Friday, September 17, 2010

Mama J & the Case of the Mystery Poop

It was a dark and stormy morning...

Mama J is out for a walk with Baby M and Ellie the dog. They are about half a mile from home when Mama J looks down at her hand...and to her horror discovers there is a mysterious substance on it. She looks closer at palm side of her hand, across the middle of her fingers, and stops in her tracks when she realizes that the mysterious substance is most likely doo doo.

What the? she thinks. Is this poop on my hand? Looks like poop. Smells like poop. Tastes like poop (kidding of course). How the frig did this get there? 

She quickly examines the handle bars of the stroller she has been pushing for the last 40 minutes. No poop.

She looks at the leash she has been holding in that hand (which had not touched the ground at all). No poop.

She looks at the bottom of her shoe (not that she was touching the bottom of her shoe with her hand, she just figured she would look). No poop.

What the hell is going on here? I did change a diaper before I left the house, and it was a poopy one...did I not wash my hands? Crap I can't remember. 

Holy shit (pun intended). If that is where this mystery poop came from, I have been walking around with it on my hand for almost an hour! But how is it nowhere else? Oh my it on me? I haven't looked in the mirror all morning!! Do I have poop on my face? 

With her clean right hand she quickly feel on her face for any more excrement. Oh my God have I been walking around with poop on my face? No poop.

She checks her jacket and hat. No evidence of poop. She is baffled. Luckily it was trash day and she was able to wipe her hand off on a box on the sidewalk after dipping it in one of the many puddles on the street. And thankfully she had some tissues in her pocket to help clean herself up.

But where the poop came from we will never know...Case Unsolved!!


  1. Ha! Reminds me of in Baby Mama, when Maura Tierney (Tina Fey's sister in the movie) sees something and says, "Poop or chocolate?", then pops it in her mouth. Oh, the joys of motherhood!

  2. Very funny! My kids are teenagers now but I remember those days when they were young and there was just too much POOP in my life. I remember I always felt like I smelled like POOP too! Although I just took a shower or had no POOP on me!... Potty training is a BEAUTIFUL thing!

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