Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Mama Rant: SAHM with Nannies

I watched Sex and the City 2 today. And I kind of wish I could get those nearly 3 hours of my life back. Don't get me wrong, I was obsessed with the series like most 30-something ladies were, but the movies have not done the HBO show justice by any means. I did find that there was one redeeming scene in the movie: when Charlotte and Miranda are sitting at the bar talking about how hard it is to be a mother. But the part that resonated with me is when they say "How do women do it without help? Here's to those women!" Miranda, being a full-time working mother, understandably needs help with her child, and household. But, Charlotte is a full-time mother and still has a full-time nanny...one of my biggest pet peeves.

Now I might be offending some people with this post, but realize this is totally my personal opinion, from my point of view...yada yada. I hope not to offend you, but if I do I am sorry. But here goes...

I don't understand full-time stay at home moms having full-time help. Your job is being a mother, to take care of your kids. I, being a full-time stay at home mother myself, understand the need for personal time, so I totally understand babysitters or part-time help so that you can run errands and get some personal things done, but full-time help? What are mothers doing that they need full-time help, if they don't have a full-time job?

I don't know why it bothers me so much, but it is one of my pet peeves when I see mother's on television having nannies practically raise their children, while they are off gallivanting around the city. Maybe it is because I am reading The Help right now I am getting so fired up about this topic - yes, I know, different time, different place, but I don't understand the whole thing.

I am a stay at home mom. My day revolves around my daughter, and when I have another child, it will revolve around them too. I am able to get errands done - I take Baby M with me wherever I go. Yes, I have to plan ahead to get my haircut, or pedicure, or waxing - I can't just run out and do it whenever I want to, but that is part of being a mother...sacrifice. My life and my husband' s life are very different than before we had children, but we knew what we were getting into the moment we decided we wanted to have kids. Their life would become our life.

Now don't get me wrong. Sometimes I wish I had someone at home with me during the day that I could tag and have them step in the mother role for me. Like today when I was going from hospital to hospital for doctor's appointments, and then came home to get puked on by my daughter like the girl from the exorcist, and when I went to the bathroom to start the bath, she peed all over me. I looked in the mirror at my disheveled self for a minute and teared up because I was so stressed out, and wished my mom lived down the street (or in the same part of the country for that matter) so that she could come over and help me, but she doesn't, so I bucked up and put on my happy face and got on with the day. It is hard to do, but it is a mother's duty...to sing and play when you feel like crying and boozing.

Well, I did have one cocktail tonight after she went to sleep...maybe that is why I am fired up.

That is enough from me...goodnight Mamas.

25 comments:

  1. Ugh. I couldn't agree more.

    As a nanny myself (and a mommy!), let me tell you that there is no worse working situation for a nanny than this layout as well. I flat out refuse to work for any SAHM's, at least full-time, because it's confusing for the children to understand why, when mommy is home, they can't be with her. It's kind of a nightmare.

    I TOTALLY understand part-time help or a mother's helper situation, though. If I could have two four-hour stretches a week to myself to get things done/have a bit of "me time", I'd be all over it!

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  2. It bothers me too. But I have to check myself and wonder if it's a little bit of jealousy. If I were in the position of having money coming outta my ears, would I take the full time help while still staying home? Hmm...

    Say what you will about the Real Housewives of NJ (I know, I know), but I always admired Theresa for not having any help and taking care of 4 little girls on her own, while all the women in her circle try to convince her to hire someone. She's 'old school,' as she says.

    Love the blog, by the way! :-)

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  3. Stay-at-home moms who have nannies are often asked why they need nannies when they are at home with their children. Nannies have many benefits. Listed below are just a few of these benefits.

    Nannies are an extra set of eyes and hands, which can be especially helpful in a household with multiple children. If a household has twins, triplets, or other multiple birth children, nannies become more of a necessity than a luxury. For example, in a household with three active toddlers, each child may often wander to different areas of the home. Which child does the parent chase first? When a nanny is present, the stay-at-home mom has assistance in keeping the children safe and supervised. Nannies in households with multiple children increase the attention given to each child (because there is an additional adult to pay attention to the children), relieve parental stress, and make the parent-child relationship less harried.
    Nannies free stay-at-home moms up to do volunteerism, pursue an advanced education, have one-on-one interactions with their children (each child taking his/her turn with mom), grocery shop without chaos, have a date night with her spouse or significant other, and perform other tasks which would be challenging if the mom would be accompanied by multiple children.
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    provide an additional, enriching influence in the children’s lives. For example, if both parents are English-speaking but want their children to be culturally versatile, the parents may hire a French-born nanny who can teach the children the French language and culture.
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    For these and other reasons, many stay-at-home moms have chosen to experience the benefits offered by having a nanny in their homes. The bottom line is that nannies benefit children and the parents who attend to them.

    ReplyDelete
  4. In an effort to Support my husband in his career and his dreams/success, I am now living 20 miles from civilization and have become a SAHM not by choice, but because my spouse's hours average 65 hours between M and F. We have no family or Support network nearby. We have 3 children, all of them have special needs (oldest had stroke at birth, younger 2 have kidney disease). DH also travels for work, sometimes for 2 weeks at a time. We have a live in nanny so i can simply function, take kids to dr appointments, preschool, etc.

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