Sunday, September 9, 2012

As Oprah Would Say...

I love my little Birdie, let's just get that straight.  But as Oprah would say, this is going to be one crazy-ass day. My daughter was up ALL. NIGHT. LONG.  I’m serious.  ALL NIGHT.  A slug in her Miracle Blanket, a marshmallow in her Magic Sleep Suit, and a “sorcerer's apprentice” as my brother calls her, in her starry sleep sack--nothing helped calm her unsettled temperament.  But guess what?  We are about to get on our first flight with her, to...Hawaii!  Cocktails by the pool, relaxing in a lagoon...ahhh.  Just kidding--the real kicker is we are on our way to Virginia.  I know, you are all super stoked for me.  Just about as stoked as I am to attempt to carry on an infant with no seat, a pack n play, a rollie-suitcase, and a diaper bag, for with the exception of the car seat (and stroller if we chose to bring one), bags do not fly free.  Thanks, Delta.

So to make this logistical nightmare easier for everyone, let’s just get all the questions and comments out of the way ahead of time, shall we passengers and passers-by at the airport?

Cute!  A little boy?  Umm nope, she’s a girl.  Thought her dressed in head-to-toe pink and a huge bow would have helped avoid that one all together, but not so much...

Ohh, she’s crying.  “Are you hungry little baby?”  Well thank god for you, ma’am with the embroidered jean jacket from the early nineties.  Without you, my child would starve. 

I see she’s losing her hair!  What gave that away?  The George Costanza-esque bald spot, or the fact that I’m strategically covering her head with my hand?

She’s SO big for only five months!  Thanks for your input, but she’s actually the smallest kid in her class; the runt, if you will.  I see that you’ve run out of your Auntie Annie’s pretzel bites with array of cornstarch dipping sauces--may I help point you in the direction of a bathroom?

She’s not sleeping through the night?  Shouldn’t she be by now?  How is it working with both T. Berry Brazelton and Dr. Ferber?  Do you find they argue over who values your professional opinion more?

Yes, it's one of those days.  Let's just hope that security line is as short as my patience.

And with that, Bon Voyage!

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