Thursday, April 14, 2011

Mama Rant: Pregnant in Heels

Can we talk about the ridiculousness that is the show Pregnant in Heels on Bravo? I don't even know where to begin.

Let me start with the positives. I love Rosie Pope. She seems to be a very down to earth woman, who spends her entire life devoted to the craziest, self-absorbed, detestable pregnant woman I have ever seen in my life. From the two episodes so far I get the feeling that she knows that the women she works with are wackadoo, and I am sure that for ratings sake they are showing the extreme clients, but why does she put up with these crazies? If I could virtually punch people in the face on this show, I would have punched each of her clients over 10 times throughout the 45 minute episodes.

In the first episode we meet a couple who is 4 weeks away from having a baby and in complete denial about what is about to happen to them. They refer to the baby inside of her as a "life force sucking parasite." Lovely people, huh? They say at one point that they don't want a baby who is all "I'm the center of attention" and whatnot. What? Hello? That baby won't just be the center of attention but will be the center of your universe from the moment they are born. They are this terribly annoying couple (I swear the husband is actually swimming in the fella pond) who refuse to buy anything for the baby that looks like it is for a baby. They want everything in the babies room to match their modern, mid-century loft decor - nothing with colors, bright patterns or sounds. When Rosie decorates their nursery (with a fabulous wall decal of Space Invaders) and places on the floor a tummy-time mat that has bright colors and animals on it, they actually freak out. And then we find out they name their baby Fox...good lord.

The other couple on the first episode actually made my husband irate, and he only heard about 30 seconds of the dialogue while passing through the room. He got so mad that these people were featured on a tv show, even more mad that I was watching it. I laughed at him and went back to the nutjobs...

So the woman is a "best-selling author" (no idea who she is) and he is some high powered business man. They have 2 kids already and have hired Rosie to help name their third child, their first boy. The actually say that they want Rosie to "brand" their baby. Why not save $1000s and buy a baby name book.

They want Rosie to help them find a name, with the help of a panel of powerful professional New Yorkers, and a focus group, that sounds like he could be president in 2052. Throughout the episode they keep coming back to this group of names they had already liked from the start, and ignoring everything that every professional they had hired said or commented. They end up naming their child Bowen, the name they had originally decided on...is that even a name? Sounds like a prep school, or a brand of toilet bowl cleaner. At one point they have a private dinner party for their closest friends, to get their honest opinion on the names, and one of their guy friends says something like "Bowen sounds like a douche." Buddy, I couldn't agree more.

The second episode was also full of detestable human beings - a type-A business woman who was a trying to throw herself a baby shower 2 weeks before she was due...who does that?? And a couple having their first baby who hadn't had sex since she got pregnant...who cares??

Rosie, if you are out there reading this (ha), you seem to be a good person. Do not waste your time with these she-devils! Show us the normal people that you work with. Educate first time moms about what they are in store for. Show us some of your fabulous products! Us normal folks cannot relate to these wealthy freaks of nature. We will not be having hair and make-up teams come and fix us up for our first shots with baby in the hospital. We will not be paying someone to give us their opinions on our baby names. We are of sound minds and bodies...we are normal, and you seem to be too!! Of course you wouldn't be making the big bucks like you do, and no one would probably watch the show, but I would have more respect for you. Not that you care. :)

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