I spent the summer mostly at home with Sam. Though I did work part time for a few weeks and then did online work from home, I had my full days with my little man. Last week I went back to work teaching, this week the students came back and I remember how hard it is to leave him. Though I worked last school year, I think I was so sleep deprived and intent on figuring out how to get through the days and keep everything going, that I didn't have time to lament leaving him.
This year, after our summer adventures, routines, and time together, I am acutely feeling the loss of being here and him being at daycare. Once I am involved with the kids, I'm okay, but if my husband texts me or something reminds me of him, I feel the pang of being apart.
To make matters worse, he is feeling the transition. He is throwing superb temper tantrums just for me. He is up all hours of the night to visit with us (I really think that's the case) and he is making his every desire known. Still, I would love to be able to work part time, since I do love my work, and be with him, singing, taking our morning walk, visiting the backhoes around the corner. Now I understand all the mothers I have worked with over the years who come in teary-eyed after leaving their little ones at daycare or kindergarten. I get it! I am ready to create a play area in the corner of my classroom for the teacher's babies. Luckily there are a group of us who can commiserate and support each other.
I know he's happy with his little friends at daycare, and he tells me, "boys, car," when I pick him up, so he's connected. I'm also lucky to have a job to come to that I enjoy, but still, I look forward to hugging his little body close at the end of the day.