Tuesday, May 21, 2013

That Just Happened: Class Trip to the Zoo

Doing her best
Debbie Downer impersonation.
Whaaaa whoooooaah!
"That just happened!" is a quote from one of Will Ferrell's movies (I think Talladaga Nights) that my husband and I use on a weekly basis. When something crazy happens and you can't believe what just happened...that just happened! When something goes the total opposite way than you thought it would...that just happened! When something so ridiculous happens that you definitely have to be on some sort of hidden camera show...that just happened!

See this face on M? That about sums up our morning...

Today I accompanied M's entire pre-school to the Zoo. It sounded like a good idea to be a chaperone - I had our sitter booked to watch Val and I was looking forward to some quality time with M and her school friends. Well, to start the day off my sitter calls and says her car won't start and is waiting for AAA. I have to be at the zoo in 30 minutes and Val was still sleeping. I ran around the house like a mad woman, packing a diaper bag as Val would now be joining us at the zoo. I woke her from her nap (as any parent knows that is on par to waking the Kraken) put her and M straight in the car and threw the stroller and Ergo in the car. We got to the Zoo in record time and ran from the car just in time to meet up with her school as they were entering the gate. 9:45 AM and I had already sweat through my shirt. Awesome.

I didn't have time to stop at a bench and give Val a bottle, so I fed her in the stroller as we were walking around. I knew this was a bad idea to start, but I didn't have any other choice.

Queue the first of many breakdowns by M: don't hold my hand mom! I want to go home! I don't want to see the Zebras! I want to go to the playground! I don't like the Zoo!

And the reason for the breakdowns? She was up 4 times during the night, after not going to sleep until close to 10 PM, and then up for the day at 5:45. And to her credit I will say that whenever we do go to the zoo, we spend a large amount of time on the playground, not looking at the animals. This was the opposite of our usual trip.

So we have been there for about 30 minutes, and Val starts choking in her stroller - and then does her best Exorcist imitation and projectile vomits everywhere. And I mean everywhere - she is soaked, the stroller is covered, I caught it in my hand and then it dripped down my pants. And of course I have nothing to wipe it up with! So I take her pants off and use them, inside out, to wipe her off, and use one of the three wipes in my wipe container to wipe her face and hands off. To the bathroom we went...

...where on the changing table as I take her diaper off she decides to pee - everywhere. The changing table is covered in pee. I have two diapers with me - one I need to put on her, and the other I use to soak up the pee puddle. I use the second of my three wipes to wipe off her back and legs and then wet paper towels to clean up the mess further. I then go to change her into the one change of clothing I have, and guess what? The are soaked in pee.

So I dried off her onesie with paper towels, used the last wipe that I had to actually wipe her lady parts and put the last diaper I had on her. I put that onesie, still damp from pee, on her little body and strapped her to me in the Ergo. She was asleep in five seconds.

M continued to whine and say she wanted to leave - you know what? I didn't want to be their either - reaking of vomit in a sweat through shirt, when it is 80 degrees outside and humid as hell. So we ate our picnic lunches with the rest of the kids and then escaped to the car- with M in the Vista stroller (for which she is about 6 inches too tall) as she didn't want to walk and I couldn't carry her. I have never been so happy to be out of the Zoo.

That just happened.


  1. Oh man. That's brutal. I hope like crazy the kids napped for you in the afternoon!

  2. UGH, every day is an adventure. Some days certainly better than others! Hope you had a BIG glass of wine last night!
    On another note, while the playground at the zoo is nice, I feel that it takes away from the zoo as a whole, because all my boys want to do is go to the playground!!!!