Friday, May 27, 2011

Who wears the apron?

One night this week, I emailed my husband, who is fortunate enough to work from home, to tell him I would be a little late. I explained my boss' boss called for an urgent, tight turn around project to be completed (of course!). He responded with a supportive, no problem.

While en route home, knowing I was about 30 mins behind my usual schedule, I asked if he could throw something into the over for the dinner I would complete preparing when I got home.

To my pleasant surprise when I arrived, still another 30 mins later because of transit delays, he had taken the next steps to complete dinner. Meat was cooked, starch was almost ready and veggies were simmering to perfection.

As I lifted the lid, and thanked my husband for what was obviously a wonderful job well done, and much needed in order to avoid eating at 9p. He says, "Yea, well I had to because you got home so late."

My mind began racing, the statement he uttered was so absolutely 1980s to me. Did he mean to suggest that in a household which he works from home 3 of 5 days a week, and earning contributions are near exact equal that I should singularly be responsible for dinner?

I bit my tongue to avoid a fight.

I just didn't get it. In a house that has responsibilities all blended up in a variety of ways, and has taken the shape of a modern home, some how making dinner is a one man band? Don't get me wrong, this isn't the first time he's taken the lead on this, nor the only thing he does to help us parent our daughter and take care of our home. But today it either became crystal clear that he doesn't think we should share that responsibility in any way... In which case, what's a gal to do?

Or he let his caveman, 1950s version of himself get a little lose...forgetting I was not late coming home from a day of shopping but late coming home from a day at work with an extra long commute.

Mamas, how do you split your responsibilities? And how often do you find that you bite your tongue to avoid a fight due to the sheer exhaustion of parenting?


  1. My husband can't cook but he does make amazing reservations. = D I would have been so not OK with that. You're a better woman than I because I still don't pick my battles. I think that's a serious attitude adjustment needed and it has nothing to do with money! It has to do with life happens. There will be moments when you can give more and moments when you can give less and sometimes those moments extend for weeks and months at a time. I generally think if everyone expects to give ninety percent all the time, nothing generally gets missed. xx

  2. Play to your strengths is my motto. I do AM with the kids (I work late and have an awful commute into Boston), he handles all bedtimes. Our nanny cooks their meals, he might cook for us or more often we eat out. I make more money then he does and I have to say it is the absolute equalizer.