I admit it. My child is formula fed.
I clearly have some issues with that – though I know I shouldn’t. My mom fed me and my sisters formula and we all became successful, independent, strong, loving women with our own families, but I still get nervous that someone will notice the bottle containing powder in my diaper bag and judge …Sometimes I feel like I am wearing a scarlet F on my back.
I started off breastfeeding and I didn’t have any of the problems that often accompany those early learning days. Zero discomfort. No cracked nipples. Latch problem? Heck no, Little S was a champ from day one, showing Mama K how it is done. That being said, I wasn’t exactly enjoying the experience. Every day (or, more accurately, every 2 hours) I reminded myself that I was doing something important for my daughter’s health – I was giving her the best of me. But, feedings were still stress city for both Little S and me.
I often stared longingly as some other mamas breastfed their babies at a new mamas’ group. There appeared to be this total Zen relationship that was the exact opposite of the frantic one that Little S and I shared. I would watch as the babies, beautifully wrapped in the perfectly arranged sling (seriously, how do you achieve that?), would look up at their mamas with a sweet, knowing look. Mamas smiled sweetly at the little ones and knew exactly what that “look” meant. The mamas then started immediately feeding their children, without even exposing a centimeter of skin. There was no crying, no wailing, no spit-up – just total contentment and satisfaction. (Sure – there might be some element of exaggeration in this story – but I swear, from where I was sitting, I could hear angels singing.)
Amazingly, the night before we found out about her milk allergy, Little S and I had a beautiful moment. We were playing together and she gave me a look. I had a friend over, so I quickly adjusted my wrap, and Little S began to eat, quietly, gently and beautifully. I was amazed and happy. She was happy. And, surprisingly, when I feed her bottles now, I sometimes wish I could give it another go and that I had pushed through a little longer or found some compromise. But, we’re all doing just fine. (And, no matter what you are doing, you and your kid will be ok too).
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