Monday, February 4, 2013

Double Vodka, rocks, with a twist

That is what my children have driven me to drink right now. A glass of wine won't cut it tonight ladies (and gents.) I went straight for the liquor cabinet. No mixers here, I want that buzz hard and fast. It has been that kind of day. Let's start off chronologically, shall we?

Val was up 4 times last night. We had a few good nights where she slept through the night, but the last two nights have been funky and she keeps getting up after sleeping 2-3 hour stretches. There must be some sort of 6 month growth spurt, or she is teething - I blame everything on teething...but this kid drools like a son of a bitch, so there must be some teeth brewing in there somewhere (of course I have been saying this since she was 3 months old.) At almost 4 AM I decided to just give her the win and I took her out of the crib and slept with her on me while sitting up in the glider in her room. Hubs left at 5 AM for a work trip so I had the full night shift. Mama does not function well on such little sleep friends.

Our dog walker (who is a whole other post in itself) decided that even though I pay her for an hour of walking the pooch, she would only walk her for 30 minutes. Little does she know that our wonderful sitter is actually keeping tabs on how long her walks with the pooch are...and little does she know that she will be fired by the end of the week. HA! But our hound mix needs an hour walk, otherwise she barks non-stop, and her bark is so freaking loud it keeps everyone up. So that was the soundtrack to my day - loud doggie barking.

Thankfully our sitter came this morning but she seemed equally frustrated with Val Gal as she was only sleeping for 20 minutes a stretch this morning. Instead of being able to do her usual (laundry, cleaning up the girls rooms, dishes, etc.) she was constantly walking around with an irritable Val in her arms.  I was able to grab a quick nap so that I could function as a human being, but had to run my mom errands so that my family actually had something to eat this week. I pick up M from school, she looks exhausted - yes, there will be a long nap in her future.

WRONG! After an hour of jumping on her bed, throwing books around her room, getting in and out of her bed and opening and closing drawers, I finally went up to free her from her room. I knew I had a rough road ahead because when M doesn't nap, the horns come out around 4 PM and my princess turns into a troll. A cute troll, but a troll nonetheless.

And like clockwork at 4 PM the troll came to life. She all of the sudden realized that daddy wasn't coming home tonight and all she did was scream, "I WANT MY DADDY!" And of course that meant that Mommy became enemy number 1. She didn't want me to touch her. Everything I gave her to eat she hated. She didn't want me to wipe her after going potty "I want daddy to wipe me!" Well kid, that isn't happening, so get ahold of yourself and spread 'em.

While M is performing her best fake cry, I am holding Val in my arms as I am trying desperately to get this kid to sleep. That's right, she didn't sleep all afternoon. I kid you not. She would doze off in my arms, and as soon as I would put her down her eyes would pop open and she would smile. She is officially the worst napper ever. At least in our family!

I force fed M some of her chicken and carrots, explained to her that this is what she gets to eat, nothing else, and she said she was full. As soon as she gets down and I clean her plate what does she do? "I'm hungry! I want daddy to feed me!" WTF kid!!! Then come the tears - she is so tired, and apparently hungry that the real tears are now flowing. I set her up with Monsters, Inc. and some milk and veggie sticks and I tend to Val, as it is her bed time, and there is some serious eye rubbing happening. Yes, I think, quick bed time for Val.

Fast forward to an hour later, and Val is still up, screaming in her crib. I have been up to her room probably 7 times, rocked her to sleep, burped her, tried a pacifier (the kid doesn't take one ever but I have a few kicking around for last ditch efforts, aka tonight). I try to let her cry it out, but she is sobbing, so I go up there again. All the while the pooch is barking, because she didn't get a sufficient walk, and Marlo is still asking for daddy. How the eff does one parent put two kids to bed when they are behaving like this???

I finally had to come downstairs (as that is where M was watching the movie) and turn it off, bring her upstairs to her room and get her in PJs (while Val is screaming bloody murder, and the dog is barking like the B she is) and just put her in bed. Luckily she was so tired she didn't even want books. Oh and she didn't want kisses from Mommy, only Daddy. Makes me feel like chopped liver.

After 15 minutes of dancing and rocking Val Gal I was able to come downstairs and pour myself a drink. Oh, I forgot to mention that at one point when I was upstairs with Val, and Marlo was downstairs, the pooch barked and M said "daddy's home!" so here I thought someone was breaking into our house, so I threw Val into her crib and ran downstairs in a panic. Nothing was out of the ordinary, but still my heart was racing and I ran around making sure all the doors were locked and curtains closed.

Eff me, I am tired from just writing this crazy post. Sorry, I just had to vent and I have no hubby here to vent to! Nights like this suck. I hate when my husband isn't here to help. I have been totally spoiled by his light work schedule the last few months, but all of the sudden he is crazy busy and I realize I will have to replay this night many times in the weeks to come. Thankfully for the next week he is away we already have flights booked to go to Florida to be with my mom. I am sure there will be many a post about that trip to come!!



  1. Totally feel your pain, mama J! That was one day that deserved a double vodka shot. I have a weekly Saturday night gin martini waiting for me on date night, and a glass of wine as needed in the evenings for those tough days. But sometimes as you say, a glass of wine just won't cut it. Hang in there! -mama T.

  2. " "I want daddy to wipe me!" Well kid, that isn't happening, so get ahold of yourself and spread 'em." Hahahaha!!! Cracking up over here. I hope last night was a ton better.

  3. Ohhhh Mama! Can't even imagine with 2 kids! Bird was up from 5:20 the other morning, and took a ONE hour nap at 2:15. Long days AND long nights? Not fair! You deserve a piece of chocolate cake to go with that drink (maybe a Paleo chocolate cake if it exists?). Hoping you get some sufficient rest SOON!

  4. Val slept last night from bed time until 3:45 AM, gave her a bottle (I realize at her age of almost 6 months she probably didn't need one but she hadn't eaten since 6 PM) and then it took me 30 minutes to get her to go back to sleep...which she only did for 15 minutes. So around 4:45 I gave up, brought her into my bed and tried to get her to go back to sleep, but alas she wanted to play with my face. SO we have been up since 4:45. I cannot wait until my husband comes home tomorrow. He seems to have the magic touch with getting her to burp and go back to bed! I just feel so helpless when I can't get her to fall back asleep. She is now taking just her second nap of the day (the first was about 40 minute in the car seat in the car this morning at 8:30). Just got her to go back to sleep after sleeping 5 minutes. WORST NAPPER EVER.