Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I Hope You Have One Just Like You One Day!!

My mother and I are very close. We talk at least once a day on the phone, and sometimes up to 10 times a day. We are also very much alike, which I didn't always like to admit. Not only do we look incredibly alike, we have very similar personalities. Growing up I didn't like to hear that I looked like my mom (which was basically every day), not because I didn't want to look like her, because if I look half as good as she does at her age now I will be happy, but because I wanted to be my own person...not Donna's little clone. These days I am more than happy to be compared to my mom, and I think the fact that I am so comfortable being so much like her, and that I too am now a mother to a daughter, we have become closer than ever.

We weren't always close, and I wasn't always this nice to her. In fact when I was little I used to throw "fits" and yell and scream at her that I hated her, and wanted to be put up for adoption. On more than one occasion I even packed my little pink Snoopy suitcase and threatened to runaway. I got as far as the front stoop. It got so bad that my mom used to come over to my head and feel for my "horns" because she thought I was the spawn of satan. And that brings us to the title of this post...

After I would stomp up the stairs in a fit of rage, most likely because I wasn't able to stay up late and watch 90210, and scream down at her, "I hate you!" she would then say something along the lines of "I can't wait until you have a daughter just like yourself one day."

While watching an episode of Parenthood I was reminded of the way I terrorized my mother, basically from age 2-21. One of the story lines deals with a defiant teenager girl, and her mother says, "You know what the hardest part of being a mother is? Daughters."

Every time I look at my daughter's face I think, what an angel! This motherhood thing is so easy! We are going to best friends forever!! I know it is so silly to think something like that but we are at that point where everything I do makes her laugh, and just being in my arms makes her stop crying. If I just think for a moment that this child will some day grow up and think I am the worst person on earth, my heart just breaks.

Is she going to be an angel like my husband was as a child? Or a devil child like I was?
Is she going to lie to her parents? Is she going to break curfew? Want to date a boy at 15? Be mean to kids at school? Have a fake ID? Drink before she is 21? NOT MY BABY!!

Of course I know the road ahead of us will not be sunshines and rainbows if she is anything like I was as a child, but if we grow to have the relationship that my mom and I now have I will be incredibly happy and proud of myself and my daughter. I hope that someday we become the friends that my mom and I have become, even if we have some rough patches we need to go through to get to that happy ending.

And no matter what, she will always love me, and I will love her unconditionally, even if she does actually grow a set of horns.

Happy Mother's Day Mamas!!!

2 comments:

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