I need a Worst Case Scenario Handbook for first time Mamas. They sell one on Amazon, but it is for "Parenting" and seems a little too tame...eating sand? Forgetting diapers? That is not nearly as bad as the scenarios that go through my head on a daily basis.
Every day I see at least 10 horrific scenarios flash through my head...before noon.
I see me falling down the stairs with her in my arms. I see her falling over the railing from the second floor to the first. I see her highchair (which is attached to the kitchen table) breaking and causing her to hit the hardwood floor and crack her head open.
On our walks with the pooch in the morning my mind goes crazy. I see her in a runaway stroller down a steep hill (which causes me to hold onto the stroller with a death grip the entire walk). I see an out of control car hitting the stroller when we walk on a busy street. When we are in the park I have visions of a stranger on a bike speeding by me and snatching the stroller from my death grip...which leads me to all of the kidnapping thoughts I have throughout the day.
When we are out in public and someone looks at the stroller I immediately get these flashes of them trying to take her. When I first started leaving her in the day care at the gym I couldn't help but think some other person was going to walk through the door and take her from the room.
In the car I have visions of us getting in an accident at least twice every ride. What if the car goes out of control? Will the carseat actually protect her? Is the carseat installed tightly enough? Is she strapped in there tightly enough? When she falls asleep and lets her head hang I am worried she can't breathe...
It is a never ending catastrophic movie playing in my head staring Baby M. Is this normal? Do all other mother's think like this? My job is to keep her health and alive, which in reality is a fairly easy task to do, especially when you enjoy it as much as I do. I know deep down that none of this (I pray) will every happen, so why do I have these constant terrible scenarios going through my head?
Forget what to do if you forget diapers, what do you do if your baby is snatched out of her stroller by a giant bird and carried away? That is the kind of things I think about.
Signed Mama J, Wackadoo Mom