I want an Oompa Loompa now Daddy!

This happened in the car yesterday after I picked M up from school:

Too cool for school M

M: I want my iPad.
Me. Excuse me?
M: I want my iPad, please.
Me: It is at home.
M: But I WANT it (said with about 50% more whine than before)
Me: I know you want it, but it is at home, there is nothing I can do.
M: BUT I WANT IT! (we are up to about 75% whine/scream here)
Me: M, what do you want me to do? It is not in the car, I cannot make it appear. 
M: I WANT MY IPAD AND I WANT IT NOW!!
Me: M, you do not talk to Mommy that way. Stop. 
M: Why are you so mean!!
Me: I am not being mean at all. 
M: You are mean! You won't let me have my iPad!
Me: I am not going over this again. I do not have a magic wand. I cannot make your iPad magically come from home into the car right now. 
M: I want Daddy!
Me: Why do you want Daddy?
M: Because he is nice to me! I love Daddy and he loves me!
Me: I love Daddy too.
M: But, I really love him!
Me: I really love him too, and I really love you too. 
M: But, I love Daddy!!

We have been lucky with M these last 4 years. We didn't have the terrible twos. The threes were thoroughly enjoyable. But oh 4! Curse you 4!!

Just in the last few months M has developed the attitude of a tween girl. It isn't all the time, but it pops up at least once a day. There are screams of "I want!" or her telling me straight out to do something like I am her servant. There is a lot more whining, and a whole lot more yelling. She is also doing this new thing of screaming at the top of her lungs when you don't give her what she wants. Oh what fun.

Most of the time I am able to diffuse the situation by changing the subject, or making her laugh somehow, but sometimes I will not stand for this type of behavior, and I make it known. I never yell back at her, but I do the stern Mommy voice and lay down the law. She knows when I am serious. I have even once put my hand over her mouth while she is screaming at the top of her lungs and gave her the evil mommy eyes. Every time I do something like this she calls for Daddy.

Daddy is the good cop to my bad cop.  Hubs and M have a relationship that is unlike my relationship with M. He knows how to snap her out of one of these moods in an instant. He can put his glasses on upside-down and have her in stitches in a second. I do not have this kind of power over M.

Daddy is the one that she calls out for in the middle of the night - why? Because he is the one that will cave and crawl into bed with her. I will tell her to go back to bed and then stumble back into my own bed down the hall.

The other day at bedtime M was giving me a hard time. She kept calling for Daddy, and I explained that I was going to put her in pajamas and get her ready for bed, then Daddy would come in and read to her. That was no good, she wanted him now, so the "but I love Daddy!" started. And we did the same thing as above, but this time when I said "I love you so much M, don't you love Mommy too?" she flat out said "No I don't." I had to walk out of the room because my heart broke a little bit.

I know she wasn't serious. I know she really didn't even understand what she was saying, but still I was so hurt! She did know that she said something to hurt my feelings though because I left the room so abruptly after telling her that what she said wasn't nice. And the next morning she told Hubs that she "wasn't nice to Mommy last night."

I know there are years of this to come. I know she will tell me she hates me, and won't really mean it, but damn it hurts!

Val on the other hand is the parasite to my host still. Sure she is the queen of going limp and writhing on the floor while screaming, but one belly zurburt and she is putty in my hands. Oh how I love a 17 month old that doesn't say much other than "food!"

Like I said, M is only like this for a smidgeon of the day - for the most part she is the perfect child. But when the Veruca Salt comes out, she comes out with a vengeance!

Polar Opposites

I am not going to lie...I always felt like I was going to have one girl and one boy. When I found out that Val, our second child, was a girl I was honestly a little sad. I knew we were going to have only two children, and deep down I was hoping that we would have one of each sex. I was afraid that our two daughters would be so similar and we would have the same experiences with each of them as they grew up. By the hammer of Thor (a little Anchorman reference) I was wrong!

M & Val couldn't be more different. I wrote a post about their differences a few months ago, but since then Val has developed this little spitfire independent personality that is totally new to me as a mom. I was used to having the quiet child, the introvert, who sat and observed everyone around her and shied away from anyone besides me and my husband. You could read books to M for hours if you wanted. She  would sit and watch an entire movie without moving. She can still to this day play by herself very quietly in the playroom - the point where I have to call in there every few minutes and say "M? Are you ok in there?" because she was is quiet.

Enter Val...

Val throws food on the floor.
Val likes to smack people, and the pooch.
Val is a screamer - and not just yelling, I am talking head-turning-ear-piercing screeching during the middle of dinner in a restaurant.
Val likes to go in the toy bins in the playroom and throw everything from the bin on the floor. And then move to the next bin and repeat.
Val likes to climb...on everything.
Val LOVES to pull her sisters hair. Her sister does not like it as much as Val does.
If Val doesn't like the book you are reading, she will smack that book out of your hands.

Val likes to test her parent's patience. She knows what the word "no" means, but likes to act like she doesn't.

I have this daily interaction with her...whether it is about the dog's food, or smacking her sister, or trying to pull down the gate at the bottom of the stairs...

Me: Val, no! Don't you crawl over to pooch's food.
Val crawls over to the bowl at the speed of light (this kid is FAST when she wants to be - and yes, I pick her up and move her away, many times, but Mama has to make dinner at some point!)
Me: Don't you stick your hand in the pooch's water.
Val looks at me, with the biggest grin ever on her adorable face, with hand hovered above the water bowl.
Me: No! Don't you do it Val.
Val raises her eyebrows and grins even wider, as she lowers her hand just a bit, still hovering over the actual water in the bowl.
Me: No! Mommy said no!
Val places her hand in the dog's water bowl and bursts out in laughter.

Val: 1

Who could resist that gapped tooth smile?

Mommy: 0

But oh my God - Val is the greatest too. She will get me so fired up one second, and the next she is crawling over to me and jumping in my arms, and letting me kiss her chubby cheeks and tickle her belly. I just want to eat her up!

She is so unbelievably happy-go-lucky. If M stumbles or falls it is immediate tears (most of the time fake ones) no matter what the severity of the fall (I am talking like tripping over a toy on the floor). If Val stumbles she laughs and she gets right back up and continues to do something that she probably isn't supposed to be doing.

I love that about her.

I know Val is going to be the daughter that gets into trouble. I know she is going to be the bruiser of the two...the instigator. But I hope that whenever Val does fall down as she gets older that she will still have that happy-go-lucky attitude, and laugh it off and move on.

She seems to follow Pete the Cats mantra - no matter what you step in, just keep walking along and singing your song, because it's all good.

She doesn't get that from me :)

Meal Time: Negotiations, False Promises and Empty Threats

I used to brag about M's eating habits here on the blog, feeling sorry for those parents out there whose kids only ate peanut butter and jelly or chicken fingers. I had a 3 year old who would eat grilled pork chops, steak, all kinds of fish or curry chicken salad. Basically anything I would put in front of her she would at least try. When we would go out to restaurants with friends I wouldn't even look at the kids menu - I would order her a fancy appetizer and she would eat it while her friends would just pick at their hot dogs and french fries.

Those days are long gone.

For the past month or so M's diet has pretty much consisted of fruit, mac n' cheese and snacks. So many snacks.

I loathe meal time in our house now. I will go through a menu list with M, asking her if she wants this, or this, or this (all things she used to like) until she finally gives me a yes. Let's say that she asked for a ham and cheese sandwich. I make a half of sandwich, because I know she will only have a few bites at most and I am sick of wasting food on my children. I put the sandwich in front of her and she will poke at it and say something like "I don't want a sandwich!" I will tell her that she had other choices, and this is what she asked for, so this is what I made, and this is lunch...eat it. Then she will go into the "I'm not hungry..." whine, which is not true because five minutes before this she was screaming about how hungry she was...for a cookie, or some other treat.

And this is when the negotiations begin...

"If you eat your sandwich I will give you some cherries..."
"I don't want cherries."
"If you eat your sandwich I will give you a jellybean."
"Two jellybeans?"
"Fine, if you eat your sandwich I will give you two jellybeans."

M eats two bites of sandwich.

"I don't want anymore sandwich. Can I have ice cream?"
"Absolutely not. Eat your sandwich."
"I don't like this sandwich."
"Yes you do. You just ate one two days ago and loved it."

M picks apart the sandwich and sticks a finger in the mayo, smells it.

"What is this white stuff? I don't like this stuff."
"That's mayo, and yes you love it. You licked it off the spoon the other day and loved it."
"I don't like it on the sandwich."
"Eat your sandwich."
"I want a cheese sandwich."

I remove the ham. Viola! A cheese sandwich.

"I don't like cheese sandwiches."

I feel the anger bubbling up inside me. On one side of me is a stuborn three year old, and on the other is a 12 month old screaming at the top of her lungs because I just told her for the 100th time not to feed the pooch. Said 12 month old is now sticking her fingers down her throat, trying to gag herself - a new fun meal time activity that she thinks is hilarious.

"If you eat your sandwich, maybe we can go to Whole Foods for ice cream tomorrow."
"Can I get vanilla ice cream?"
"Yes if you eat your sandwich."

M takes one bite.

"Can I have ice cream now?"
"No, eat your sandwich."

M fakes taking a bite of her sandwich and thinks it is hysterical. Anger bubbling...

"M, you need to at least eat this part of your sandwich (I rip already tiny sandwich in half) or we aren't going to see Grandma tomorrow." This of course is an empty threat as we are already packed and ready to head to Rhode Island...
"I want to see Grandma!"
"Then eat your sandwich!"

"I have to go potty!"

Ah, the potty ploy. Whenever M doesn't want to eat her food she will tell me she has to go potty. She will go into the bathroom, settle herself atop the porcelain throne and read whatever magazine I have in there - for at least 5 minutes.

"Did you go potty?"
"Not yet mom!"

Another 5 minutes go by and she comes out of the bathroom, but races by the table into the playroom.

"OH HECK NO! Back to the table..."

Queue the meltdown.

If Daddy is home, this is when he will follow M around the house, with sandwich in hand and force feed her bites in between her laps around the house. I am not a big fan of this method, as I too am stubborn and think she should be sitting down at a table when eating. But, at least she is eating something. There is something about Daddy being home that gets the girls to eat their food.

But, because she isn't eating much at actual meal times, she is now snacking like crazy. I would rather just give her a bowl of grapes than not feed her between meals because I don't want to hear the whining constantly that she is hungry. I think the only way I could actually get her to eat what I make for her at every meal would be to sit a bowl of ice cream in front of her as incentive to finish her food. That is one way to win parent of the year.

Now her sister...she is another story...for another post.

We are lovers, not fighters, in this house

M came up to me the other day, with her hands in a chokehold on her own neck, and said "mom can you do this to me?" I looked at her, horrified, and said "absolutely not! What are you doing? Where did you learn that?" and she said, "it's what Mr. Incredible does to Mirage in the Incredibles movie."

Of course it is. She doesn't realize that what Mr. Incredible was trying to do was inflict pain upon Mirage in a fit of rage, she just thinks it is something that one character in a movie was doing to another.

The same day she approached me saying, "mom, can you punch me in the face the way Elastigirl does to that bad guy? Like this?" as she mimicked being punched in the face and falling over.

Maybe this is a sign we have been watching the Incredibles too much lately (but damn it is the best Pixar movie! Besides Brave, and the Toy Story series of course...they are all so good!) or maybe I have to pay more attention to what my almost 4 year old is watching.

Both times that she asked me to reenact a fight scene I explained to her that what she saw in the movie was not how we act in real life. That in this house, we love each other, we don't fight with each other, and we never, ever, ever hit each other. Which is totally the truth - we are a very kissy/huggy family.

I will happily indulge M once a day and "marry" her. She puts on a veil (a piece of tulle from my
studio) under a tiara, and holds a silk flower in her hand while she lays one on me for about 10 seconds and then says "we're married!" I have M kiss her sister as often as I possibly can (which ends up being about twice a day because most times she just says "no thanks!" and runs in the opposite directly.)

It is important to me that my kids grow up in a household full of love and affection. My husband and I kiss each other in front of the kids (or "get married" as M calls it). I want my kids to know that their parents are happy, and truly love each other and aren't afraid to show it, much like my parents did when I was growing up (and they are about to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary). We often have family hugs and everyone kisses each other before bed. I don't leave the girls' rooms at nap or bed time with telling them I love them, and having them tell me they love me (well, with Val it is just me saying it of course).

I have so ingrained this lovey-dovey-ness into M that we will be out and about and she will just give me a big hug and kiss and say "I love you mom! Give me a kiss!" What mom doesn't want to hear that from her child?

I know it won't always be like this. I know that somewhere, not to far, down the line the girls will fight with each other, probably physically, just like my brother and I did when we were young. I won't like it, but of course will be ok with it because it is par for the course - they just better kiss and make-up after their battles because in this house we are lovers, not fighters, as MJ so elegantly put it.

Unless we are battling on the dance floor during our dance parties...that is another story!

The Tumultuous Threes

tu-mul-tu-ous (adj): making a loud, confused noise; uproarious; excited, confused, disorderly

Yup, that about sums it up.

Don't listen to what they tell you - the twos are a breeze. At least for us they were. Sure there were fits and times M wouldn't behave, but all-in-all the twos were pretty great. Don't get me wrong - the threes are pretty great too. In fact this is my favorite age so far as I feel like I now have a little partner in crime. M loves to help me do stuff, loves to hang out with me and we can actually have conversations now.

But recently M found her litte voice and started giving us a hard time. Gone are the days when we can just blame her crankiness on being overly tired. Now if she doesn't want to do what you tell her to do there is push back, there is screaming and boy, there is some drama.

Here is how it usually goes in our house:

M: Can I watch something on the big tv mom?
Mama: Not right now, let's go outside.
M: Can I watch something on the big tv mom? (this time much louder with a sprinkle of whine and some sort of stiff body action)
Mama: M, I said not now. It is a beautiful day, let's go outside and play. We can watch something later.
M: Can I watch something on the big tv now mom? (this time it is screamed and she is usually draped dramatically on the ottoman or standing on her little PB chair with her hands in fists)
Mama: M, I said No.
M: YOU CAN'T SAY NO MOM!! (this is her favorite thing to say now and boy does it drive me crazy)
Mama: Yes, I can say No. I am the boss. Let's go outside.
M: YOU CAN'T SAY NO MOM!! You can't make me go outside!
Mama: Yes, I can. Let's go outside (me pushing her towards the door to go out back)
M: You can't touch me mom! You can't touch me!
Mama: Yes, I can touch you. I am your Mom. I can touch you if I want to.
M: You can't tell me you can touch me Mom! You can't say you're my mom!
Mama: Fine you stay inside, but you aren't watching tv. (I then bring Val outside to swing on the swingset while M stays inside screaming that I can't do things...)
M (from the doorway - looking at us on the swingset): YOU CAN'T PUT VAL IN THE SWING MOM!"
Mama ignores M
M (from the doorway): You can't push Val on the swing mom!
Mama: Why don't you come swing with us, M?
M: You can't ask me to come swing mom! I want to come outside now...(of course this is in her cute sweet normal voice)
Mama: Ok! Come on out and join us!
M: You can't tell me to come join you! I want to stay here.
Mama: Then stay there
M:  You can't tell me to stay there Mom!

YADA YADA YADA...

This is a daily scene in our household now, and even when we are out and about. I will be holding her hand, walking through the grocery store and she will say all of the sudden "you can't hold my hand mom!" and I try my best to ignore this behavior because this is the last thing I want to deal with when I am out in public.

I have tried giving her a time out when she does this. I will put her in another room in a corner, tell her to stay there for a minute, or until she plans to be nice (because I call this behavior "not being nice to mommy") but that never works.

Then I have tried taking away one of her toys when she yells at me like this. I always put them high above the kitchen cabinets, so they are out of reach but she can still see them. I tell her when she is being nice again she can have them back. This of course leads her to come over and hug me and tell me "mom, you are my best friend. I will be nice now." What a little actress this one is!

My husbands method to dealing with this behavior is to distract M and make her laugh. This always works in the short term and makes her forget that she was even mad in the first place.

But how do I discourage this behavior in the first place? I know this is just a three year old being three, and she is expressing herself, but it drives me up a wall. I tend to start raising my voice and telling her over and over that in fact I CAN do whatever you are saying I CAN'T do - and I know this is the worst response I could probably have. Makes me seem like I am a three year old saying "i'm rubber you're glue..."

Oh 4...I hope you are friendly and fabulous!

To M Every Day Is Opposite Day

As we approach M's third birthday in December, I look back on this past year and can't help but say we have gotten off pretty easy as far as the "terrible twos" are concerned. Sure there was a fit here and there, and lots of drama (she likes to look at her reflection in any surface and pretend she is crying - I mean even door knobs for crying out loud), but over all we have been blessed with a pretty mild mannered, polite, cool kid. I have heard from other parents that it isn't actually two that is terrible, but the age of three when the horns come out. Slowly but surely I am starting to see a sublet change in M's behavior here and there that makes me think her next year of life is going to be a adventurous one.

Lately I feel like every day is opposite day in her little head....

Last night she was constantly banging her fork on the glass table during dinner so I say, "don't bang your fork on the table sweetie, you are hurting the table and that isn't nice."

In her head I imagine she heard "Bang that fork on the table - and bang it as loudly as you possibly can! Momma would love it if you put scratches in the table!"

Of course the behavior continued after I told her again to stop, in my serious parent voice this time.

And in her head this time she heard, "oh you want me to throw the fork at you? That sounds like fun! Let me bang it two more times before I chuck this silver fork at your face!"

And said fork came flying in my direction, which of course outraged my husband and turned him into mad daddy, which scares the junk out of M. This seems to be the only way to stop M from doing what we ask her repeatedly to stop doing though.

Don't hit mommy!

What, you want me to hit you? Harder this time? Maybe some scratching too?

Pick up your paper dolls before you get out the letters.

Oh you want me to make an even bigger mess? I will just pour these letters all over the ground and then walk through my paper dolls to make them go all over the place.

Let's go into your room to get ready for bed...

Oh so it is ok that I run down the hallway to your room and jump on your bed? Sweet!

No you cannot go outside, it is cold and dark out.

What was that? (As she backs out the sliding door in slow motion, while grinning at me from ear to ear) It is ok to go outside? Without shoes on? In my pajamas?

Don't run with food in your mouth. Chew, swallow and then you can run...

Oh so I should shove more food in my mouth and take off running at full speed without chewing? Gotcha!!

And so goes every day here in Mama J's household. I should start trying a little bit of reverse psychology on this kid!! I can't imagine what she is going to be like when she is a teenager. That is when we send her to live with her grandparents.

Houston, we have a hitter...again

I've mentioned quite a few times on the blog about how lucky we are when it comes to M and not really having "terrible twos"...yet. There have been the occasional fits and tantrums here and there, but nothing lasts more than a few seconds. She does like to whine a lot though, and has developed somewhat of a little diva attitude as of late. Here is how things usually go when M doesn't get her way now:

M: I wanna watch something on the big tv Mama (with big smile on her face)
Mama J: Maybe later, let's go outside and play.
M: I wanna watch something on the big tv! (getting louder and higher pitched)
Mama J: No, now it is time to play outside. We will watch later.
M: I wanna watch now! (body starts to stiffen, fists are clenched)
Mama J: Let's go outside and do something fun!
M: WHEEENNNNNHHHHHH@)($*@!#(#$*#()!!!! (the only way I can describe that blood curdling, ear-piercing most annoying sound on the planet that is my daughter's whining)
SMACK!

I would actually be ok with this behavior if it wasn't followed by her hitting me. I understand she is 2.5, and she doesn't understand why she can't always get her way, but I cannot handle her hitting me. She started doing this around the time she turned 2 last year, but it only lasted a few days and went away. Well, it is back with a vengeance.

She gets herself so worked up when she doesn't get her way that her arms immediately flail in my direction and most of the time make contact with my head. If I am not close she will hit whatever is closest to her, while continuing to make that horrendous high pitched whine noise.

And what is my reaction to all of this nonsense? You name it, I have tried it.

I have ignored it.
I have grabbed her arm.
I have told her No Hitting!
I have grabbed her arm and told her No Hitting!
I have walked away from her.
I have asked her father to deal with her.
I have growled at her. (I do this when the dog is driving me insane and it works, so I figured why not give it a try)
I have told her it is not nice to hit!
I have told her she is being mean to Mommy.
I have even called her names - she is scared of the Mother Goethel character in Tangled so I have even said "you are being mean, just like Mother Goethel! Don't be mean!"
I have even hit her back.

Yes, I am not proud of admitting I hit her back. It was just a light smack on her hand, but it did make her cry because it was so unexpected. I of course apologized right away and we hugged it out - not my best parenting moment so far.

But this behavior continues today, and I don't know what to do about it. I am scared that when she starts her summer school program next month that she is going to hit another kid in her class, or worse a teacher! I don't want my kid to be the hitter!

Does anyone have experience with this? And can you please tell me there is some magical spell I can cast while she is sleeping tonight that will immediately stop this behavior!!

When to abandond ones principals??? (rant no2)

So, my dbg is just that, a little darling!, she's filled with energy and uses it up quickly, that means she gets very tired very soon and has no energy to eat or sit down for a story once she's hit bottom.

A few weeks ago we weened her off the pacifier (we call it dummy, so for future reference, dummy=pacifier) it went ok, it took her about a week to settle for her night time sleep without it and now she sleeps like a dream (most of the time) without it, the day naps never settled, she will scream and scream and scream so in the end I told my hubby that we'll have to give it to her, I nor her can take this any longer.

So now she'll fall asleep but wake up as soon as the dummy falls out of her mouth, I try to get her to suck her thumb but she likes to pat things and forgets to suck the thumb, though she still gets upset when it comes out and forgets that it was her thumb and she can easily put it back in again, she also is still struggling to get the dummy in properly, sometimes it works but most times it doesn't so I go in to her room over and over again, her sleep is interrupted and it turns out it's not a good enough nap.

Now she's also a bit wingy and the dummy helps calm her down, we have tried to hold it off, but her sad face just makes my insides shrink and I think, am I taking the dummy away for my sake or hers? It obviously bothers me to hear her whine and whinge, and part of me hopes that one day she'll start looking for it herself and I let her whine for while, though since she almost never finds it and puts it in her mouth herself I end up after having had her cry/whine/whinge for a while go over and do it for her....
I am worried that this bad habit is never ending, so this was me abandoning my principles, but I'm not sure to what good or bad

(my hubby reads this and looks at me, what happened to you? he says. I used to do this, as a nanny these things are so easy to deal with, no nonsense and it all works out great, maybe I should take a step back, stop letting cries bother me, enjoy the time we have while she's little and stop worrying?)

Il faut faire le point, maman…

The French have garnered some parenting interest lately thanks to the book Bringing up Bébé.  But I am not here to defend or critique  that book—smarter and better writers than I have tackled that hoopla.  Rather, this week, my internal Francophile has been musing over a great French expression, faire le point. It has a number of meanings: finding one’s bearings, re-setting your compass, or taking stock of the situation at hand. 

Ever have one of those weeks where you feel like you got up on the wrong side of the bed, day after day after day?  When everything seems to get on your nerves? Waiting for the guy at the coffee counter who is more interested in flirting with customers than serving coffee…the lady in the fur coat in front of me at the grocery store fishing for that 24 cents of exact change in her enormous fanny pack (incongruous image, I know), the coffee leaking from that “spill-proof" mug into my overstuffed shopping bag…those little moments test my patience.

We all have those not-on-the-ball kinds of days, weeks, or god forbid, months.  But combined with a willful independent-minded 2 ½ year-old toddler, and it can be combustible.  Such was last week with my son.  Imagine: lots of throwing toys around, tackling his baby sister, and general misbehaving to get my attention. Already grouchy, I found myself at a loose end more than once, trying to keep it together for the both of us.  Not my finest hours of parenting. As I tried to take a deep breath during one difficult moment, I found myself thinking, Il faut faire le point.

I gave myself a time-out to get some perspective.  First, a little rant via email and voicemail to my two closest friends—both have young children and were able to give some reassurance: “Throwing and hitting aren’t acceptable. It’s good you are setting some limits,” and “It’s ok to be mad at your kid sometimes. We’re only human.” 

I also turned to some good old-fashioned bibliotherapy.  I took advantage of a couple of rare free hours in the afternoon midweek to go to a coffee shop, drink a latte, and read a little of “Positive Discipline” which helped me to find those bearings again. One of the phrases I thought was especially helpful was the guiding principle of being “kind and firm” with our budding preschooler. 

Not to say that we didn’t have more bumps in the road after that self-imposed time-out.  We muddled through a couple of more challenging situations, but also I tried out some new strategies, and slowly I am getting out of that rut I was in. My time-out was kind and firm to myself, which has translated to my being more kind and firm with my toddler.

The French have it right: Sometimes we gotta faire le point.

Help me, I have a hitter!

Dear Mamas of the world,
I write to you because my dear sweet adorable child, M, as she is known on the blog, has developed a nasty habit over the last month. The child that loves to give me hugs and kisses has come to love slapping (or clawing at) my face. It has happened to my mother, and my husband as well, but I seem to be the favorite amongst her targets. Well, me, and the pooch.

Sometimes it is out of frustration when I won't let her do something and sometimes it comes out of thin air when we are having a great time together. Bam! Smacked in the face by her sweet little hands.

The poor dog (who is almost 6 and only bothers you if you have food) gets a drive-by at least twice a day. She will just be moseying along (the dog not the daughter) and M will smack her on the snout. Thankfully the pooch isn't bothered by it and just saunters back to her doggy bed.

What is my reaction when this happens? Well, it is the same every time. Let me put it in screenplay form so you better understand:

Interior, playroom.
M smacks Mama on the face.
Mama immediately grabs M's hand and holds it down. Mama's face turns red from anger, but she takes a deep breath to try and compose herself.
Mama (speaks sternly and loudly to M, about an inch from her face): DO NOT HIT YOUR MOTHER. It is not nice to hit anyone. 
M: I know Mama, I know. 
Mama: I don't think you know or you wouldn't hit me all the time. NEVER HIT YOUR MOTHER.
M: I'm sorry Mama, I'm sorry. 


And what is her reaction to all this? She gives me a "huggy" and goes about her business. And then it happens an hour later and we repeat the scene above. I have tried to give her a "time out" but she doesn't understand it, and won't sit still anywhere I put her.

Thankfully she hasn't hit any of her friends, as I would be mortified. Who am I kidding, I am mortified! My kid hits! Where did she learn this? I am sure someone gets slapped in one of the movies she loves. I certainly didn't teach her this!

My question to all you Mamas of the world - HOW THE HELL DO I DEAL WITH THIS? Does anyone else have a kid that hits? I need to nip this in the bud ASAP.

Beaten in Boston,
Mama J

Don't Claw My Face!

One of my worst behavioral fears has come true - I have a hitter. Well, she is more of a clawer than a hitter.

As of late M has developed a nasty habit of clawing at my face. It seems to be when she is over tired, and frustrated, that she decides to lash out at me for doing something (or in most cases nothing.) It starts with a very high pitched yelp and then the swatting at whatever is closest to her, be it me, toys, or this morning the poor pooch. And if you happen to pick her up to get her to stop, watch out - she'll claw your face off - or at least try to.

She was all smiles yesterday after we got home from running errands, but earlier in the day I had to wake her up after only an hour and a half of nap as I had to go to a doctor's appointment. I knew at some point she was going to break and "grow horns" as my mom says. We were playing nicely in the playroom, she takes a poop, I pick her up to take her upstairs to change her diaper...we walk halfway up the stairs quietly and then all of the sudden "yeaaaaahhhhh!!" and she claws at my face (feeling like she drew blood). I stopped looked at her and said NO! BE GENTLE! and pinned her arm down. She then did the same thing with her other hand. I said NO HITTING and pinned that arm down. And you know what she did next?

She headbutted me.

That's right. Who needs arms? I will just slam my head into yours!!

And I looked at her, with this devilish smile on her face, and I had no idea what to do. Who is this child? What crazy demonic spirit entered her body and took over control of her limbs? Where is my sweet baby girl?

After this I laid her down on the changing table and the legs started flying and she was still trying to smack me. So I just backed away and let her do her thing. I tried not to make eye contact and not acknowledge this crazy behavior. Eventually she calmed down and looked up at me and said "Hi Mom. I sorry." Oh yeah - she calls me Mom now!!! WTF?

What am I supposed to do in cases like this? She doesn't seem to understand no at all! And yesterday she even swatted at a friend of hers, when we were at HIS house, playing with HIS toys and he tried to play with her. I almost died. I apologized over and over (it was one of my good friends so she of course understood) and I was so embarrassed. I don't want my child to be a hitter!

I know it is just her expressing her frustration, but it is totally unacceptable. When I took the iPad away from her this morning (she was tired and cranky but we had to leave to go to class) she scooted down on the bed so that her feet reached the dog and she kicked her!! Lightly of course, but enough for the pooch to look up and be like "do I have to put up with this? You know I can bite her face off if you want."

How do I nip this behavior in the bud?