This morning was Hubs' morning to get up with Val, our early riser, so I got to sleep in until 6:45 (note to 20 year old self - one day you will think of waking up at 6 AM as sleeping in. I know...effing crazeballs.) I got up, did my thing, made M's lunch, got her dressed and did her hair, got Val changed and dressed for the ride to school and then gathered our stuff to leave for school and realized that I still had my pajamas on (and had yet to actually look in the mirror at myself).
There were two things I could do in this situation - take two minutes to go upstairs and change or just get in the car as is and go. I chose the latter, and I am not proud. This is what I looked like (and this drawing is being kind):
I had on giant fleece purple pajama pants with a hideously old, stained t-shirt that should be in the trash. As I mentioned I didn't actually look in the mirror (even when brushing my teeth) and I had crazy morning hair that was sticking out ala Something About Mary all over my head. I tried my best to get those rogue hairs to come down to earth with a little mother spit, but alas they wanted to be free. I had circles under my eyes that were accented by yesterday's mascara smeared on my face. Needless to say, I was looking hot.
Oh, did I mention I had on flip flops? No? Well I did. Hot Mama.
At least I had on a bra...a black one under an old white t-shirt.
I didn't think anything of it. There was no reason for me to be getting out of the car, as I drive up to M's school and they take her out of the car for me. I was already in the car when I opened the garage door and would close it before I got out of the car - no neighbors would see me. I would be home within 30 minutes.
I should also mention that I didn't even bother to put on a coat or a sweatshirt over this ensemble. I was feeling pretty confident I would be safe in the car...
Until we actually got to school...we are the first in the car line...the teacher takes M out of the car, and then Val starts to cry. I look in my rearview mirror and see Val pointing down the side of the backseat by the car door and saying "Woob woobs! Woob woobs!" which means she dropped her precious wooby down the side of the door. Shit.
I again have two choices. Drive off and endure Val's screams for the 12 minute ride home, or get out of the car as fast as I can and rescue Woobs by opening Val's car door. I chose the latter. I got out of the car as fast as I could, in the rain mind you, opened Val's car door and threw her the trapped woobie. I made the mistake of looking behind my car, at the 10+ cars waiting to drop their kids off and unfortunately made eye contact with the woman in the SUV behind me. I was the deer in her headlights.
It was a new low for me...going out of the house looking like a hobo and being seen by my peers. I was mildly embarrassed, but then I put on my 90s on 9 and rocked out to Will Smith's Men In Black, which I surprisingly remembered all the words to. Damn I love me some Fresh Prince. What would have been more embarrassing is if someone caught me dancing to MIB...in my car...in my pit-stained t-shirt and worn out pajama pants.
Sooooo funny Jess! We have all done the "drive of shame". I must confess that I was very impressed that you had your bra on (mine usually doesn't make an appearance until I get dressed for the gym later). You are hilarious, love it!!!ReplyDelete