We are lovers, not fighters, in this house

M came up to me the other day, with her hands in a chokehold on her own neck, and said "mom can you do this to me?" I looked at her, horrified, and said "absolutely not! What are you doing? Where did you learn that?" and she said, "it's what Mr. Incredible does to Mirage in the Incredibles movie."

Of course it is. She doesn't realize that what Mr. Incredible was trying to do was inflict pain upon Mirage in a fit of rage, she just thinks it is something that one character in a movie was doing to another.

The same day she approached me saying, "mom, can you punch me in the face the way Elastigirl does to that bad guy? Like this?" as she mimicked being punched in the face and falling over.

Maybe this is a sign we have been watching the Incredibles too much lately (but damn it is the best Pixar movie! Besides Brave, and the Toy Story series of course...they are all so good!) or maybe I have to pay more attention to what my almost 4 year old is watching.

Both times that she asked me to reenact a fight scene I explained to her that what she saw in the movie was not how we act in real life. That in this house, we love each other, we don't fight with each other, and we never, ever, ever hit each other. Which is totally the truth - we are a very kissy/huggy family.

I will happily indulge M once a day and "marry" her. She puts on a veil (a piece of tulle from my
studio) under a tiara, and holds a silk flower in her hand while she lays one on me for about 10 seconds and then says "we're married!" I have M kiss her sister as often as I possibly can (which ends up being about twice a day because most times she just says "no thanks!" and runs in the opposite directly.)

It is important to me that my kids grow up in a household full of love and affection. My husband and I kiss each other in front of the kids (or "get married" as M calls it). I want my kids to know that their parents are happy, and truly love each other and aren't afraid to show it, much like my parents did when I was growing up (and they are about to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary). We often have family hugs and everyone kisses each other before bed. I don't leave the girls' rooms at nap or bed time with telling them I love them, and having them tell me they love me (well, with Val it is just me saying it of course).

I have so ingrained this lovey-dovey-ness into M that we will be out and about and she will just give me a big hug and kiss and say "I love you mom! Give me a kiss!" What mom doesn't want to hear that from her child?

I know it won't always be like this. I know that somewhere, not to far, down the line the girls will fight with each other, probably physically, just like my brother and I did when we were young. I won't like it, but of course will be ok with it because it is par for the course - they just better kiss and make-up after their battles because in this house we are lovers, not fighters, as MJ so elegantly put it.

Unless we are battling on the dance floor during our dance parties...that is another story!

My first, my last, my everythings

M & V - my everythings!

My husband and I have always agreed that we would have two kids, no more, no less. Thanks to modern science we have been blessed with two healthy amazing little girls, which means our family is now complete. We are a party of four. We can play man-to-man from here on out. We don't need to use the third row of our car. We can all ride comfortably on Disney rides together in the same car/row/etc.. But with this realization that our family is complete comes a finality to so many things in my life right now.

My baby Val is growing up so quickly. She will be four months this week, is already getting her first tooth, and is trying her hardest to sit up. She is also already growing out of her 6 month old clothes. With each of these milestones, and firsts comes a wave of sadness. She is my last baby. This is the last time I will be experiencing all of these things with one of my children. Sure there will be milestones and momentous occasions for the rest of their lives, and I will love every moment I have with them, but it makes me so sad to think that the baby moments are going by so quickly!!

I am trying to hold onto every second I have with Val, more so that I did with Marlo (yes I have revealed that M's name is Marlo, and if I see a rise in the baby name Marlo, I will take full responsibility for that! :). I am not in a rush to get Val out of our room at night (actually our bed for that matter) because sometimes I love the fact that she only wants to sleep on me all snuggled in my boobs (seriously she loves to sleep with her face smushed right into my boob.) When my husband says he will hold her and I don't want to let her go, it isn't because I don't trust him of course, it is because I really don't want to let her go...I really want to hold onto my baby, as a baby, as long as I can. I want to keep her a little nugget, that needs her Mama for everything, for as long as I can! Because I know that in just a short time, she will be big like her sister and want to do everything by herself, and scream for her Daddddddddy!! or Grandma!! instead of wanting to run to me.

Sure there are days like today, after getting up with her 6 times during the night, that I wish she slept through the night, in her crib, in her room but most days I love waking up with her little head right below my chin, watching her rub her chubby face into my neck.

The way you are with your second is so much different than with your first. With your first you are so careful in all that you do - following every rule and guideline out there - and blabbing about most of if to all. Seriously, if I read about one more person's kid sleeping through the night on Facebook I will scream! And no, we don't need to see a photo of your kid every single month in the same pose. (Sorry, just had to vent about that.) I will admit I did some of these things (like announcing most of what Marlo did from giant blow out poops to eating solids for the first time) with our first, but with Val it is a different story as we are basically in survival mode most of the time.

Your second gets less individual attention than your first did. I was in classes with Marlo beginning at age 6 weeks, but with Val I am just starting classes with her at 16 weeks, largely because I don't have nearly as much free time as I had when I first had Marlo. Having a toddler to take care of, while raising a newborn is a whole different story.

And Marlo - where do I begin...she turned three last week. THREE!!! And is the height of a 5 year old. She is in the 99% for height and is growing like a weed. She is already in size 4-5 girls clothing!! No more T next to her size and it kills me! She wants to "do it by myself mama?" with everything she does.  She loves to help me around the house, from scooping out the dogs food, to putting away dishes. I feel like yesterday she was just a little lump of baby goodness, sitting in her bouncy seat smiling up at me, and now she is going to school, and dancing and singing around the house.

So far we have been lucky to not have experienced much of the terrible twos with Marlo (knock on everything) as she gets her temperament mostly from her laid back daddy. I know this just means that come teenage time she is going to be a handful (hide your sons everyone!)

So what is the point of this post, you ask yourself (and I ask myself as I feel like I am just rambling now?) The point is that time is going by too quickly, and because of that I am having a hard time accepting that my family is now complete. I want to be able to cherish every little moment, but raising two kids is serious biz! I am lucky if I have time to take a shower, let alone photograph Val sitting up.

And as I clean out Val's dresser and box up her 3-6 month clothes I am extremely sad that she won't have a sibling to pass them on to, like Marlo did. Again, I don't want another child as 2 is just fine, but just the finality of it all is bringing me to tears every day. Well that and the serious lack of sleep has me crying at everything from commercials to catalogs.

Ok - I should stop typing and start napping. Thanks for listening to my ramblings...once again :)

A Tale of Two Sisters

I did my best to prepare M for the arrival of Val this past summer. We read books about being an older sister, and preparing for baby. I talked about her "baby sister" in my belly all the time. She would pay attention, but didn't really seem interested in the whole thing to be honest.

When Val arrived in August, and M came to see us in the hospital, it was a disastrous visit. M cried and said "I wanna go home!" over and over, and didn't even give us a chance to introduce her to her baby sister. We tried the second day we were in the hospital, with the same outcome.

We followed everyone's advice...

Don't hold the baby when the older sibling comes in the room.
Try to include the older sibling in everything you do with the new baby.
Give the older sibling gifts "from" the new sibling.
Yada yada yada...it was still a disaster, and broke my heart a little.

I have seen so many photos of older siblings holding their newborn sibling while visiting mom in the hospital. I wanted that photo! I wanted my sweet little girl to be excited that her new best friend was finally here, and be excited to help Mama out with changing diapers and giving her a bath. We were off to a rocky start, but hopefully things were going to quickly get better. Yeah, not so much.

When we brought Val home from the hospital, M was at school. M's excitement over Mommy and Daddy being home abruptly came to an end when she saw Val in the bassinet in the same room. She froze in horror and literally backed out of the room in silence. She wanted absolutely nothing to do with this alien Mommy and Daddy brought home. That thing was going back soon right? No such luck M.

this was the best we could do!

Over the next few days M warmed up to being in the same room with Val, but that was about it. If I was holding her, M would stay on the other side of the room from me. If I tried to get her to sit next to me, while holding Val, drama would ensue and screams of "no thanks Val!" would start. My heart broke when Val was just two weeks old, and we tried to get a photo of the two of them on the couch. M burst into tears and refused to sit next to the little lump that Val was...we tried to distract M and then dump Val on the couch next to her, with no such luck. See the photo on the right for the end result. High comedy, but seriously it broke my heart that M had such feelings toward helpless little Val.

the only other occasion where
I dressed them the same :)

Weeks went by and we finally got M to sit on the couch next to me and Val, and when she was around a month old, we actually got M to touch Val's hand. Of course she recoiled in disgust, but she touched Val's hand nonetheless. It was progress.

It wasn't until Val was about 7 weeks old that M finally took a photo while holding her. One of M's friends had asked to hold Val, and we took a photo of them together, and I guess M realized that Val wasn't so awful after all and actually asked to hold Val. Of course I teared up while I was rapidly firing off shots with my camera of this history making moment - until M let go of Val and almost dropped her.
Since that moment we have had about 3-4 other occasions where M has sat with Val for a photo, and each time I get a little choked up looking at my two babies together.

I will only hold this thing for 10 seconds

M still doesn't show much interest in Val, who is now 3 months old. If Val cries M will cover her ears and say "what's wrong with Val?" If they are sitting on the couch with Daddy, M might look over at Val and quickly touch her foot, and then act like she didn't do anything.

If I am putting M down for the night, I will lay Val in her bed next to her which of course leads to "No thanks Val! Mommy take her out of my bed!" but I will leave her in there and after a few minutes I will catch M looking over at her and smiling while I am reading to the two of them.

The other night I was lucky enough to see M lean over and give Val a kiss on the head while they were in bed together. M then looked up at me and said "Goodnight Mommy...Val stay in my bed?" I scurried out of the room and stood in the hallway peering through the crack of the door watching as M slowly reached out and touched Val's belly. It was the cutest thing I have ever seen. Of course 20 seconds later I hear "Mom! No thanks Val! You can take her now!"

She still won't help me change a diaper, or shows no interest in helping me get Val dressed, and will most times pitch a fit each time I put Val within a two foot radius of wherever she is, but I think she is warming up to her a little more each day.

Three's company

Recently I’ve had a hard time scheduling play dates for my kids. It’s been a real bummer.  I love a good play date: the combo of seeing the dude play with his friends and little miss getting in on the action, all the while being able to sneak in a little catch-up time with my mama friends. But we’re in full-on Boston summer mode: many of our friends have been enjoying the summer on vacation or have been catching up on work in between.  We have missed them.

During my afternoons with the kids these past few weeks, I’ve been flying solo: just me, the dude and little miss.  Thankfully, the glorious summer weather means that I don’t have to be too creative: just pile everyone in that trusty double stroller and go to the park.  Of course, there’s a ton of organization to do beforehand: sippy cups, snacks, diapers, extra clothes and towel (for the sprinklers), etc piled in the diaper bag.  Sunscreen to apply on everyone before we head out, hats to put on, and shoes.  Don’t forget the loveys.  But once we’re out of the house, it’s pretty easy-breezy, all things considered. 

Yesterday in particular was a joy. Some highlights: the dude showed off his new skills of putting on his shoes AND of climbing in the double stroller, "all by myself."  Little miss was in a great mood, and forever helpful, reminded me to put on my sunglasses. Thank you, dear. Once outside, first the dude, then little miss, wanted me to pick some flowers from our garden.  Clutching their flowers, the kids looked super-cute as they cruised in their stroller and enjoyed the view.  The dude alerted little miss to her favorite little sparrows on the sidewalk.  Once we got to the park, they enjoyed their snack bars together. Playtime included the dude directing a little “parade” of the little miss and me, and the kids taking turns pushing each other on the swing.  Everyone headed happily back for dinner, a little sweaty but content, with matching sippy cups of milk in hand.

Usually those afternoons don’t go quite as smoothly—there might be something amiss, say grumpiness post-nap or a struggle over some toy or snack—but yesterday was unusually chill. Was it good planning on my part, their getting in to a groove with each other, or just plain old serendipity?  Whatever it was, it was simply magical.  Three is company after all.