I joined a gym. I thought about joining the same gym for 11 months. For 11 months, at least once a week I thought about the gym but never once did I step foot in it. Today, wearing flip flops, with no ability to actually use it today, I joined.
Before I got pregnant, I was pretty active. Never a skinny minnie, but fit. I had nice muscle tone, albeit a little mush on my tush, but I was strong. I was in shape (not the shape I was hoping for) but still a shape that did not scream, "chubby-wubby." Back then, I balanced a very upwardly, aggressive career track, my relationship with my husband and my social schedule. I had gone through times of more and of less working out. Different work out phases, see Hot Yoga, Core Fusion, Running, Trainer at the Gym...see a little less mush.
When I got pregnant, I initially thought, I will be that girl in the gym with her belly. I will be on the treadmill, I will have a trainer, I will just have a belly. Then at week 5 I started getting sick, and didn't stop until my daughter was born. I threw up 2/3 of the pregnancy, and by the time I stopped puking, I had heart burn and swelling that made it inconceivable for me to more than the occasional pre-natal yoga.
I thought, "It's winter, I'm pregnant."
Flash forward to post-baby, 16 months ago. Post emergency C-section. First off, I could barely get up out of bed let alone walk down stairs or walk a few blocks. I lived in a walk up, so getting outside to walk was nearly out of the question for the first week or two. But alas I don't think I can really use the c-section as my situation today.
Many women have claimed of "breast feeding melted off the weight" and "all I do is walk" and "I practically forget to eat." Let's address these claims as they relate to me.
First, let's get one thing straight, I have never forgotten to eat. Ever. I figured out crafty ways to feed myself, always. Faster, yes. At strange times yet. Forget, no.
Second, yes, once I recovered, I did walk. And walking did do more some good things, but it rained 75% of my maternity leave and when I returned to working full time, I did everything as quickly as possible to get from point A to point B. Usually, that meant getting in the car. A few times, I have committed and re-committed to walking or running, but it never lasts more than a few days or at most a month.
Lastly, yes, breastfeeding was wonderful. Wonderful for my daughter, and some what helpful for me. However, I used it as an excuse to feed myself as much as I pleased (see: forgetting to eat). And I was also carrying around H size bombs. No, that is not a typo, "H" as in A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H. I could barely see my legs and my stomach past those gals and somewhere around 4 months of nursing, I was convinced, I would look better when I stopped b/c I must have been the type who's body held the weight.
So, today I joined a gym because I realized it has been almost 2 years since I have really committed to trying to make myself look any better. After a depressing series of posts of friends on their family vacations with their own children, some near my daughters age, but MANY with much younger babies, I realized these women managed to get into some remarkable shape, and I couldn't really say, "I just had a baby," anymore.
Tomorrow, I am going to try to actually go to this new gym I've joined early in the morning...the infamous, "before the baby wakes up." I hope that it is met with mild success, I am not hoping to come out of this new commitment with Giesle's body, I am just hoping I won't look as paunchy, run down and out of shape as I do right now.
For all the mama out there looking for support, know you are not alone. There are tons of us out there looking for support, motivation, anything to help us not look like an older, more run down, less sparkling version of ourselves.
I hope to write you in a few weeks a little shinier.