Zig a Zig Ahhhh

If you haven't watched the Spice Girl's "Wannabe" video lately, you should stop what you are doing now and watch. It is a brilliant piece of pop culture history. Sure, it might be one of the silliest music videos ever, but it is mesmerizing.




Why have I seen it recently? Well, I let the girls watch the Chicken Little movie recently and there is a scene where Ugly Duckling is doing karaoke to Wannabe and it is now forever ingrained in my girl's heads.

I actual love when this happens - when a song from years ago pops up in a kid's movie, and then my kids think it is this awesome new song that they want to hear in the car all the time. My favorite time this happened was when they heard "Send me on my way" by Rusted Root in the Ice Age movie. It will now forever be known as "the Ice Age song" but at least I get to listen to decent music in the car every now and then! I absolutely refuse to download "Gangham Style" which they heard at the end of some squirrel movie they watched with the babysitter last week and won't stop singing - of course with all the wrong words.

Back to Spice Girls magic...

My kids have watched this music video so many times that I can't help but dissect it every time I watch it now. Here are my favorite takeaways from this work of art:

• There is a mad cast of supporting characters. My first favorite is this delightful old bag who looks like a skunk died on her head. She is thrilled when the Girls come and interrupt her dinner and does a pretty decent two second dance with them. 

And this woman

Who is obviously stealing hair styling tips from one of my favorite characters ever, Ruby Rhod: 

Bitch stole my look!

• There is a seriously lack of bras and lot of blatant nippleage (yes, that is a word I just made up and here is a shot for my husband of his favorite Spice Girl) 

• Baby Spice looks like a drowned rat. These days, where you can't spit in the wind without hitting someone with a weave in Hollywood (that is a saying right?) Baby would be chastised and not allowed to leave the house looking like this with her thin, stringy, greasy do. And how weird is it that a grown ass woman called herself "Baby" and then dressed like a child and we were all ok with it?? I also have to go on the record that I owned both the shoes Baby is wearing (in black) and the shoes Posh is wearing. Ah, 90s fashion at it's best. 

• Let's refer to the photo above and talk about how horrendous the dancing is in this video. The only people with any sort of rhythm are Scary and Sporty (who by the way must be significantly taller than the other girls as she is in flats and the others - except Scary who is seen next to Sporty but standing on a stair higher - are all in heels and platforms). It is painful to watch the jerky movements of Posh and the awkward broken moves of Ginger in her circus act unitard (which was done about 20 years before you Miley!). 

• Ginger is SUPER handsy in this video. You can see her here humping this aghast Marilyn Monroe/Cindy Lauper lookalike, who by the way has the worst VPL (visible panty line, of course) ever. And at one point she grabs Baby's butt under her skirt.
• At more than one point Scary Spice forgets to lip sync her line in the video. She should be singing but she is actually kissing someone at a certain moment. 
• If you didn't notice, the entire video is shot in one take, which is impressive and just ridiculous. You see Ginger multiple times look away from the camera to look behind her so as to not trip over something, or fall down the stairs. 
• Who would have known from watching these Girls that Posh spice would turn out to be the most famous of them all! She is a total worthless mannequin in this video, and is practically hidden in the back the whole time - for good reason. Her talents were never singing or dancing, they were posing and designing clothes, and marrying well, and look where she is today!

I could go on, but I don't want to ruin the magic of the video for you all (like I did for my friend once when we watch the original Annie and I commented throughout the movie how ridiculous it all is and  in turn ruined it forever for her - sorry!) Sit back, relax and enjoy the madness. And tell me what you want, what you really really want and please don't let it be to slam my body down and wind it all around, because that sounds painful. 

A Letter to New Mom Kim Kardashian

Dear Kim,
Congratulations on the recent birth of your baby girl! There is no feeling like that of becoming a mother for the first time. I hope that you are basking in the glory that is that little ball of love you gave birth to.

I must first say that I do not know you, or watch your television shows, but I do follow everything pop-culture, so I know a lot about you. It is hard to not know about you and your family, as you are everywhere...and I have no idea why. Here are the things I know about you:
- you are famous because your made a sex tape with a D-list R&B artist
- your father was one of OJ's attorneys
- your mother has pimped you out to every magazine and media outlet, and in turn made you into some freakish new breed of a talentless celebrity
- during your pregnancy you refused to embrace the fact that you were pregnant and actually wear maternity clothes
- you lied about your due date so that you could lose weight for your People Magazine shoot with your new baby, which I am sure you will be making millions from.

I wore this exact dress when I gave birth

I do not know what kind of mother you will be. For your child's sake I hope that you will put yourself and your needs aside and put the welfare of your child first and foremost. For all I know you will be a fantastic mother, and your child will grow up to be an amazing adult...one can hope...but that isn't the point of this letter.

I write to you, as a fellow mother of girls, because I feel for your child.

I grew up with a father who was a famous athlete. I guess you could say he is still famous, but back in the day he was the A Rod of his time (without all the performance enhancing brouhaha). Being an athlete back in the 70s and 80s was very different than it is now. Athletes today are super celebrities, largely due to the media, and the ridiculous amount of money they get paid...to play a game.

My father was the best at his sport for a long period of time, and therefore very well known. Growing up with someone like this (who has 1/10th of the fame you have) had it's ups and it's downs, as you can imagine. We got to travel first class all over the world and meet incredible people, including a President. My dad would have large chunks of the year off, and didn't work normal hours like most other dads I knew. I got to use his name to get a few things in life...including a night at a bar with Matt Damon.

On the other hand he wasn't around for a lot of my childhood, and missed a lot of special events. He couldn't go out in public without being hounded for autographs. We couldn't go out to dinner without someone interrupting our family time and asking him to sign something, or to take a photo. We got a lot of crank phone calls and had to change our home number many times. People would stop at the end of our driveway and take photos of our house - while my brother and I were riding in the driveway on our big wheels screaming "leave us alone!"

I loved being able to say I was "so and sos" daughter, but it drove me crazy that we couldn't go anywhere without being bothered (during the height of his fame). I hated that most people looked at me as "so and sos" daughter, and sometimes only wanted to be friends with me because of who my father was.

I cannot, for the life of me, fathom how it will be for your child. Will you let your mom pimp her out to the media? Will you let a stranger raise her? Will you subject her to your ridiculous lifestyle? Will you miss most of her childhood because you would rather attend Hollywood events? Will she forever live in the shadow of your fame?

Here is my advice to you at this moment: embrace being a mother. Stay at home with your baby for the foreseeable future. Don't hire a nanny to take care of your baby right away. Put that baby to your boob and hold her close for as long as you can. Hide her from the paparazzi. Hide her from the media. Don't tweet photos about her, don't sell photos of her to magazines (too late for this of course). Don't dress her in ridiculously expensive, uncomfortable clothes - put zip up pajamas on that kid and be normal.

Embrace your body too! You just had a baby for crying out loud, but I am sure you will be photographed in some ridiculously tight designer outfit in two days. Stay in your pajamas, and keep off the false eyelashes. Let other people make you food, and clean your house (wait, I forgot who I was talking to), but you be in charge of the baby. Enjoy this time that you have with your little lump of goodness. Before you know it she will be running around the house in your (very) high heels.

In the years to come: don't pass up your daughter's recitals for photo shoots, or a celebrity's party. Your child will never forget that you did that (no my dad never did this, but he did miss a lot due to games.) Put your daughter first and foremost. Take a page out of Tina Fey's book (and read it ASAP if you haven't already as it is brilliant) and try your best to keep your daughter's life normal by keeping her out of the limelight and away from all cameras.

And for the love of God don't leave her alone with your mother. She will have that baby on it's own reality tv show before she can even hold her own head up.

I wish you all the best, and hope you are getting some sleep...in your mansion, with your servants and probably multiple night nannies.

Best,
Mama J

My favorite iPad/iPhone Apps of 2010

Over the last few days I have been trying to draft a clever post involving the typical end of the year "Top 10..." but I couldn't come up with anything...so I am finally writing the post I have been wanting to write for months. And now since I am the proud owner of an iPad (that hasn't left my side since I opened it Christmas morning) I figured I would share with you my favorite applications for both the iPad and the iPhone.

Drumroll please....Mama J's Top 11 iPad/iPhone apps of 2010 are...

Fuzzle's Holiday Version

11. Fuzzle/Fling: Ok so I ruined this list already by combining two games, Fuzzle and Fling, in one list, but since they are made by the same people I figured I would combine them into one. These crazy addicting puzzle games are tons of fun and don't use a ton of brain power so they are perfect for playing before bed, or while waiting in the drive through land at Starbucks, or while in the bathroom doing your business. And you can play them with one hand, so there is that too.

10. Weight Watchers: So I haven't gotten much use out of this app as I have been eating everything in site as of late, but upon my return to Boston tomorrow I will be back on points, so I will be using this all day. It is a crazy convenient way to track your points on the go, calculate points, and look up recipes if you are at the grocery store

Scrabble on iPad

9. Scrabble: Not much to say about this one, as you all know what it is. Even better on the iPad.

8. IMDB: This is one of my go-to apps. I am always trying to figure out "who's that guy from that movie..." so this is a popular one on my phone. It has a cool layout on the iPad...and it is free...so get it, you will use it.

7. Friendly (Facebook): I don't know if this is the official iPad Facebook app, but this is the one I downloaded for my iPad. It is very user-friendly and the set-up is really nice. I like it much more than the Facebook app I have on my iPhone. Much easier to navigate all around Facebook - which I do too often for any normal person.

6. Shutterfly for iPhone: Unfortunately they don't have an HD version of this for the iPad (yet) but if you use Shutterfly to share your photos, this is a great app to have. I use this to transfer my favorite photos from my albums already on Shutterfly to my iPad/Phone. You can also upload directly from your phone to the albums. Hopefully soon they will allow you to edit your Shared Sites on your phone, but not just yet.

5. Interactive Alphabet Flash Cards: This was a new application I downloaded on the iPad for Marlo, and it is crazy cool. It took her a little bit to warm up to it, but now she loves it. You go through every letter of the alphabet and it sounds it out, and along side the letter there is an interactive graphic. For example, Z is for Zipper, allows you to pull the zipper up and down and B is for Beach allows you to build a sand castle, and make the sun set...it is really neat.

4. Angry Birds: Voted the best gaming application of the year, this addictive, hysterical, charming, intelligent game deserves all the praise it gets. I am sure you already have it, but if you don't get it, play it, love it, kill those ugly pigs.

3. Baby Music: Marlo has music in her soul. Anytime she hears music she shakes her bum and claps her hands, and if she is the one making it, all the better. This application allows her to either play the piano, bongo drum, xylophone, or strum the harp. She loves sitting on my lap and smacking my iPad screen and watching the little graphics bounce around in time with her drumming...every kid will.

Plane Madness!!

2. Flight Control: This game is the reason my father purchased an iPad when it first came out, and I hate him and love him for introducing me to it. Hate him, because I have wasted more time playing this game (first on his iPad, then in a smaller version on my iPhone and now on my iPad), but love him for showing it to me because it is the best game ever. It is simply a game where you have to guide plains to land safely on their corresponding color coded landing strips...sounds simple, but it is anything but. I thought I was so super cool when I landed 120 planes in one game, only to find out the high score was something like 24,349. That person must have more free time than I do...but most people do!

1. Kindle for iPhone/iPad: When Amazon first introduced the Kindle I thought it would be something along the lines of Laser Discs. I said I would never choose to read a book on an electronic reader over holding a book in my hand. Then I read the first Twilight book, and wanted instant gratification and to start the second immediately, so I succumbed and downloaded the app on my iPhone...and I haven't looked back yet. And on the iPad, with the large screen, it is just like reading a paper book. I have read so much more this last few years because of this application. It makes going on vacation so much easier because gone are the days of packing multiple heavy books. Now I just  download them straight to the palm of my hand. In the past 10 days I read all three Hunger Games (highly recommend!) books on my iPad and didn't need to go anywhere to get them, or worry about finishing them in time to return them to the library. You pay anywhere from $4 to $9 for newer more recent books (most classics are free and older books are around $2-$3), but I think it is worth every penny. You can even get kids books on there, so if you are in a pinch and your kid loves to read you can entertain them with a tap of the finger.

I Heart Bethenney

I find the title of "The Real Housewives..." to be somewhat comical. If they really wanted to show what "Real Housewives" of America do on a daily basis they would be showing us over weight, average looking women doing laundry, cleaning up after their family, wearing clothes from Ann Taylor Loft and going grocery shopping and not well-maintenanced, couture-wearing women who lunch, whose Nannys watch the kids and housekeepers do the laundry. The latter makes for a much more interesting show, of course, and one that I have been watching since day one - when Lauri was single and "struggling" to make ends meet and Jo was dating Slade. I also find it comical that during the first season the majority of the cast members were not even "wives" at all, but now I am just being picky. After watching every episode, of every city (OC, Atlanta (loved me some NeNe until she went Michael Jackson on us with the nose job), New York, New Joisey and now DC), I have to admit that the ladies of New York have become my favorite...even with wack-a-doo Kelly as part of the cast.

Among the unmarried "wives" of New York was a quick witted, top-heavy, brunette named Bethenney Frankel, and from her first hilarious one-liner, I was a big fan. Although she obviously lived an above average life than most New York women her age, us "normal" ladies could relate to her. She was that one person on the show that you really wanted to be friends with. You were pulling for her throughout the seasons to find true love, and have the life she had always been dreaming of...and finally this year she did.

On her spin-off show "Bethenney Getting Married?" we watched her journey through pregnancy, plan a wedding in 4 weeks at 7 months pregnant, get married (no more question mark!), and finally have her baby in the penultimate episode. We also got a glimpse into her weekly visits to her shrink...so much for doctor patient confidentiality!

I normally have a hard time with people being so public with their private lives - don't get me wrong, I watch a lot of reality tv, and it if wasn't for these people letting us into their private lives I would have read a lot more books these last few years - but there is something about Bethenney that makes me actually care about what happens in her life. I feel like as a new mom myself I can totally relate to everything she was going through...all the emotional and physical changes of being pregnant, and then becoming a mom and your life changing like you never thought it could.

Finally someone on television was showing what it really is like to carry a child for 9 months (well, 8 in both of our cases), and that labor is NOTHING like it is in the movies. I, and all of my close Mommy friends, could related to everything Bethenney was going through - the swollen body, the sleep deprivation, the pornstar boobs, the unequivocal love you have for your child and mostly the uncontrollable sobbing. I especially love that they highlighted how her entire persona changed after giving birth, and that her loved ones recognized it too. Becoming a mother definitely makes you a much more calm, patient, nurturing woman and we all witnessed that change in Bethenney for sure.

I loved the fact that she brought Brynn home in a Carter's sleep n play that my daughter also had - I totally expected something fancy. And we all know how it feels to be without your "My Breast Friend" or Boppy...how do you survive! Watching her pumping in the last episode definitely triggered some trippy flashbacks to me sitting in my glider every 3 hours, in my dark condo playing Bookworm on my iPhone with the "gagung gagung gagung" noise from the pump in the background.

My only issue I have with Bethenney is the fact that she talks in her last episode about motherhood being so hard...while she is handing the baby off to the Nanny! You think it is hard then, try it with no hired help and then get back to us. But other than that, I love her! She is constantly a topic of discussion at my weekly Mommy & Me class, and will be missed now that season 1 is over. I am sure when I watch RH of DC on DVR Friday mornings I will not require tissues like every episode of BGM did!

Hopefully she will ditch the Real Housewives franchise for good and come back with "Bethenney Having #2?"

And can we talk about Jason Hoppy? Husband and daddy perfection...