My Very Honest Resume

It's something everyone has been asked when they were little, and something I have asked both my kids on numerous occasions. No, not "did you flush the potty after you pooped?" I am talking about "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

When I was around 5 years old, I wanted to be a singer and an actress. A few years later it was all about marine biology after I saw Stark Trek 4 - the one when they return to earth to save the whales, also known as the best one of course (Kahn, Shmahn). Then I discovered my love of drawing fashion and designing clothes (on paper). When I got into dance more seriously I wanted to be a professional dancer, and then after taking an advanced Bio class in high school I thought, for a hot second, that I wanted to be a doctor. 

Modeling some of my jewels...
oh to look like I did back in 2007. Damn you kids!! I blame you!

I went to college and didn't declare a major until junior year. I was in the business school, which I had no business being in (yuck yuck) in the first place, and decided on the most creative of the majors - marketing. I was an idiot. I didn't want to work in marketing when I graduated, but that is where I ended up, and that is the field I worked in my entire (all 5 years of it) professional life. During that time in the corporate world I had a side business of designing jewelry, and I loved it. I loved working with my hands, I loved making "bead magic" as I would call it when I made something of which I was truly proud. And when I saw how much other people loved my designs, and how much they were willing to pay for them, I quit my desk job and did the jewelry thing full time.

And then kids came. 

I have been lucky enough to be a stay at home mom for the past 6.5 years, and wouldn't change that for the world. I love being a mom. I love being CEO of our family (hubs is CFO fo sho) and taking care of my girls and my husband. It's my jam.

But along with all my family CEO duties, I need to have a creative outlet or I will go bonkers. I need to use my hands, to get crafty, to create. I need to draw, or paint, or take photos, or make movies, make dolls, or bake and decorate cakes or arrange flowers...I need to have my creative juices flowing and pumping and get my hands dirty.

Cake I made for Val's 3rd birthday last year.
Looks better than it tasted!

Lately I have been thinking a lot about my path in life, reason being in the past few months a handful of my stay at home mom friends have either gone back to some sort of work (be it full or part time) or are planning to go back to work in the near future. I had a conversation with one of these women the other day and she asked me, "would you ever consider going back to work?" And I didn't really know how to answer that. I never ever ever want to be sitting in an office behind a desk again - that isn't me. Would I want to make jewelry again? Maybe, but I don't get the butterflies that I used to when I think about creating jewelry. What would I do? Sell some of my crafts? Open an Etsy store to sell my dolls and drawings? Perhaps. Start a cake baking business out of our kitchen? Who knows. 

All of these thoughts got me started thinking about my resume. I haven't had an actual resume for 11 years, but if I had to put an honest one together, here is how it would go (oh and imagine it on some sort of amazing hand made paper, and my name would be vertically printed down the side in some artsy font...because I am an asshole):  

Job History

1990s - random babysitting jobs that I hated, but my parents made me take. I did not like kids. 

1997-98 - The Gap - only took this job because I had a psycho controlling boyfriend who didn't want me to go out with my friends on the weekends and have fun, so I opted to take a job instead of continuing to make excuses not to go out with them. Every penny I made went back into Gap, dinners at the Cheesecake Factory next-door to Gap or to cab rides home. 

1998 (summer) - Camp counselor. I liked kids by this point, and I especially liked hot male counselor that I got to ogle all summer long (psycho boyfriend still in picture unfortunately).

1998 (fall) - Walt Disney World College Program - I worked on Main Street in the Magic Kingdom. I wore a batshit crazy old-timey costume and got paid about $4 a hour, but it was the best job of my life. Still friends with the nut jobs that I worked with, and owe them more than they know as they helped me get up the courage to break up with psycho boyfriend and really begin my life!

1999 (summer) - unpaid internship at party planning company. Only thing I remember about this is dying my hair school bus yellow before a party we threw in Newport and being yelled at by boss.

2000 - Sales associate at the Boston Red Sox. I got paid about $6 an hour, but had the best summer/fall of my life. Oh and I met my hot husband at this job, and the rest as they say, is history. 

2000 - I take the worst job of my life, which required me to be at work at 5 AM (not ideal for a 22 year old who liked to go out all the time) sit at a desk in a hotel lobby and pressure people into taking a tour of a timeshare. This job lasted two months. 

2001- I take the second worst job of my life, which required me to sit at a desk at a staffing agency and lie to people on the phone about my company having jobs they were perfect for, and then scheduling these poor desperate souls to come in for interviews...and yes there were a handful of people who screamed at me for lying to them on the phone. 

2002 - I take a marketing job at a large marekting/advertising agency. I work in client services. I love the people I work with, but hate the work I am doing. I am desperate for something creative. Why did I major in Marketing???

2005 - After many successful jewelry shows, I quit my job for jerks and go out on the road full time selling my jewelry. I am not only designing my jewelry but marketing it to stores (I got into Bloomingdales), showing it at jewelry shows, creating all my marketing materials (business cards, tags, bags, postcards, etc.) as well as maintaining my website and managing all of my inventory and finances. Oh wait, maybe college degree did come in handy? 

2009 - Present. Mom aka CEO of household, cook, housekeeper, doer of laundry, chauffeur, teacher, to name a few of my daily hats I wear. The most important job I have ever had, and honestly the best - although sometimes I close my eyes when my kids are screaming at me and picture myself back in the Magic Kingdom, late at night when it was empty and I was standing in the middle of Main Street looking at the castle, all by myself like I was in a dream...that was a good job...but I love my kids...I love my kids. 

Skills

- perfect spiral thrower

- pinning things to Pinterest

- dance party starter, dance-off challenger, and overall very sweaty dancer

- doing voices - especially anything voiced by Frank Oz, as they all pretty much sound the same

- advanced intermediate piano player, including composing little ditties with good chord progression

- drawing bodies and clothing, but don't ask me to draw a face...ever

- decorating cakes - they might not taste great but damn will they look awesome on the outside

- arranging flowers

- party and play date planning - yes, there are wine and cheese at both when they are at my house

- felt flower and doll making

- recipe reading and interpreting (aka cooking from a recipe)

- Instagram posting

- lifestyle photography and videography - specializing in photos of my kids and their friends

- editing said photos and videos into short movies, scored by previously mentioned piano compositions

- binge watching television shows on my computer

- checking One Kings Lane, Joss & Main and Rue La La on a daily basis for furniture and decor for my house, but never actually buying anything - just pinning...I am good at that

- shopping for clothes for my kids - I may look like a bearded man who hasn't showered in three days, but kids have to look on point

- stealthily listening to my favorite podcast, Watch What Crappens, using my bluetooth headphones, while I am doing dishes or making dinner or "playing" with my kids. If you love the Housewives you need to listen to Ronnie and Ben dahlings!

- picking at my pores in my magnifying mirror and debating whether or not to get Botox in my crease between my eyes. The answer is no...for now. 

- sculpting of people and food out of Play Doh - but not letting my children touch them

- building castles out of legos

Yeah, so...what am I actually qualified to do? Be a mom and a great wife. A creative, crafty mom. Who might open up an Etsy store and sell some of the things she has made over the past few months. That is, after I watch all of Kimmy Schmidt, finish pinning things to Pinterest, shop for some more clothes for my kids, plan my next dinner party...pretty much just do what I do on a daily basis, and how lucky does that make me? 

What else have I learned from this exercise? That when my girls are ready for college they should actually study what they are interested in! Not waste their time learning about something they think they should do, but actually devote their time, and our money, to studying something they are passionate about. Damn college is wasted on the young...but that is an entirely different post for another time!

Cheers. 

Where I Find "My People"

Being a stay at home mom can be lonely, especially when both your kids are in school. You get them up, get them dressed, feed them, pack their lunches, argue with them about not watching tv before school, get their school stuff together, bundle them up, strap them in the car, drop them off at their respective schools...and then you are by yourself. 

You have responsibilities, like errands and things around the house, but you don't have a job to go to and a boss to whom you report. If I wanted, I guess I could sit on the couch all day and watch tv and eat Bon Bons. But I don't, and I don't know another stay at home mom who does.

So as not to feel so lonely you are pushed over the edge, it is important for someone like me to be part of a community, It is important to surround yourself with likeminded individuals, who share the same interests. Some people do this through church. Some people have weekly book clubs. Some people do this through mom groups. Some people get very involved in their kid's school. Some people do this through exercise classes (I had my first experience with SoulCycle last week and I have words...but that is for another post).

My community is a little unconventional.

Sure I have the people I see at the gym every morning, and I have mom friends that I meet for lunch, and play dates, as well as being an active parent at both of my children's school, but I tend to find my peace and "my people" through a different, more convenient, outlet.

I am a very creative person - I need to do something creative every day or I feel funny, or empty. Whether it is taking photos, writing, playing the piano, making dolls in my studio, decorating my house, arranging flowers - something needs to stimulate the right side of my brain on a daily basis. To satisfy this creative need, and my need for a creative community, I take online photography classes. I know this sounds strange, but through The Define School of online photography I have met some amazing, creative, similar individuals. By "met" I mean I met the online - I have never actually met these people in real life. That alone sounds really weird, especially to my parents generation I am sure.

Each of the classes I have taken (I think I have 6 under my belt - each 4 weeks) are led by the most ridiculously talented and inspiring women, who have pushed my creative boundaries and made me the "Unapologetic Artist" (also the name of my favorite class I have taken at Define, taught by my dear friend Carolyn Mara Harris, who is also the most bold and brilliant artist I have ever come across - check her out on Instagram @carolyn_mara) that I am today.

one of my shots from my Unapologetic Artist Class

Each time I take class there I am giddy with excitement when it starts, and teary-eyed when it ends. If you are like me and want to be part of something amazing with creative women and men all over the world, please check out The Define School.

Now, this second place I find "my people" is a place that I never thought I would EVER touch with a ten foot pole. I am not one for spiritual thoughts or beliefs. I am fine with others believing and practicing their religions, but I don't believe that there is an almighty being who is watching us and judging us and responsible for our behavior and whatnot. I don't believe the words in the bible should be taken as law, but rather a bunch of stories, some with valuable lessons and themes, others just pure crazy fiction.

With that said, I do feel that we all have an energy around and in us, and that there are certain things we can do to shift and move that energy for the positive.

Last year was a tough one for my family, with losses on both sides, illnesses, injuries and just over all bad luck. A friend of mine, and past teacher at Define, happen to post something on Facebook that a friend of her's commented on. That friend happen to be the actress Carrie-Anne Moss of Matrix (and now Jessica Jones) fame. I inquired how they knew each other and my friend pointed me to Carrie-Anne's website, Annapurnaliving.com. At the time Annapurna was offering a 10-day simple meditation course.

Meditation? Chanting and humming and that baloney? Not for me...or is it?

I needed something calming and positive in my life. I needed way to control the stress and anxiety I was starting to feel. I needed a little quiet in my life. I am not one to shy away from trying new things, so I signed up. And boy am I glad I did.

Carrie-Anne is this magical human being. The kind of human being that I wish I was. She is so at peace in her life, and so deep in her thoughts and just the type of person that I really want to be. Every day she would send us a video with some inspirational words, and every day I would anxiously await the ding from my computer telling me I had new mail, hoping it was from Carrie-Anne. I couldn't wait for my kids to go to school and husband to go to work so I could sit on my sheepskin and just "tune in."

This month Carrie-Anne launched The Fierce Grace Collective. As soon as the first email announcing this community/collective (whatever you want to call it) was sent out, I knew I had to be a part of it. For a tiny monthly fee, you join an online community of like-minded women, seeking spiritual support and calming guidance, led by the ethereal Carrie-Anne. We practice our mediation daily (a new one each week), have creative prompts (things to write in a journal about, or even something you can photograph and share) and nightly visualizations (this is where you lay down and listen to Carrie-Anne's calming voice share some of her wisdom and guidance).

At the moment there are about 200 of us, literally all over the globe. There is an online community where we are able to share thoughts and feelings with each other too...and you know I have thoughts and feelings!

Many of these women are stay at home moms like me, looking for some direction in their lives, trying to figure out what is next, so I am excited to get to know them and be on this journey with them.

"My people" might not be able to meet me for tea, as they are scattered all over the globe, and I have never met most of them in person, but we share common interests and passions and are like-minded individuals, and that is all that matters to me. I have real friends in my life, people I see on a daily basis, and talk to on the phone, but I just so happens to have a lot of friends that I can only communicate with through a screen! Welcome to 2016!

Where do you find your people???

Val's Path of Destruction

My youngest child Val is a crazy person. I say that with nothing but love...and a few new gray hairs.

I actually think she is an evil genius.

She knows exactly what she should and shouldn't do, and is constantly doing everything she is not supposed to do just to get a reaction out of me. She is constantly climbing on things and then saying "mama?!" and looking at me with this adorable smirk on her face as if to say, "I know I am not supposed to be up here, but I am going to do it anyway, and you can't get mad at me because I am super cute."

Her favorite thing to do is to run over to my desk, reach up and grab something she shouldn't (like my glasses) and then look me in the eye and start cackling and running in the opposite direction screaming "mama gasses! mama gasses!" - she still can't say her L's very well.

The other day she came up to me with something in her hand, looks at me and says, "poochie!" and then puts a handful of dog food in her mouth while giggling uncontrollably.

The behavior that drives me the most crazy lately though is that she has this habit of throwing everything on the floor. She will ask for milk, I will give her a cup of milk, she will take one sip and then hurl the sippy cup across the room and say "no. No. No, milk." She'll take a bite of cheese and then throw a chunk on the floor and say "done!" She leaves a trail of half eaten snacks and full sippy cups wherever she goes.

And speaking of a trail of things...

This is what I have to deal with every night. Naked princesses, in various spread eagle positions, all over the house. And I mean all over. I found naked Sleeping Beauty in the tupperware drawer this morning when I went to make M's lunch. Ariel is on my bathroom floor upstairs, there is a naked Barbie on the staircase. I clean them all up, and then for sure Val makes a point to spread them around the house every day. 

To her sister's dismay, Val also does not like when the princesses have their clothes on. She will look at them and shake her head saying "nope. No cothes...off cothes..." (remember, no Ls). I can only image what the princesses all say to each other when they come to life after we go to sleep. What, am I the only one that believes that happens? 

Val is the queen of being able to "flip the switch" when it comes to emotions. One second she will be happily playing, and then the waterworks can be turned on in an instant by the smallest thing! The dog walks into the room and looks at her - cue the tears. They only last for about 10 seconds and are the big crocodile tears - I am telling you this girl has a future on the big screen. 

Although she is the source of a lot of the drama in our house, she is seriously the most fun. She certainly keeps me on my toes all day - especially now that she learned to unlock the front door. Good times. 

Mama J = Slacker

I am sitting at my computer listening to Val scream her head off upstairs in her crib, and M barking like a seal in her bedroom. It is one of those days...

I've had a lot of lattes as of late

Val is at the tail end of a cold, and M at the beginning and was diagnosed with croup at the doctors today. Speaking of the doctors, we have been to the doctors office four times in the last four weeks due to illness! Four times! Val had croup, then they both had strep, and now M has croup and Val is at the end of a head cold/getting all four incisors at the same time. Good times.

We can't seem to shake the illnesses in our house. For months at least one of us has been sick - I have been in some state of sick for over a month now. I think it is largely due to the fact that we have been housebound for about 4 months now here in New England due to this insanely cold weather. Our home is like an incubator for the flu virus - coughing on each other, sneezing in faces (kids not me) and wiping snot on various surfaces. Oh and constantly swapping spit by drinking out of each other's drink vessels.

Needless to say M is home from school again today. I bribed her with a trip for ice cream (even though it is about 30 degrees outside) so that she would go lay down in her room for a while and hopefully take a nap. Val has been sleeping terribly lately so she is a cranky mess and is refusing to shut her eyes. Mama needs a break (and some more caffeine) - a break to start crossing off the 100+ items on my every growing list.

I sat down today and made a list of the things I need to do - things I have been putting off for days/weeks. On my personal to-do list I have 15 things, but on my decisions for new house I have 79. 79 decisions that need to be made, over the next 3-4 months, pretty much by me, as Hubs doesn't really care when it comes to design/look of house. Not a terrible position to be in, I know, as I spend pretty much all my free time looking at ideas on Pinterest or in catalogs and magazines. Tough life I know!

Did you know that there are almost 40 different shades of the color white? Neither did I.

But I am not writing to complain about having to choose paint colors, I am writing because with all these superficial decisions that have become my life as of late, things are being put on the back burner that shouldn't be, like, my every day responsibilities.

Sure the kids are clothed, and fed and cared for, but I am phoning it in when it comes to dinner preparation - I think the kids have eaten more mac n' cheese in the last few weeks than ever before. Hubs and I have fallen off the wagon when it comes to eating "clean" and have ordered out more lately than we have in the entire past year. The time that I should spend on meal planning and preparation I am literally either on my iPad or my computer looking at house related ideas.

My house is a pigsty and I actually have multiple laundry hampers full of clean clothes in there that I haven't emptied in over two weeks. And about a week and a half worth of dirty laundry that is spilling out of the two hampers in front of my washing machine. There is stack of mail and bills on my desk that is about two feet high - I should probably go through it, but then I would be taking up precious time of looking at cabinet knobs online!

In the next few months I will be adding selling my current house onto my list of responsibilities, which will be another interesting adventure. I don't look forward to having to keep the house spotless for showings and driving around with kids and dog in tow during open houses, etc., all the while Hubs is insanely busy and traveling much more for work these days.

I have let the blog fall by the wayside. I seriously had big plans for 2014 - a redesign, both of content and of the layout. I had plans for giveaways. I have a list of kid crafts I wanted to try and and recipes to review, with plans of doing at least one of each of those once a week. I had blogger events I wanted to attend. But what little free time I have these days I have devoted to attempting to stay in shape (or get back into shape - I am not sure what shape I am in!) or doing things for the new house, which I never thought would take up so much of my time.

I still plan to write about some of the creative decision making for the house, and even poll you lovely people on some choices. Thought it might be cool to have some external opinions on things like room layouts and paint colors.

I apologize (again) for slacking in the posting, and hope that you, my dedicated readers, will stick with me over the next few months during this crazy adventure!

I can hear my mom now - "stop typing and go put away your laundry!"

Hear ye! Hear ye!

No one likes to receive that little 4x6 postcard in the mail with "Jury Duty: Your Civic Obligation"  written in big blue letters on it. No one. Sure, they show you that video that has all those civilians talking about how jury duty was the greatest time in in their lives, and how it was so much fun and exciting, but I think those people got a free lunch to say those things. Jury duty stinks!

I was close to pulling a Liz Lemon.

Sidebar (pun intended) - whenever I say something stinks, as in it sucks, not smells, M always sniffs and says "I don't smell anything!" Love her.

After deferring my call to duty a year, I finally had to attend jury duty yesterday. I figured I would try one last time to get out of it and called the telephone number they give you and explained to the person on the line that I was a stay at home mom, with limited child care (my sitter can only work Monday and Thursday mornings) and a husband that travels a lot for work, and no one else to watch my kids. The lovely woman on the other end of the line said to me, "that's your problem, figure it out." I could tell that she loves her job working for the state of Massachusetts! (Please, note the sarcasm.) So, I was stuck with the very last date possible in my year of deferment, yesterday.

I was nervous as hell yesterday morning when I got up. Nervous to the point of breaking out in hives on the side of my face. What should I wear? I don't want to be too dressed up because then they might pick me (why? I don't know.) I don't want to look too much like a scrub...because then they might pick me (I realize this made no sense, but every decision I made led to me thinking that I would be picked in the end.) I settled on nice jeans and a sweater, but snow boots, not leather boots because I didn't want to look like I was too fancy (ridiculous thoughts I know). Should I bring a snack? Will I be able to eat? Can I use my iPad? Should I bring a book? Where am I going to park? Should I get there early? Will that make me look anxious or will that give me a low number? 

I arrived at 7:40 and was one of the first people there. I was given my little card with the #29 on it. 29? Shit. That is a low number. I was for sure going to be called into a court room with a number like 29. And three hours of sitting in silence (with iPad of course) later I was called in the second group to line up. I surveyed the rag tag group of my peers - one thing we all had in common - we all looked miserable, and anxious that we were going to be chosen for an actual jury.

Now, I have been called for jury duty before, but never actually left the jury pool room. This was my first adventure into an actual courtroom as a potential jury member, and let me tell you it was eye opening.

A New Low

You know that feeling when your head feels kind of foggy and you have that metallic taste in your mouth that indicates a cold is coming on? I have had that all week. I haven't been sleeping well, and it just happens to be a week where M has stayed in her bed every night so I can't blame her waking for my poor sleep. Last night was the worst though - I had one of those bad dreams that you try to wake yourself up from, and when you actually do wake up and finally go back to sleep, you are right back in that horrible dream. I awoke after 8 hours of sleep feeling like I slept 2. Damn brain!

This morning was Hubs' morning to get up with Val, our early riser, so I got to sleep in until 6:45 (note to 20 year old self - one day you will think of waking up at 6 AM as sleeping in. I know...effing crazeballs.) I got up, did my thing, made M's lunch, got her dressed and did her hair, got Val changed and dressed for the ride to school and then gathered our stuff to leave for school and realized that I still had my pajamas on (and had yet to actually look in the mirror at myself). 

There were two things I could do in this situation - take two minutes to go upstairs and change or just get in the car as is and go. I chose the latter, and I am not proud. This is what I looked like (and this drawing is being kind):

I had on giant fleece purple pajama pants with a hideously old, stained t-shirt that should be in the trash. As I mentioned I didn't actually look in the mirror (even when brushing my teeth) and I had crazy morning hair that was sticking out ala Something About Mary all over my head. I tried my best to get those rogue hairs to come down to earth with a little mother spit, but alas they wanted to be free. I had circles under my eyes that were accented by yesterday's mascara smeared on my face. Needless to say, I was looking hot. 

Oh, did I mention I had on flip flops? No? Well I did. Hot Mama. 

At least I had on a bra...a black one under an old white t-shirt. 

I didn't think anything of it. There was no reason for me to be getting out of the car, as I drive up to M's school and they take her out of the car for me. I was already in the car when I opened the garage door and would close it before I got out of the car - no neighbors would see me. I would be home within 30 minutes. 

I should also mention that I didn't even bother to put on a coat or a sweatshirt over this ensemble. I was feeling pretty confident I would be safe in the car...

Until we actually got to school...we are the first in the car line...the teacher takes M out of the car, and then Val starts to cry. I look in my rearview mirror and see Val pointing down the side of the backseat by the car door and saying "Woob woobs! Woob woobs!" which means she dropped her precious wooby down the side of the door. Shit. 

I again have two choices. Drive off and endure Val's screams for the 12 minute ride home, or get out of the car as fast as I can and rescue Woobs by opening Val's car door. I chose the latter. I got out of the car as fast as I could, in the rain mind you, opened Val's car door and threw her the trapped woobie. I made the mistake of looking behind my car, at the 10+ cars waiting to drop their kids off and unfortunately made eye contact with the woman in the SUV behind me. I was the deer in her headlights. 

It was a new low for me...going out of the house looking like a hobo and being seen by my peers. I was mildly embarrassed, but then I put on my 90s on 9 and rocked out to Will Smith's Men In Black, which I surprisingly remembered all the words to. Damn I love me some Fresh Prince. What would have been more embarrassing is if someone caught me dancing to MIB...in my car...in my pit-stained t-shirt and worn out pajama pants. 

I don't want them to grow up

My girls are the perfect ages right now. M is almost 4 (in December) and has blossomed into this amazingly funny and creative little person. She loves to help me do anything and everything. Sure there are moments when, as my mom used to say, "the horns" come out (aka devil child) but for the most part she is a great kid. She is at the age where she can entertain herself for long stretches of time - I love to see her sitting in the playroom, acting out scenes with her dolls and figures: "Oh Cinderella, your hair

looks great! We should go see what Woody is up to." "Thanks Slinky Dog! I like your tail. Let's build you a house out of Legos..." and so on, and so on.

I especially love that she is so observant and inquisitive these days. She is always asking me what things mean, and why things are the way they are. And has lately been very curious about how things are spelled, and what sounds letters make. It is so amazing to be a part of her learning process - "Flight. Fl...fl...flight. That sounds like the world 'night' mom! N...Nnnn...night."

And Val...what a character she already is at just about 13 months old. No, she isn't walking yet, and no, she doesn't talk much (lots of pointing and lots of bah bah!). She already has this hysterical personality, full of stink eye faces and belly laughs and "beefcake" poses. My mother seems so concerned that she isn't walking or talking yet, but you know what? I don't care! I don't want her to walk or talk just yet.

I am desperately holding on to her "baby-ness" - she is starting to get thinner and lose her belly, and her once chunky monkey thighs are thinning out too and I can't stand it! I feel like every time I get her out of the crib she is an inch taller. It is killing me how fast time is flying by.

I can't wait to see how my girls turn out. It is hard for me to imagine them older than they are now, but I am excited to see what kind of people they become. But on the other hand, I don't want them to grow up! We have such a great combination of baby and little girl right now in our house. They both still love to be held and hugged and kissed. They both think that my husband and I are the greatest people on earth (well, except for my mother who is queen bee in M's eyes). They both need us to get them dressed, and fed and hold their hands. I think about the day when they are both independent and I want to cry. Sure my back feels like it is going to break at the end of the day, but I will hold Val in my arms until I can't stand up anymore because I know soon enough she will be up and running away from me.

M is now in school 5 days a week, 8:30-2:30 - real school hours! She gets out of the car at school, and her teachers take her to the front door, but from there she is on her own to walk to her classroom, put away her things and start her day. She is no longer a toddler, but becoming an independent little lady. Val is my baby, and will always be my baby, but she won't technically be a baby for much longer and I am struggling with that. One of my children is already in school full time and before I know it the other will be too...and then what.

What is this stay at home mom to do once her kids aren't staying at home? Do I go back to making jewelry and traveling all over to jewelry shows? Do I want to do that again? Do I find a part time job? Will I join the PTA? Will I decorate our house? Will I write more? Will I open up that bakery/flower shop I have always wanted to start? Will I go back to school (not that I have anything I want to go back to school for, I have just been thinking a lot lately about how I wasted my college education...more on that in another post)? Who knows what the hell I am going to do.

It is scary to think about that time in my life only being 2 years away really. I will only be 36 once Val is old enough to go to pre-school. It is exciting, yet terrifying, to think that in just a few short years I will have all this me-time on my hands. Maybe I will volunteer...maybe I will work with a non-profit. I know, I am lucky to have such choices in life. I know it, and I am grateful for it every day.

A few things I know for certain are that our house will be cleaner, more organized and I will be in the best shape of my life, as I won't have my kids as an excuse for not working out.

To all you stay at home moms out there, what do you plan to do with yourselves when your kids are in school? Are you going back to work? Trying something new?

I am obsessed with my babysitter...and I don't feel one bit of guilt!

A couple months ago I wrote a post about how guilty I felt hiring someone to help with the two girls, as I was a stay at home mom. As a SAHM I felt like taking care of my girls was my "job" and if I had hired someone to help me, I was a failure at said job. After a few weeks of managing the two girls by myself, with no family around to help me, I started to feel ok about the idea of getting a little extra help. I had a newborn that refused to take a bottle, and refused to be out of someones arms, oh and hates the car too, so I was unable to get anything done. So we hired a fabulous young thing who from hence forth will be known as "Faith" on this blog.

I knew before I even met Faith that I would like her. Her response to my post on Sittercity started with "you had me laughing out loud at your job post!" She thinks I am funny? Well you are hired dear girl!

I had reservations at first about hiring Faith though, because she is fresh out of college, and new to Boston, but after meeting her I felt like we instantly clicked. And I knew she was a good person when M took an instant liking to her too. M tends to clam up around strangers, but Faith made her feel so comfortable right off the bat that they were instant playmates. And Val? Well she is all smiles at everyone, but Faith handled her with such love and care that I knew this was going to work out.

Fast forward two months to today and I am living guilt free about having Faith come help me out two days a week. I so look forward to those two mornings that she comes to our house. I can take M to school without having to deal with a crying baby. I can take my time at the grocery store without having to have Val strapped to me. I can run errands ten times more quickly than I can with babes in tow. I can put away my laundry that has been piling up. I can even work on some crafts and gifts that I have been making without having to hold a baby in one arm!

And did I tell you she does housework too? Jealous yet? HA! For the money we are paying her you would expect her to cook a gourmet meal every morning, but she does everything but. The girls' laundry is done and put away. Beds are made. The dishes are clean and put away. The house is tidy. She is worth every penny if you ask me!

Just this short 10 hour period a week has given me my sanity back. The sleepless nights that I still have are counteracted by my ability to be able to run and get my nails done, by myself. That alone time really rejuvenates this tired Mama, and I can't recommend it more to all you busy SAHMs out there. Get help. Have a grandparent watch the kids for a few hours a week. No family close, like us? Hire someone through Sittercity or Care.com!

And let all that guilt go! I still watch my kids 99% of the rest of the week, so it isn't that big of deal in the grand scheme of their little lives.

And no, you cannot have Faith! She is mine...all mine :)

A SAHM Connundrum

I am the first to admit that I judge other mothers. It is a horrible quality, I know, but I do it. And I am sure you do too, you just don't want to admit it.

Most of this judging occurs in my head of course - how could that mother feed that to her child? Why isn't that mother reprimanding her brat of a child? I can't believe she turned her car seat around already! What kind of mother lets her child run around by himself like that in public! She is still breastfeeding that kid?! Look who is going out again and leaving her kids with another sitter!

And the judgement of all judgements that brings me to the topic of this post - how could they have hired help if she chose to stay at home and raise the kids herself!?

I first want to apologize to all my friends who are reading this who are SAHMs with hired help. Yes, I judged you (notice the past tense). Yes, I thought it was kind of absurd that you are/were paying someone to help with your kids, when you chose to stay at home and be the primary care giver of your children. I considered choosing to be a SAHM as your "job." And I was (again, the past tense) of the mindset that if you were hiring help, you weren't success at your "job."

I can do everything and anything myself. That is how I have always thought when approaching any obstacle. Let me do it, I know what I am doing (even if I don't really, I like to think I do), and I can probably do it better than you can. Lost your keys? I will find them, even if you haven't found them after an hour of looking. Of course I can lift that 100 pound box - step back. Are you kidding me? Of course I can fit into that parking spot. I used to be an awesome tennis player, but haven't played in about 15 years, but of course I am still awesome (this proved not to be true.)

Fast forward to present day. I now have two children, a husband is going back to working crazy hours and will be traveling a fair amount for work, and parents who will be heading down south back to their real lives in a couple weeks. And the cherry on top to all that is our dog who needs at least a 45 minute walk every morning, or else madness ensues.

I never questioned my ability to do it all - raise my kids, take care of my dog, maintain the household -  on my own. M is in school 3 mornings a week, Val is just a baby who sleeps most of the day (unfortunately not at night - yikes) - I will have plenty of time for myself and to regain my sanity. I will find time to walk the dog as a means of getting back into shape. It was going to be a crazy busy life, but it is the life I chose. I accept that the next few years of my life will be devoted to my children, my family and dog, and I, myself, will take a backseat. I can do it all myself...can't I?

Then my husband turned to me the other day and said, "I think you should think about hiring someone to help out with the kids a couple days a week." ERRRHHHHHCCCHHH!! (that is the sound of slamming on the breaks, or a record scratching - you pick.) What did you just say buddy? I immediately took offense. Did he think that I couldn't do this all on my own? Did he think that just because he was going back to work that everything would crumble and I would be a mess of a mother? Of course he didn't think these things, but this is exactly where my mind went as soon as he suggested I hire help.

Not only did my husband say this, but my parents have mentioned it a few times, and of course each time I took offense with them too. Just because they were going back to their normal lives in Florida didn't mean that my family dynamic would go to shit and I wouldn't be able to take care of my kids on my own.

After talking it out with my husband though he made me realize that he just wants my job as Mom to be as stress free as possible, and since we could afford it, why not get someone in to take over once in a while so that I could have some "me" time. I could go grocery shopping alone...I could get a pedicure...I could get back in the gym without worrying about a child hating the daycare...I could get back to designing jewelry...I could finally cross some projects off my list...I could get my hair cut during the week and not miss out on family stuff on the weekends...me time sounds awesome. Ok, he has a point.

I still wasn't 100% sold on the idea, as I immediately thought that I would be judged by my friends just like I had judged them in the past. So the first thing I did was put a post up on GardenMoms to see if and how other SAHMs out handled hiring a part-time nanny or sitter. I could not believe the wonderful heartfelt responses I got. I had expected people to be all "you chose to SAHM, suck it up" but it was the total opposite! There was an outpouring of support and encouragement from the Moms unlike I had ever expected.

One of my favorite comments to my post on GM was one woman explaining how feeling guilty for having help raising kids and judging other women who have help is totally a cultural thing in the US. In most other countries you have generations of families living together, all helping to raise the babies or communities gathering together to help families with newborns. It is just recently that women who chose to stay home are expected to be the primary care giver and looked down upon if they need to hire someone to help them.

A common theme among the comments was happy mom = happy family (see Mama T's post below). As we all know being a mother is the most demanding, and rewarding, job on the planet, but it forces you to put yourself on the back burner, many times leading to regret and guilt. If hiring someone to watch your kids for a few hours a week allows me to do things that I love to do, therefore making me a happier person in general, why the hell wouldn't I do it?

I think I just needed this validation from my fellow Mamas out there. I needed to feel support and acceptance from women in the same position that I am in. I needed to hear that it is ok to not be with your children 24/7 as a SAHM...it is ok to take some time for yourself, for your own sanity. But it is not ok to judge those who make this decision, whether in my head or out loud to friends.

I Love My Job (Every Day Is Mother's Day)

Most of my posts lately have been a little on the negative side lately, so here comes one full of positivity, love and shmoopy good stuff...


My husband and I are very affectionate people...one might even say we are shmoopy. No, we don't have our hands all over each other when we are out in public, but we do like to hold hands, smooch a little here and there, and we like to be near each other. We also tell each other I love you multiple times a day.

We have the same kind of affectionate relationship with our daughter too. There is lots of hugging, or "big huggies" as M likes to call them, and we love to give kisses. She also loves to hold our hands, be it while we are walking, or while I am driving and she is in her carseat - not the safest thing of course, but it is so cute I can't pass it up. Sometimes we force the love on her, but a lot of times she is giving out hugs and kisses freely - like today on our walk with the pooch.

We were in the park, she was walking next to me holding my hand and she just pulled my hand towards her mouth kissed it and said "Aw, I love you mama," and rubbed my hand on her cheek. My heart melted. I just looked at her little angel face and said "you are the best thing in the world," and she said "no, you are the best mama." I about passed out from love overload. Is this kid for real?

How lucky am I to have such an amazing little creature to call my daughter? How lucky am I to spend my days hanging out with this awesome kid, who (for the time being) thinks I am the best thing in the world? I am not stupid - I know that someday, probably not that far off, she is not going to want to give me huggies and kissies like she does now. I know she is not going to think I am the best, and she might even tell me she hates me in the near future, but for now I am taking it where I can get it and loving every minute of it.

When she turned 2 I feared that there would be a switch flipped and my sweet little girl would grow horns (as my mother always reminds me that I did when I was little) and be this little devil child. I am not saying it might not happen the future, but for now it has been smooth sailing through her third year of life. Of course I probably just jinxed myself, but seriously M is a great kid. And because she is a great kid, it makes my job as Mom all that more rewarding and wonderful.

I wouldn't trade being a stay at home mom for anything in the world. I feel like this is what I was meant to do. I have friends say "I don't know how you do it? I couldn't stay home with my kids..." and it amazes me that there are people that don't want to do what I do for a "living." I am not knocking working moms in anyway (I don't know how you ladies do it!) but I just cannot imagine leaving my kids in the morning and spending the day in an office. Of course I know there are women out there that have to do it for financial reasons, and I know a lot of those ladies that would love to stay home with their kids...and I totally know that some people aren't meant to stay at home with their kids. I am just not one of those people.

Thanks to such an amazingly supportive, hard-working, rock star of a husband, I am able to stay home and play Mom all day long with M. No I am not staying in my house all day long, eating brownies and watching television (well, maybe today we are :). My job requirements are to go to museums, go on "adventures", hang out with friends, go shopping, go to the park, play outside, do craft projects, etc....How could you not want to have this job?

And the benefits are amazing! I get to watch my daughter grow and learn new things every day. I get to watch her run around and explore, and see her eyes light up when she discovers new and exciting things. I also get a nice 2-3 hour long lunch break in the afternoon while she is napping to do my own thing. Yes, there are days when I am counting the seconds towards nap time, but those are few and far between. M is so easy going she makes my job all that more enjoying.

In three more months we will be adding another member to our family, and I am sure there will be a slight tremor in the force, if you will, but I am sure I will enjoy my job even more having another little angel to share the love with.

What is going to happen to my position when the kids are older and in school, and don't need me as much as they do now? Who knows. I don't have an office job to go back to, nor would I want to be back in that kind of environment. Only time will tell what is in store for Mama J, but for now I am reaping the benefits of being a Mom (I hate the term stay at home mom btw) and loving my kid, and wonderful husband, as much as I possibly can.

My family makes me feel like every day is Mother's Day, and for that I am incredibly lucky. To all the other mother's out there, may you have a wonderful Mother's day, but be treated like every day is your special day. And may you get lots of Huggies and Kissies from your kids, as well as your husbands!

Love, Mama J

Work At Home Mama

I had a typical weekday morning today: got the kids up and ready with my husband, started breakfast together, said bye to daddy with a send-off kiss to work. Fed my daughter breakfast while our son played “kitchen” and made us cupcakes and oatmeal.  Once our nanny arrived, my son had a meltdown about going to preschool—a combination of wanting to watch more Elmo on my iPhone, to play with mama at home, and still feeling under the weather.  After about 10 minutes of tears, somehow we recovered, and I hauled him in the stroller to preschool, dropped him off, rushed home to nurse my daughter and put her down for her nap, pumped the next feeding, changed into my work clothes, gave our nanny instructions for the morning, and left for a work meeting. All before 930am.

This has been roughly my routine give or take for the last six months, a combination of the day-to-day caring for our children while juggling work meetings and projects from home. I have it pretty good, the right combination for me of being present for my children while still maintaining the most stimulating parts of my career. Having our nanny really helps me to take time to work, and also gives me a break from full-time parenting. 

Once someone told me, "You are so lucky that your career allows you to be able to work part-time." Well, it isn't always easy, nor was it simply luck.  Perhaps not all careers are amenable to part-time, but neither was mine initially. I carefully chose parts of my career that could translate to part-time, and put other parts on hold for now.  My husband and I discussed our family priorities and did some prudent financial planning; I negotiated my work terms with my boss. And when I sit down to work every day, I work hard.  What I do feel is gratitude that I can make this arrangement work for our family.

I jokingly said to someone recently that I was a “Work At Home Mom” without really thinking about it. In my usual three-steps behind fashion, I later googled the term out of curiosity, and found a whole WAHM community out there.  There was even a Wikipedia entry about it, and a magazine for WAHM.

Then I started thinking more about the idea of work, and realized, doesn’t this term miss the point?  Don’t all parents, all mamas work?  Those “SAHM,” they are working in the home. And those “Work Outside The Home” moms are also working in the home too. However joyful parenting is, let’s just lay it out there: it is also work. Hard work.  So really, aren’t we all WAHM?  But more importantly, don’t these designations miss the point?  Don’t they instead aid to heighten the “mommy wars” among those who have decided to spend their time differently, either inside or outside the home? 

There is so much judgment about motherhood these days.  What is best for your kids?  For you to stay at home? To work outside the home part-time? Full-time?  I have heard an earful from all sides in my relatively short time as a mama.  Oh the pressure, and oh, the guilt.  And it irritates me to hear the pointed, back-stabbing comments women make about each other’s choices.  

Shouldn't we be instead supportive of our fellow mothers, each forging their own paths to modern motherhood?  Sure, we each have our opinions about what is best—but the key here is, what is best for ourselves, and best for our individual families.  A very close friend of mine asked me the other day if I felt I had gotten it “right” somehow.  I told her I thought that, more than the nitty-gritty details of what I do on a given day, what I had “right” in my life was the freedom to choose those details.  Plenty of parents don’t have that choice, for a myriad of reasons.  

For me, having a choice--well, that is luxury. Because I truly believe that for our family, what works is having a contented mama. That ultimately translates into a contented family.

It's OK to have online friends

I admit it, as a SAHM, I get lonely. I crave adult conversation more than I ever thought I would. When I was working as a teacher, I couldn’t wait to stop talking once I got home. Now the opposite is true.

My twins don’t even talk to me that much. They have their own secret language. They can talk to each other for hours, and I honestly feel a bit left out. I don’t know what they are saying, but they do and they are perfectly happy to be in their own world. The specialists tell us they should enjoy this time with their own language. My husband is at work all day, and when he comes home, I bombard him to share the details of his day so I can have an interactive, engaging conversation. He, on the other hand, just wants to quietly decompress.

Enter online friendships. I NEVER thought I would have “online” friends. Friends that I never met in person?!?! This idea was insanity for an overly neurotic person like myself who could just imagine the crazy possibilities. A coworker once told me she was meeting up with her online friends for the day. I looked at her with barely disguised horror. I was wrong and I apologize sincerely to her for my reaction. These days, online forums and chat rooms, consume many websites. I joined one of the most popular websites for parenting when I found out I was pregnant with twins. Lo and behold, they had an online group for parents expecting the same month as me.

The group has dwindled down to twenty or so parents who continually check in. We have daily chats about our days, angst about our families and our latest toddler twin antics, discuss TV shows and headline news, give feedback on the latest open houses one attended, share recipes, and divulge some details about our lives that I probably wouldn’t discuss in person with my “real-life” friends. While we “know” each other after sharing almost 3 years as an online group, there is also that veil of anonymity that lets you be more open and more truthful. They provide a neutral sounding board; more so than the judgments of your more locally involved friends that know the minutia of your everyday lives.

As a result, I’ve learned it’s okay to have online friends, and in fact, I am truly grateful for them. As a SAHM, it’s kept me sane, has engaged my brain with more than toddler speak, and has allowed me to be less overbearing when my crazy busy husband walks through the door. Actually, I think it’s also one of the best choices I’ve made as a SAHM as it’s an outlet for me to BE ME.

-Mama x2

Lakeshore Learning Center: Where have you been all my life?

While taking an art class with M recently I asked the teacher where the center got most of their art supplies for the classes. She told me Lakeshore Leaning Center. What is this place? I had never heard of such a store before? Could there be an art store that I don't know of?

Yesterday I decided to go on an adventure with my mom and M in search of this mysterious place. After some online research I discovered that Lakeshore is actually a teacher/classroom supply store. I was even more excited for this adventure. I have always had thoughts about being a teacher (but then I remember that I don't like other peoples kids - except yours of course :) and have vivid memories of playing "teacher" with my little brother to the point of setting up a mini classroom in our childhood playroom. I love all things art supplies so I couldn't wait to get there.

I walked into Lakeshore Learning Center and said "I'm home!" Well, I didn't say that out loud of course...but I got so freaking excited the second I walked in the doors. I quickly ditched my child with her grandma, grabbed a basket and went on my own personal journey in search of crafty goodness. And boy was I in luck! You name it they have it...I got silk flowers, bags of foam shapes, cardboard cutouts of holiday shapes, paint, brushes...all of the fun stuff that I envision M and I creating with.

They have everything you could ever imagine for classrooms, both legit ones at schools and ones that you are creating in your house for your own child (what? Am I the only one doing this?) and it is all crazy reasonably priced.

They even have a large selection of toys, games and books for kids in this large colorful Mecca. You would have though I was teaching my own art class at home with the way I was busting through that store and piling things into my basket.

Lakeshore also offers drop in art classes on Saturday mornings, which we might try in the next few weeks and report back.

I am sure all you teachers out there reading this think I am totally crazeballs, but I was so pleasantly surprised with the selection at Lakeshore. I can't recommend it enough to those crafty moms looking for new at-home projects to do with their kids.

Of course as soon as we got home all M wanted to do was dump the bags of foam shapes on the floor and walk away, but we will get there. I will have her on Work Of Art in no time!!





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Spoiler Alert

No I don't have any inside info about how this season of Gossip Girl will end (does anyone but me still watch that wretched show?)...but I am here to admit out loud that I spoil my kid like crazy.

Wanna come inside my playhouse?
Too bad..

Before I had kids I totally judged my friends for buying their kids a lot of toys, and clothing, and fancy gear. I would sit in these playrooms that were filled wall-to-wall with toys galore and think, "my kid will never have this many toys! Why would they need so much?!" But here I am, with a very active 22 month old, and a playroom overflowing with toys, gadgets, playhouse, tent, chalkboard, trains, bins, books, playdough and instruments galore.

99% of this was not bought for a birthday, or Christmas, just simply crap that I have purchased, on a weekly (if not daily) basis for my spoiled little monkey. And you know what? She would be totally happy with 1/100th of the things she has. Hell, she would be happy playing with pots and pans, but I am home with her every day, and if she is playing with it, I have to play with it, and I get bored very easily.

And then there are the grandparents, who like to spoil M like she is the Queen of Sheeba. Every time my mom visits she has new clothes, new toys, old toys of mine, and all sorts of crazy crap for M to enjoy. Case and point: we went to a baptism party on Sunday, for one of my best friend's daughter, and at this party M got to spend time in a playhouse that belonged to my friend's son. She spent probably about 5 minutes in the actual house (and totally became possessive of it and wouldn't even let the kid whose house it was in it without throwing a fit), but because she was smiling and enjoying herself we are now the proud owners of an even bigger playhouse, thanks to Grandma. And M could not be happier. I think if I would let her, she would sleep in this house, which now resides in our ever-so-crowded playroom.

It has gotten to the point where almost every day I feel like I buy something for M. Anything from clothes online to straws she points out at the supermarket. I know she is only 22 months old, but am I already setting a terrible example? I don't even think twice before buying her an Elmo book she sees out of the corner of her eye, what happens when she is older and wants something like a new iPhone (and at this rate that will be when she is 4 :)?

Growing up I was very fortunate to be spoiled by my parents. My father was gone for a lot of my childhood, due to work, so he loved to spoil my brother and I...in the form of cars. My mother would take me shopping and have a personal shopper pick out clothes for me at Bloomingdales. But despite all of these material things we turned out to be pretty awesome, down to earth people, thanks to strict discipline from our parents in addition to the spoiling. While it was an extreme case (not many kids get to go to the Lexus dealership and pick out their new SUV when they are 18 years old, but still have to be home by 10 PM at night) it totally worked in the end.

Like I said above, a lot of times I buy things for her because I need something new to play with. There are only so many times that I can play with her Playmobile Ark, make a flower out of Playdoh or draw a rainbow on the chalkboard. Right now our playroom could entertain a daycare of 10 kids on a daily basis. I will be the first to admit that I have totally gone overboard.

My mom asked me what I am going to get her for Christmas this year and it made me realize that as she gets older I need to save some of these indulgences for that special time of year, not buy something whenever I get the impulse to spend money. Every day is Christmas for M!

Have I created a monster (in myself)? Does she realize that she gets whatever she wants? Is this normal? Why does this child have me wrapped around her finger? What the hell do I get the kid, who is only 22 months old,  that has everything for Christmas?

Too Cool for School

Last night I went out for dinner with some of my girlfriends from Isis. All of our kids are around the same age, give or take a couple weeks, and we have known each other since they were 6 weeks old. Now they are 21 months, and some have actually started going to "school" this fall. I say "school" because it isn't really school that they are going to but a program of sorts that is much like a daycare. Yes it is called school, but come on, these kids aren't even potty trained yet, so it is really a glorified daycare. Not knocking the idea of this, but just the fact it is called school...but back to my point!

I overheard part of the table talking about their plans for the fall of 2012, and changing of schools, and putting in applications. And then one friend turned to me and asked "what are your plans for M for next fall? What schools are you applying to?"

And I responded "she is going to the school of Mama J."

In all seriousness, I haven't given it a seconds thought! She is only 21 months old now...still a baby in my eyes. While there are some days that I would love to have a little bit of free time, I don't think I am actually emotionally ready to drop her off three days a week and leave her with a group of strange people!

I am totally blessed with a very cool, easy-going kid (90% of the time) and I actually love spending my days with her. I can pretty much get done everything I want to do (save getting my haircut, which I do on nights or weekends) when she is awake, and when she is asleep I get stuff done around the house, catch up on TV shows, etc. I am not saying my girlfriends don't have easy kids, because they do, I just don't feel like I NEED to have her in school at this point in her life...but come next year, my tune might be changing.

All of my girlfriends that have their kids in school either just had their second child, or will be having their second in the next month or two. So for them it is a different situation. Having their kid in a program of sorts makes sense for their sanity, and gives their kids a little independent time away from brother or sister. Hopefully by next fall our family will have increased in numbers by 1, and I will be ready to send M out on her own for a few hours, a few days a week.

But, how do you even decide where you are going to send your kid to school in the first place? I did a Google search today and came across 100 pre-schools w/in 5 miles of my house! How do you know which ones are good? And at which ones someone will beat your child with a ruler? I don't even know how to begin this process, and would love some direction/advice from my readers and Mamas.

What is the normal amount of money to pay for pre-school?
Did you all start your kids in school at 2.9 years old? Or did you wait?
How many days a week do you send them at first?

Help me Mamas!

SuperMama G & SuperBaby

When I was younger I don't remember anyone that I knew having cancer. In the past 10 years I feel like I hear about a different person being diagnosed with cancer every week. I know so many people fighting this monster, and a few that have lost their battles in the last few years. I have seen my aunt battle it for about 7 years now, even after she was given just a short amount of time to live in the beginning. 2 of my best friends have lost their fathers in the last few years to cancer. I have two friends, my own age, battling it out right now. And now, just two weeks ago, another best friend's life was touched by this insanity - her 14 month old son was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma.

I will start by saying that Superbaby (as I will call my friend G's son) had a cancerous tumor successfully removed, and has since had clear scans, so there is no cancer in his body. Hallelujah! We all breathed a collective sigh of relief at this wonderful news, but this is just the beginning of many scans over the next few years.

My friend G has been SuperMama over the last month. Through Superbaby's surgeries and procedures, waiting anxiously by the phone for results, taking care of her 3 year old son, driving an hour into the city multiple times a week for appointments, all the while trying to keep her sanity. She might have gotten a few more gray hairs during all this, but she donned her super cape every day and did what she had to do to take care of herself and her family.

I will admire her always for her strength throughout this time. I wish I could step in her shoes and take over for her sometimes...to help with this emotional burden, because I don't know how she does it. I am so happy to have her, and her family, in my life. She is Auntie to M, and I consider her my family.

It is amazing how people come together at a time like this. G's family and friends raised around $17,000 (in just two short weeks) in Superbaby's name for the Jimmy Fund walk this past weekend. We had 30 people come out and do the actual walk in support of Superbaby too. It was so touching to see little Superbaby surrounded by all of the kids and adults who love him so much. We are all so thankful this was caught so early and we all know in our hearts that he will use his super powers to dodge this for the rest of his life.

Seeing the kids in the walk yesterday just made me realize how out of perspective things in my life get. Here I am getting so upset about M walking funny, or head being oddly shaped, and there are kids battling cancer at her age. Makes me hug her a little tighter and kiss her even more (of course not willingly on her part) every time I see her.

So Mamas, hug and kiss your kids, and tell them you love them more often than you do now.

That is all I have to say...oh and FU Big C. A cure is coming for ya...

The Chronic-What?-cles of Ikea

Please tell me you all get the reference to the brilliant SNL Digital Short Lazy Sunday? If not, click and watch immediately. 

So yesterday was the third day in a row of heavy downpours in the Boston area. I was desperate to get out of the house, so I strapped M into our ark and we paddled down route 24 to Ikea. The parking lot was jammed already at 11, which was surprising as kids are back in school and it is usually pretty calm during the week. Apparently every other stay at home mom and nanny in Souther New England had the same idea...

The kiddie area at the cafeteria was packed with toddlers, whose mothers sat around at the outer counters. There was one of those mother-types that I can't stand that barks at her kids every second she can "William, eat your food. William, I better see a meatball in your mouth right now. William, I told you to eat. William use your fork. Jennifer, tell your brother to eat. Jennifer, hands to yourself. Jennifer, I said hands to yourself. Jennifer are you listening to me? Jennifer! William!"

AHHHHH!!! I wanted to scream at her "WOMAN get off your ass and go over to your kids instead of yelling all the way across the room at them. It is obvious to everyone around you it isn't working. Oh and SHUT UP."

Anyhoo - we then went and explored the children's area of the showroom. Now I have been to Ikea 100 times since it has opened, but this was the first time that M actually took advantage of the experience. She was running from bed to bed, and I would put her on them and she would say "So comfy. Night Night Mama." And then she would go in all the little room set ups, "so cute Mama! So pretty!"

She has also recently started showing a big interest in any kid that she comes in contact with. She says hi to them, and just stares, and wants to do whatever they are doing. Since there were so many kids there she was getting a huge kick out of just watching them run around, sliding down this toy slide that was set up, sitting at the kiddie tables with them. It was the best time she has had in a while.

Then of course our great trip ended in a meltdown where I had to abandon a cart full of goodies and run for the exit. It wasn't a tantrum, as she just started crying and was burrowing her face in my shoulder and hugging me. I have no idea if something spooked her, or if she was just exhausted, or not happy with the glasses and dishes I was about to purchase, but she did not want any part of being there.

So we didn't get to experience the actual play area, but we did have meatballs for lunch, so my day was made! Next time you are looking for something fun to do with the kids indoors, head to Ikea for some Guud Times.

To SAHM or not?

Recently, Mama J wrote a great post about the job of being a stay at home mom. I also really struggle with the title of SAHM (sorry, too lazy to write out stay-at-home-mom every time) and if you would indulge me, I would like to add my confusion to the conversation.

I have a PhD in Engineering. I worked as an industrial chemist for a few years, then quit my job and am now home with my two young kids. I am extremely privileged to have a husband who can support us and give me the luxury to be home with my two small children. I think that being a SAHM is a perfectly respectable career choice and REALLY REALLY HARD WORK OH MY GOD. But I just can't seem to own the title. It just doesn't feel right to introduce myself as a SAHM.

I left my job a little over a year ago, and when I announced I was leaving I was met with one of two reactions:

#1: Oh wow, that is such great news. You will never regret this decision. Your son needs you! They grow up so fast and you have to take every opportunity to be with them when they are little! Good for you!

Clearly, I liked hearing this one. It helped buffer the gut-punch from reaction #2 and its many variations:

#2: What? Why did you bother getting a PhD?
#2a: Another one bites the dust, huh (meaning young women at my company).
#2b: Oh, your (boss, mentor, advisor, etc) will be so disappointed.

And my absolute favorite (actually said to me by a fellow young woman scientist):
#2c: I don't know why they bother hiring women at all.

Ouch.

I believe the words of reaction #1, but reaction #2 is what plays in the background of my head. It was there when I left, it is there as I try to figure out what is next for me, and I’m not really sure why. Is it an ego thing? I need people to know that I could work full-time as a scientist, I just choose not to? Is it a responsibility to womenhood that I feel I should stick it out in science to try to add to the ranks of women in science? Is it a responsibility to my (parents, teachers, mentors, anonymous people who donated to the scholarships I received) to achieve as high as I can in my chosen field?

Is it a legitimate to toss these concerns aside so I can spend more time playing with my kids?

I think it is, and that is why I've made the choices I have. But I can't shake the feeling that this is not where I really belong. I feel like my kids are benefiting from my being around, but they don't really need me (and not some other carefully chosen caregiver) around all the time to grow up into healthy, good people. And I feel like I have some ambition to do something in addition to the work of parenting.

Perhaps I should also be perfectly honest admit that full-time parenting is a LOT OF WORK OH MY GOD, and I am afraid of totally losing myself in it. Are the SAHMs who love being home full-time just better at this than I am? Further removed from having an infant and a 2yo? Better parents? Worse?

It really bothered me that the job of SAHM was seen as a cop-out when I left my science job. If I decide not to stay home, am I reinforcing the idea that SAHMing isn’t a real job?

At the end of the day it really shouldn't matter how I stack up to other SAHMs or how many times I hear reaction #1 or #2 or what other people think of my decisions. In fact, I am sure most people don’t even care what I do. What should matter is what combination of working and SAHMming makes our family the happiest. And while that is easy to say I am not sure what that means in practical terms. Or how to separate the reactions of others from my internal monologue about what's best for me.

So what I am wondering is, does anybody have this figured out?

What is My Job Title?

One of my best friends got a promotion at her fancy finance job yesterday, and is now a Vice President. When she told me the news, which of course is wonderful, I was in the middle of finger painting. Oh how our lives have taken different paths: she is the VP of something or other, and I am...what the hell is my title?

Lately I feel like I have been filing out a lot of paperwork that requires me to fill in the "occupation" box with an appropriate title for what I do day to day. And it has gotten me thinking a lot about what it means to be a mom, and a stay at home mom...and what exactly the job posting on Monster.com would say if you were looking to become a mom.

Job Title: Stay At Home Mother a.k.a Coordinator of Chaos, Lady of the Manor, Enforcer of Family Law, Keeper of the House, Head Woman In Charge


Experience Needed: NONE

Job Description: Do you want to give up your current life and live the most rewarding life you possibly could? Well, have some sex, get pregnant and pop out a child (or in my case try to get pregnant for 2 years and then make a baby in a testtube and do IVF!)! Sounds easy doesn't it? I forgot to mention, you have to now make sure that kid survives! You have to feed it, water it, change it, clean it, sing to it, teach it, read to it, clothe it, entertain it every second you are awake, bring it with you everywhere you go and make sure it never gets hurt! Sounds like a lot of work, no? Well it is, and it is the best job you could ever have. And to top it all of your annual salary will be $0! The hardest job in the world and you get paid in hugs and kisses, which when they come from your kid are actually the best things in the world. 


Before I had M, I quit my professional marketing job and was designing jewelry full time. I had (have, I guess) my own line of jewelry, that I would sell at shows, at Bloomingdales, and is still in a few stores. This was my "full-time" job, and what I would say was my occupation. Basically I was self-employed, making little to no money after expenses, and my husband was paying all the bills. So when it came time for me to put down my occupation I would say "Jewelry Designer."

Now I haven't actually designed jewelry in 18 months, as some days I don't have time to shower, let alone work on a piece of jewelry that takes 24 hours of very precise, intricate work. I miss it terribly, and I guess I could get back into it, but most days when M is finally down for a nap I want to catch up on my reality tv, not sit in my studio and bead. So when at the hospital last week updating my insurance info, the woman asked me "so occupation...still a jewelry designer?" And instead of going into a big life story, I just said "yup!"

But that is totally a lie! If someone asked me flat out what I my job was these days, what am I? A stay-at-home-mom? I hate that term because I am so much more than that!

I am a teacher most of the day. Granted, I don't have a classroom full of students in front of me, but every day I am teaching M new things; how to count, the alphabet, colors, new songs, how to play instruments, names for body parts, how to walk (still working on this one).

I am responsible for "keeping house;" cleaning, laundry, gardening, repairing things, putting things together, dealing with repair men, etc.

I am a dog-walker. I am a dog-groomer.

I am a photographer (a passion of mine - thank God I have a willing model at home). I am a crafter (you name it, I think I can make it myself).

I am a chauffeur. I am a personal shopper (for both M and my husband who refuses to buy himself any new clothes - I just got that 8 years ago!).

I am a personal chef to a picky toddler (and the hubs seems to be picky lately too).

And once all of that is taken care of, it is time to take care of me, which lately is in the form of shopping online and watching reality tv. Forget working out every day like I used to, forget trying to eat well (5 of the 15 pounds lost earlier this year are back with a vengeance)...I just don't have it in me right now.

And to top all this off, I am adding the stress of trying to get pregnant again.

But I wouldn't change my life for anything in the world. I have an incredible, kind, talented, beautiful kid, and a husband who loves me more than anything in the world, and treats me like a queen. Who wouldn't want that as part of their job description?

So what is my occupation? Lucky Lady.

Is this middle aged?

by guest blogger Mama D, J.D.

I’m sure you’ve had a moment like this too.  Or you will.

I remember distinctly walking out of our condo in Adams Morgan in Washington, DC one morning on my way to work when it hit me.  Somehow, I had become a married, homeowning, attorney.  I didn’t feel that grown-up, but there it was. 

Cut ahead a couple more years and there I was, pushing my baby, my baby, down that same street and wondering a similar thought, “how did I get to be a married, homeowning, attorney-mama?”  Another year, and I was calling my husband at his BigLaw job to ask if he might be coming home in time for dinner with me and our toddler (yeah, not so often).  I started writing a book in my free, alone time, “Confessions of a Reluctant Stay-at-Home Mom”™ as I wondered how I got there and what had happened to my career plans.  I began legal consulting work for former colleagues.

Then just a few years later it was, “where did this white hair come from and how is it possible that I’m a married, homeowning, ‘SAHM/WAHM/attorney-mama of two under two, in the ‘burbs! ?”  How can one person have that many additional identities, past daughter, sister, friend, etc.? 

Jump forward three more years and here I am finally eating my breakfast after I just barely managed to get all three of my children, yes now three real little walking talking people with their very own personalities, dressed (I conceded that fight with the four and six year olds this a.m.), fed, lunchboxes packed, backpacks ready, and out the door to their schools.  I got to my office a few minutes late and my boss is antsy about getting a bunch of stuff done this morning and she’s stressing me out, but first I just need to breathe. 

So I was standing at my kitchen counter pouring my first cup of coffee, conveniently my office is in my home (which incidentally is how I manage to get to work at all some days under the circumstances!) and taking a deep breath.  And that same family of thoughts resurfaces, “how on earth did I get to be this married, suburban-homeowning, minivan-driving, attorney-mama of ‘three under five’ with my own law firm and a whole team of people working with me to help take care of all our clients?”