for the morning, and left for a work meeting. All before 930am.

This has been roughly my routine give or take for the last six months, a combination of the day-to-day caring for our children while juggling work meetings and projects from home. I have it pretty good, the right combination for me of being present for my children while still maintaining the most stimulating parts of my career. Having our nanny really helps me to take time to work, and also gives me a break from full-time parenting. 

Once someone told me, "You are so lucky that your career allows you to be able to work part-time." Well, it isn't always easy, nor was it simply luck.  Perhaps not all careers are amenable to part-time, but neither was mine initially. I carefully chose parts of my career that could translate to part-time, and put other parts on hold for now.  My husband and I discussed our family priorities and did some prudent financial planning; I negotiated my work terms with my boss. And when I sit down to work every day, I work hard.  What I do feel is gratitude that I can make this arrangement work for our family.

I jokingly said to someone recently that I was a “Work At Home Mom” without really thinking about it. In my usual three-steps behind fashion, I later googled the term out of curiosity, and found a whole WAHM community out there.  There was even a Wikipedia entry about it, and a magazine for WAHM.

Then I started thinking more about the idea of work, and realized, doesn’t this term miss the point?  Don’t all parents, all mamas work?  Those “SAHM,” they are working in the home. And those “Work Outside The Home” moms are also working in the home too. However joyful parenting is, let’s just lay it out there: it is also work. Hard work.  So really, aren’t we all WAHM?  But more importantly, don’t these designations miss the point?  Don’t they instead aid to heighten the “mommy wars” among those who have decided to spend their time differently, either inside or outside the home? 

There is so much judgment about motherhood these days.  What is best for your kids?  For you to stay at home? To work outside the home part-time? Full-time?  I have heard an earful from all sides in my relatively short time as a mama.  Oh the pressure, and oh, the guilt.  And it irritates me to hear the pointed, back-stabbing comments women make about each other’s choices.  

Shouldn't we be instead supportive of our fellow mothers, each forging their own paths to modern motherhood?  Sure, we each have our opinions about what is best—but the key here is, what is best for ourselves, and best for our individual families.  A very close friend of mine asked me the other day if I felt I had gotten it “right” somehow.  I told her I thought that, more than the nitty-gritty details of what I do on a given day, what I had “right” in my life was the freedom to choose those details.  Plenty of parents don’t have that choice, for a myriad of reasons.  

For me, having a choice--well, that is luxury. Because I truly believe that for our family, what works is having a contented mama. That ultimately translates into a contented family.

Updated: Stir-crazy? Yea, me too.

I, Mama J, figured I would add to Mama Q's list, rather than starting a new post! See my suggestions/activities listed in purple...

As you have probably noticed, there's been a good deal of snow this year. Add in the days with subzero temperatures, and you've got a recipe for Cabin Fever. Before having Baby, I was a classroom teacher and I somehow managed to keep 20 kids busy for 6-7 hours a day. Yet, after a few hours inside with one tot, I'm counting down the minutes to Curious George's debut on PBS. So, for readers' sake (and my own sanity), let's make a list of things to do to keep from going stir-crazy. Add on ANYTHING you can think of that will keep the under 2 crowd busy for 10 minutes or more.

1. Water play: fill a Rubbermaid bin or similar container with water, add in bath toys & cups, spread towels around
2. Finger paint: Slide a piece of white paper into a large ziplock bag, squirt temper paint into the bag, seal and give to baby to squish/squeeze
3. Shakers: Fill [hard to open] containers with dry rice, pasta, salt, flour, water, etc. and let baby shake to see how the sounds differ. Trying to get these open will also keep baby busy
4. Sponge paint: Give baby wet sponges to use on colored construction paper (no paint needed). If Baby eats paper (as mine does), tape it to the fridge
5. Video chat: Call your partner, parent, grandparent, or friend at work/home and chat for 10 minutes. Baby (and you) will be excited to see a new face.
6. Play in the cabinets: Open up the lower cabinets and have pots, pans, tupperwares, etc that Baby can play with safely
7. Walk around the block: Bundle up and walk around your block. Use the ergo/bjorn if the sidewalks aren't shoveled. Even 5 minutes of fresh air can make a difference. And you'll kill 30 min with all the time it takes to bundle Baby up.
8. Play with boxes: If you live in the city, you probably get stuff delivered. Diapers.com boxes are great for painting, coloring, tearing, building, or filling with balls ($10-$15 at Target) and putting Baby inside.
9. Dance party: Start a new Pandora station with the band "Bon Jovi" and dance through at least 3 songs. You'll kill time, burn calories, and if you dance like I do, your kid will get some good laughs
10. Play date: Chances are your friends and neighbors are itching for some contact with the outside world too, so give someone a call. Being bored together is much more fun than being bored alone.
11. Play with food: Put a squirt or spoonful of baby food onto your child's high chair table and let them finger paint withit
12. Empty Mama's Purse/Wallet: I let Marlo sit with my diaper bag/purse/wallet and empty everything onto the floor. Always something fun in there that keeps her attention for a while. 
13. Bother the Pooch: When we are really desperate we walk over to Ellie, our dog, and pet her or rub her belly. Doesn't kill much, time but it is something to do!
14. Play with DVD boxes: I have our dvds all lined up in a cabinet that is within her reach, so I let her pull them off the shelf and play with them on the floor. For some reason she loves doing this. 
15. Tissue Paper Collage: Buy some contact paper (the one that says it is very sticky, not the one for covering books that you can remove) and some tissue paper in assorted colors. Tape a piece of the contact paper, sticky side out, to the wall, or a table and let your kid stick pieces of the tissue to the sticky paper (also works with magazines)
16. Tear up magazines: For some reason my dog and my daughter love to tear up anything made of paper (tissues, mail, receipts, etc.). Since I get so many magazines I will let her sit there and tear them up, and listen to her squeal with joy as she does it. 
17. Parachute Duvet: We have a big fluffy duvet on our bed, so we sit at one end and pretend it is a parachute like we use in class and sing songs (well, I sing) and lift it up and down. This is a big favorite. 
18. Take a bath: Most days we are stuck inside I fill up my big tub in my bathroom and put body wash in it so it bubbles up and I get in with her and play with the bubbles. 
19. Play on Mama's iPad: download some kid friendly apps to your phone/ipad and let them enjoy! (see previous posts about favorite applications for kids)
20. Build a tent: just like you did when you were a kid...get a blanket, some chairs or a table and build your best tent. Bring toys under it and have good times!!


What have you been doing to keep busy? Help us build this list, there's another foot of snow on the way...

Confessions of a (Sometimes) Stay at Home Mom

I consider myself lucky. Between my fourteen week maternity leave and teacher's schedule I spent almost six months at home with Baby C, while receiving a paycheck and benefits all the while. As a part-time Stay at Home Mom, I have a perfect balance between my family and my career, a difficult balance to strike for many women.

Now that summer is here, I have two and a half months to enjoy time at home with Baby. I sleep an extra half hour every morning. No longer do our mornings resemble a three ring circus gone haywire. I am able to eat breakfast with C at our kitchen table, rather than scarf an English muffin in the car, desperately trying to avoid spilling jam on my work clothes. I watch Baby C learn new things every day. Last week, she learned to snap her fingers. Yesterday, she said our puppy's name. We spend our days playing and taking walks. In the evening, I have time to make a fresh, nutritious dinner, rather than microwave a depressing plate of three day old lasagna. I do not need to prepare lunch for the next workday, or make a million bottles for Baby to bring to Nana's house. My house never looked cleaner. Our refrigerator is stocked. I am home. I am lucky.

But sometimes, I get an itch. An I-Am-Not-Busy-Enough itch. Sometimes, while watching Baby C play with blocks for hours on end, I wonder "Isn't she bored of blocks? Because I am." Sometimes, I concoct pointless errands as an excuse to leave the house. "Husband's one shirt looks a little bit wrinkled in back! Quick, to the dry cleaner!" While walking through our neighborhood, I hope to run into other Stay at Home Moms and make friends, but the streets and sidewalks are empty. Then I remember, most people are working.

When I feel desperate for adult interaction, I reach out to my Stay at Home Mom friends who live in nearby towns. Most of my Stay at Home Mom friends schedule so many activities into their weeks (baby yoga classes, swimming lessons, baby sign language, and on and on), they do not have time for a casual lunch or walk. Last night, I asked one of my Stay at Home Mom friends if she wanted to meet on Friday. Her response, "We have so many classes, how about July 27th?" I am serious. I suspect the over-scheduled baby is due to Stay at Home Moms' need for adult contact, rather than to truly enrich their baby's development. At least Baby C and I have swim lessons beginning in August.

I expect the beginning of the school year will bring feelings of depression and a longing for more time at home. However, I also know I need to work. I crave time with adults, away from all things baby, just for part of the day. I am not ungrateful for my time at home. I am not a bad mother. I love spending time with my daughter. But, this stint as a Stay at Home Mom makes me realize I could not do this all day, every day. I hugely respect moms that can. As for me, I am just a Part-Time Stay at Home Mom.

Sick of sickness

So my 13 month old daughter has her one billionth cold right now. Nothing serious – runny nose, slight cough, - oh yeah – and disrupted sleep. There is lots of talk out there about why it is “good” for kids to get sick. Mainly the conventional wisdom says that it helps them build up their immunities for later in life. If they don’t get sick now, they will get sick later. It makes sense to me right now, in the middle of the day, when I am sitting at my computer with a cup of coffee. It makes less sense to me, however, at 4:30 in the morning when I am trying to soothe my sad, sniffly daughter back to sleep for the third time that night. But whether it is actually good in the long run or not, the fact of the matter is that your child will get sick, and will probably get sick with some frequency in the first few years of his/her life.

Since there really is no way to avoid the common colds for these little ones, what can you do about it? If, like me, your child is in daycare, or you bring your child out to the children’s museum, the museum of science, playdates, or really outside for any reason – then your child will get sick so the question isn’t so much how to avoid the cold, but what to do about it when it happens.

I have found a few things that seem to help diminish the severity of the cold:

First – saline drops. My daughter screams her head off every time I try to get them into her. For the first few colds, I just quit doing it because I felt like I was torturing her, but after a few lengthy colds, I discovered that it really does help with the runny nose and it especially helps to keep a runny nose from turning into chest congestion. One suggestion – the doctor’s office has small, single dose saline droppers that they use (sort of like sample droppers). These are MUCH easier to get into a little nose than the giant “infant saline” droppers that you pick up at the store. Next time you have an appointment, whether your child is sick or not, ask for a couple of these sample droppers.

Also – hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. In addition to milk, I give my daughter tons of water, chicken broth in a sippy cup, and sometimes some watered down OJ. The more she pees, the quicker she recovers.

Lastly, I have found that boggie wipes which are just wipes soaked in saline, make nose wiping much more tolerable for my daughter than just using a tissue. If you don’t have boogie wipes, a warm wet paper towel works just as well.

Can't Live Without: Month One of Motherhood

As I was getting ready for bed tonight, I was frantically searching through a pile of clean laundry (that was on my not so clean floor waiting to be folded and at some point put away) for one of my Medela Nursing Sleep Bras. Due to the ginormous size of my boobs, and the over abundance of milk I produce (I am talking I could feed the entire Gosselin clan with these puppies), I have to keep them on lock down when I sleep at night, and the only thing I have found to be comfortable are the Medela sleep bras. After finding one that had become attached to the velcro tab of one of Marlo's sleepsacks, I thought to myself how I have come to rely on certain items the past 4 weeks and this led me to this post. I figured I should share with my other Mamas out there the things that I have found that I cant live without anymore (no longer is it my 5 inch Michael Kors heels and evening glass of red wine - ah how times have changed) in no particular order I should add:

1. Medela Sleep Bras: I mentioned it before, but I feel like I need to say it again - my boobs are huge. I can pump 2-3 ounces out of each boob every 3 hours, if that gives you any idea as to my milk production. But with this bountiful supply comes bountiful bosoms. BB (before baby) I liked my 36 small D boobs, and I liked to free them from their underwire cages when I went to bed at night. Those days are gone. Not only do I need something to put my breast pads (so that I don't leak through to my shirt) in, but I need something to keep them supported because otherwise I am in pain. Enter the Medela Sleep Bra. At $19.99 you can't go wrong with this sports bra-ish bra. I say "ish" because it doesn't have anywhere near the support of a sports bra, but it just looks like one. It is very thin and soft, and does the job I need it to do, without cutting into my boobs like most nursing bras do. I don't even feel it on when I sleep, which is what I was most looking for in a sleeping bra.
2. First Years Milk Storage Organizer: As I just mentioned, I am "Moo-tilda" so I need some place to store my excess. This organizer does just that. Keeps the bags of milk flat and upright, and doesn't take up too much room in the freezer. As for bags I love the Medela ones that attach to the pump, but they are pricey so I switched to these byLansinoh.
3. APNO: Better known as All Purpose Nipple Ointment, this prescribed ointment is like the La Mer of nipple creams. At $75 for approximately 3 ounces, this turned pumping around for me. I had yeast build up in my nipples (I know TMI) that was making them red and irritated and making feeding and pumping terribly painful. My Lactation Consultant called in a prescription (with doctor approval) for this wonder cream and away the infection went. I use it after each pumping and feeding and it makes everything soft and pain-free. I am not sure if the cost is due to my crappy insurance or not, but I do know that each batch is hand made when you order it, so that might have something to do with it. Either way, it is worth EVERY penny.
4. Carter's baby clothing: When I found out I was pregnant I went out and bought a bunch of baby girl clothes: short sleeved onesies, little dresses, and other impractical things for a newborn, but what the hell did I know! For the past 4 weeks, my daughter has lived in Carter's baby clothing. Especially the one pieces with the feet. Her little feet are too small for any socks, so these are perfect. Plus, it is 20 degrees outside! What was I thinking with the short sleeves? You can always find these on sale somewhere, be it Babies R Us, Target, JC Penny, Kohls or you can visit there fabulous outlet store in Wrentham. They are cheap, they wash up just fine, and you don't mind if your baby spits up on them, unlike the Ralph Lauren clothing she has hanging in her closet that she will most likely not wear while she fits them. So much for my fancy baby!
5. Things we stole from the hospital: OK, so we didn't steal all of these, they offer them to you, but I think we took more than alloted...and thank god! The first item is the white asymmetrical tops they put on your baby. For the first week or so at home, Marlo lived in these (whether solo or under Carter's gear)- wrapped in my second favorite item, the hospital blanket. My husband was obsessed with these for some reason, so we have about 15 of them. They are perfect for swaddling your little one before they can fit into any swaddling sacks. And finally the Nasal Aspirator Bulb-thing. I lived with this by my side for the first two weeks Marlo was at home (I got sick, therefore she was sick too and you can't blow a babies nose!). That was, until my dog got ahold of it and chewed off the pointy end (I should say she did this the two we brought home from the hospital). It is terribly gross, but so satisfying to suck out baby snot. HA! I have yet to find one of that size and quality in stores, so if you can get your hands on one, put it in a safe place!
6. My iPhone and holder: It gets lonely and boring to pump in the nursery for 15 minutes 8 times a day. My iPhone has become my new best friend. I just place it in the trusty holder (which about two years ago I was planning to invent and become a millionaire, but little did I know someone beat me to it), and hook it on my glider and play one of the many games I have on there (Scrablle, WordWorm, and Monopoly as of late). I have also loaded it up with a fabulous mix of songs (Disney, Rock Lullabies, some Indigo Girls, Ray LaMontange, Ella Fitzgerald, and instrumental music from movies) and put it on speaker while I am rocking the little peanut to sleep.
7. My Dutalier Glider: This was one of many very generous gifts from my parents, and has certainly been put to good use. We feed Marlo at night in this, we rock her to sleep, I pump while sitting in it, and I even take naps in it sometimes. We got the one with the highest back and widest seat to accommodate my large bum and my husbands crazy long body. Some people say you don't need one of these, but it has been a blessing to have.
8. DVR: I took a 3 hour long nap yesterday at 3 PM, and could have easily slept until this morning. Needless to say I don't stay up and watch tv like I used to - I don't even stay up to watch the 7:30 Jeopardy some nights. So I thank God for my DVR, and thank God that episodes will be new again this week!
9. SKYPE: I put Skype on my computer years ago so that we could talk to my sister-in-law and her family in Spain. Other than that yearly phone call, we never used it, until Marlo came. For Christmas I gave my grandmothers webcams (one is in Dayton, the other in Denver), and got them set up on SKYPE so that they could "meet" Marlo. My parents have it at their house in Florida now...we can chat with my brother-in-law and his family in New Jersey, and my father-in-law in upstate New York. While none of our family lives within a 4 hour drive, they are now in our living room whenever we want! For free! Who would have thought my 86 year old grandma would live to see the day when she would meet her great granddaughter via a camera on a computer. It is just like Horizons at Epcot!!!
10. My Husband: I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I am the luckiest woman on the planet as I married the best man alive. I kid you not. Despite having to be told on occasion that it is OK to buy your wife flowers (even if she says she doesn't want anything for her birthday or Valentine's Day), he is seriously the perfect husband. And now he is the perfect father. It makes me want to cry when I see him with Marlo in his arms (she is so tiny and he is so big) - I catch him just staring at her sometimes in amazement and my heart leaps. I sometimes forget that he too had been waiting for her so long...And now that she is here he goes above and beyond the expectations I had for him as a father. He is first to go to her if she makes a noise, always wanting to feed her, has no problem changing her (both diapers and outfits), always wanting to hold her in his long arms...he even came upstairs the other day with a book in hand and told me that he felt like reading to his daughter. I thought I would melt! Even being back at work, he is willing to get up with her in the middle of the night to allow me to get sleep. He is always concerned about me getting enough sleep, or being healthy (I was really sick for over a week and now again feel like I am coming down with something) - both physically and mentally. He has also taken over dog-walking duties for the next few months so that "his ladies" can be warm at home inside. Every day when he leaves work I get a phone call asking if he needs to pick anything up, and without question he will run here and there to pick up food or anything else I ask before running home to see all his ladies. I don't, and will never, take him for granted, and know that I am lucky to have such a loving husband (and a hot one at that). Sorry I got all shmoopy on you :)

Ahhh...That New Baby Smell?

by Guest Blogger Mama A

New Baby Smell was something I had heard about - one of those unbearably pleasurable things that I hadn’t yet experienced, like new car smell (since I always had used cars). But this time I was going to get the real deal. My baby would be new!

Before Liam was born, swept up in the romance of the about-to-be, I would sometimes bury my nose in his tiny new clothes and blankets, which of course had been pre-washed in the special, super gentle, baby detergent. I inhaled the aromas of all the baby oils, lotions and soaps, all organic naturally. I imagined New Baby Smell to be a wonderful fusion of these soft sweet things combined with some special fragrance that my baby would emit from his pores and his sweet baby breath. I was in for a surprise.

My baby smelled like vomit and rotten milk. All the time. This was his signature scent. Certainly there were times when his smell would change. Like immediately after a bath. If I was quick, I could smell him and get a noseful of water and baby oil before he vomited again, but I was rarely quick enough and often got a hairful, or even once an earful, of vomit while trying this risky maneuver. The only thing that really covered the vomit and rotten milk smell was his gas.

My baby did not know how to shit, you see. He’d push and clench at the same time leading to no movement but much frustration, crying, and I imagine abdominal pain. Apparently this is normal. But no one tells you that you are born not knowing how to shit. What he did know, was how to fart. The boy could clear a room. I’d be trapped, nursing him, and suddenly be enveloped in a thick death cloud of smell that I swear lingered in my hair and on my clothes. (Oh, I forgot to mention that my signature scent during the early months was also rotten milk and vomit, and sometimes, baby fart.)

Ah, yes. Nursing. This is the time I imagined I’d breathe in New Baby Smell. I thought I’d stroke the soft downy hair of my tiny baby, nuzzle my nose into his warm, soft cheek, relish in these quiet moments while I nourished him from my own body. Maybe I’m ungainly, or maybe it’s because my son was born over 10 lbs, but I never got coordinated enough to nurse, stroke and nuzzle at the same time. Not that I’d want to. That soft downy hair I imagined was actually falling out in clumps. And the scalp underneath was covered in thick yellow scabs called cradle cap, which is also totally normal and common but you never hear about. And of course, the warm, soft cheek was deeply fragranced with vomit and rotten milk. Oh, and the quiet moments. Yeah right! My son thrashed about wildly while I tried to hold onto his massive head in one hand and steer my equally massive breast into his mouth with the other (it is easier to move your breasts than the baby’s head, by the way).

For us, nursing was not a simple thing I could quietly do while sitting around with others having polite conversation. First of all, the others usually had left the room anyway because of the aforementioned gas problem. But more importantly, to me, was that I had to be completely naked from the waist up. It was enough work for me to steer the giant head and giant breast without also having to discreetly move aside layers of clothes designed to be easy to discreetly move aside.

So, I spent the first several months of motherhood mostly alone, mostly naked, mostly in a noxious cloud of stink. New Baby Smell my ass.

MOMMY FRIENDS

If there is one must-have accessory for new moms this season it has got to be the mommy friend. While the right bottle, crib, carrier, or toy are all helpful tools in caring for your newbie, nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is more important than the mommy friend. To that end, there is no better gift that you can give yourself than to go out and join a mom’s group or go out and make a new mommy friend.

The simple fact is that once you have a baby there is nothing that you care more about than that little being. As a result, there is no topic of conversation more interesting to you than babies – how are they developing, how are they sleeping, how are they eating, when will they do X, why aren’t they doing Y? It’s been 6 months and I still haven’t lost my baby weight. . .it’s been 9 months. . . it’s been 1 year. . . no one understands these topics better and is more willing to hash them out with you than another mom. More importantly, no one understands better why it is that you look so haggard and tired, why it is that you need to take a walk to the coffee shop at 6 a.m. (and is willing to join you), why it is that - even though you had plans to meet at 10 - you just couldn’t get there until 12:30 (or not at all). Your mommy friends get you, because they ARE you.

So if you do one thing for yourself after you baby arrives (or better yet, before it arrives) go out and make some mommy friends. The more, the better! Also look for moms with babies that are close in age to your baby (within about 6 months) and who live near you..

Here in the Boston area there are so many great ways to accomplish this. There are TONS of mommy groups in every town/city/block and they aren’t hard to find:

1) A good place to find out if there is a mom’s group in your area or if anyone in your area wants to start one is by posting on the Gardenmom’s website: (http://gardenmoms.findsmithgroups.com/signin.do) . This site is a great resource of other boston area moms looking for advice, or wanting to meet up.

2) Meet a group through an Isis Maternity class – for new moms, I highly recommend the Great Beginnings Class where you can learn a lot meet other moms with children the same age.

3) Join a baby music class in your area or a baby yoga class or a baby swim class. Any class with children in and around the same age is a great place to meet other moms.

4) Go to the playground - yes, even if you have a newborn – there is no easier place to meet other moms.

5) Go to your local coffee shop – your best bet is to go on a weekend when no sane person would willingly be awake (say 6:30-7 a.m.). There you will find all of the other moms and dads with their lovely children who woke up at 5:30 in the morning – just like your baby. Trust me, it is a great bonding experience.

And here is the greatest thing about mommy friends – you don’t need to know anything about them. You already know, just by the fact that they are also a mom, that you have more in common with them than you probably have with any of your old non-baby friends. So go do it! Don’t be shy. I promise you will not regret it.

Your body: After Baby

"Pretty soon after you give birth (assuming you do not have a c-section), they will make you pee. Yes, in front of them. Although, at that point you don't even care. They have already seen it all! Plus it will be necessary for the nurses to help you into the bathroom because it is pretty hard just to sit up and get out of bed on your own, much less be able to walk yourself the three steps to the bathroom. And unless you want your husband to "help" you, just let the nurses in there! The one thing I was not prepared for, however, is the "inability" to control your bladder. Not that I peed in my pants or anything, but for those first couple weeks once you get to the bathroom and sit down, the pee just starts coming out...there was no "okay I'm going to start peeing now, okay now I'm going to stop," it just starts - and there was no ability to "stop" once it started! I guess when they tell you to do those kegel exercises, they aren't lying. Ha Ha! Totally not prepared for that though! Don't worry - you're not going to pee your pants or anything (atleast I didn't - I'm sure many ladies have though!) but this is one of those things that would have been nice to know beforehand!” - Mama P

“Make peace with the fact that you may not lose all the weight right away. I think I had this expectation that the birth itself would rid me of about half the weight pretty much right away (it didn't) - I still looked 9 months pregnant the day I left the hospital. Granted, I knew that you would still look "pregnant" but I thought I would look more like 5 or 6 months pregnant, not exactly the same as I looked when I came in there! It took about 4-5 days before I lost the majority of the "belly" but even then, I still had a lot of weight to lose. Just remember that it took 9 months to gain it all, so don't be surprised if it takes 9 months to lose it. Several of my friends who are all size 2 and looked adorable lost all of their "baby weight" like 4 days after going home and were back in their pre-pregnancy clothes like 2 weeks later. This is not normal.” - Mama P

“I will admit, I didn't get back to working out when I could have (6-8 weeks postpartum). I just wasn't feeling it. After a few months, I started again, but you are so tired all the time that is the last thing you want to do! I will say though, for the next baby, I will probably force myself to start working out earlier, just because it has been a lot harder to lose the baby weight than I thought. (not that I thought it would be easy, but it just hasn't come off the way I thought it would).” - Mama P

Stay at Home Moms: Keeping your Sanity

“Get out of the house every single day, join a gym, enroll in classes (swimming/music when they are young), make dates with other moms for lunches, etc. Go for lots of walks. Cook more and better food now that you have time. Clean your own house (save money on the housecleaner), Do the finances for the house, taxes, refinance, run household maintenance, deal with landscapers and keep the cars maintained, etc” - Mama L

“Take what you used to do in a day and pick ONE thing – just one – to get done (not one big thing and a lot of little ones, just one) in a day. And when you have a newborn, pick no things. If you eat, go to the bathroom and maybe dress yourself be proud! I wish I was joking, but I am not.” - Mama A

“Because I work from home, I figured it would be pretty easy seeing as I set my own schedule. I figured, well when he sleeps I can work. It is not that easy! At the beginning I was so tired that when he would sleep, I would try to take a nap. And now that he is older and is more active during the day, I really can't get much work done. We are going to get an in-home nanny 2 days a week which will let me get some actual work done. It is someone who was a nanny for a friend's sister. She has known her a long time and totally recommends her. I would not have just hired a random stranger through a service. It was important to have someone who comes personally recommended.” Mama P

Sleep: “Best advice is to go to sleep earlier than you ever have before, tough to do, but helps a lot. Did it a lot in the beginning, then started feeling a lot more normal...stopped and started feeling like hell, and trying to do it again.” - Mama R

First Days Home

Don’t think for a second that when you get home from the hospital, you will ease back into your normal life. As you know, your life is now your baby’s life. Even a simple walk the first couple weeks takes a lot of concentration, an aligning of the stars plus 2 hours to get out of the door. Showering will be an afterthought. Working out, a thing of the past.

When you arrive home with junior, you may or may not want some time alone with your husband and baby, to start the adjustment process. Visitors may mean presents and prepared food, but it will also mean that you will have to be “on” and you might be exhausted.

It is an absolute blessing if your mom is able to take time out of her life to come stay with you to help out in the very beginning (who are we kidding – will you even need to ask??). She will be able to take the burden off you while you are recouping: making dinners, cleaning house, changing the baby, doing laundry, etc. She might get on your nerves after a couple days, but take a deep breath and remember she is only there to help you (and you will miss her like crazy once she leaves)!