Tuesday, September 10, 2013

I don't want them to grow up

My girls are the perfect ages right now. M is almost 4 (in December) and has blossomed into this amazingly funny and creative little person. She loves to help me do anything and everything. Sure there are moments when, as my mom used to say, "the horns" come out (aka devil child) but for the most part she is a great kid. She is at the age where she can entertain herself for long stretches of time - I love to see her sitting in the playroom, acting out scenes with her dolls and figures: "Oh Cinderella, your hair
looks great! We should go see what Woody is up to." "Thanks Slinky Dog! I like your tail. Let's build you a house out of Legos..." and so on, and so on.

I especially love that she is so observant and inquisitive these days. She is always asking me what things mean, and why things are the way they are. And has lately been very curious about how things are spelled, and what sounds letters make. It is so amazing to be a part of her learning process - "Flight. Fl...fl...flight. That sounds like the world 'night' mom! N...Nnnn...night."

And Val...what a character she already is at just about 13 months old. No, she isn't walking yet, and no, she doesn't talk much (lots of pointing and lots of bah bah!). She already has this hysterical personality, full of stink eye faces and belly laughs and "beefcake" poses. My mother seems so concerned that she isn't walking or talking yet, but you know what? I don't care! I don't want her to walk or talk just yet.

I am desperately holding on to her "baby-ness" - she is starting to get thinner and lose her belly, and her once chunky monkey thighs are thinning out too and I can't stand it! I feel like every time I get her out of the crib she is an inch taller. It is killing me how fast time is flying by.

I can't wait to see how my girls turn out. It is hard for me to imagine them older than they are now, but I am excited to see what kind of people they become. But on the other hand, I don't want them to grow up! We have such a great combination of baby and little girl right now in our house. They both still love to be held and hugged and kissed. They both think that my husband and I are the greatest people on earth (well, except for my mother who is queen bee in M's eyes). They both need us to get them dressed, and fed and hold their hands. I think about the day when they are both independent and I want to cry. Sure my back feels like it is going to break at the end of the day, but I will hold Val in my arms until I can't stand up anymore because I know soon enough she will be up and running away from me.

M is now in school 5 days a week, 8:30-2:30 - real school hours! She gets out of the car at school, and her teachers take her to the front door, but from there she is on her own to walk to her classroom, put away her things and start her day. She is no longer a toddler, but becoming an independent little lady. Val is my baby, and will always be my baby, but she won't technically be a baby for much longer and I am struggling with that. One of my children is already in school full time and before I know it the other will be too...and then what.

What is this stay at home mom to do once her kids aren't staying at home? Do I go back to making jewelry and traveling all over to jewelry shows? Do I want to do that again? Do I find a part time job? Will I join the PTA? Will I decorate our house? Will I write more? Will I open up that bakery/flower shop I have always wanted to start? Will I go back to school (not that I have anything I want to go back to school for, I have just been thinking a lot lately about how I wasted my college education...more on that in another post)? Who knows what the hell I am going to do.

It is scary to think about that time in my life only being 2 years away really. I will only be 36 once Val is old enough to go to pre-school. It is exciting, yet terrifying, to think that in just a few short years I will have all this me-time on my hands. Maybe I will volunteer...maybe I will work with a non-profit. I know, I am lucky to have such choices in life. I know it, and I am grateful for it every day.

A few things I know for certain are that our house will be cleaner, more organized and I will be in the best shape of my life, as I won't have my kids as an excuse for not working out.

To all you stay at home moms out there, what do you plan to do with yourselves when your kids are in school? Are you going back to work? Trying something new?